I can't knock Ryan Air too much as our own experiences of flying with them has been OK to date but their policy of screwing the passengers for every penny they can once on board has been taken up a notch today with their announcement that they are going to put £1 coin slots on the in flight loos. My only gripe until now was a cheap bottle of fizz sold as "Champagne" but carrying more than one bag on board, having the affront to take luggage with you and now getting taken short all attract a fee. And to make things worse they have also introduced mobile phone use on flights as another money spinner. The days of cheap air travel are well and truly over.
And another thing that is sadly over is the rugby career of young Matt Stevens. I am not a big rugby fan but I think it is sad that his career has been ruined for a failed drug test when the drug in question is cocaine. OK if Stevens had been taking some terrible steroid body building stuff or cheating blood enhancing drug, but cocaine? As far as I am aware this drug turns users into gibbering idiots and is hardly likely to improve a rugby performance especially as its effects only last for a few minutes.
You would be forgiven for thinking that this new species of psychedelic jumping frog fish which has just been discovered was something from the imagination of Matt Stevens while he was on his cocaine high. The wonders of the natural world never cease to amaze and with species dying out at an alarming rate it's great to see a new one added to the list.
Here at Instanta we are in the last few hours of the month. Will this be the first month in many years when we see our annual sales turnover figure go into reverse? In the twelve months to the end of January we were 1.7% up on 2008 and to ensure that we don't go backwards we need to invoice just £13,000 today. As we have got £24,000 of orders and still a few hours left, we should make it. OK it's not going to be a month of growth but at least we are still not down. Now we've got to try and do it all again in March.
Max (above) and I just carried out a full review of warranty work carried out in January. I am pleased to report that there were no nasty surprises and steps have already been taken to remedy the faults that did arise. This has already been reflected in February's figures which are well down. At least that's one graph that's heading in the right direction.
Finally please don't forget to watch The Colour of Money on ITV tomorrow at 6.45pm. I was on the leader board on http://colour.itv.com but got a target of £75,000 and failed miserably. Give the game a try yourself here and pass it on to everyone you know.
I just got the CBI (the voice of business) monthly trends survey. And what depressing reading it makes. All of the business graphs end with a very steep line and each of those steep lines is heading in the opposite direction to what we business people would like to see. In fact, so steep are those lines that there is nothing like them on the ten years that they cover. If these graphs are a true reflection of the current state of the British economy then it will be a case of will the last company please turn out the lights
Having said that, it was heartening to read of Cadbury's success yesterday with a 30% increase in profits. It seems that when the going gets tough, the tough get chewing with a huge increase in sales of gum and chocolate. Sadly, now that the population is living on a diet of chocolate, gum, McDonalds and pizza due to the recession, when it eventually finishes, the workforce will be in no fit state to work due to an epidemic of obesity and diabetes.
Enjoyed Gran Torino last night. The film included this motley crew as the baddies and pretty good baddies they were too. If it really is Clint Eastwood's final screen performance it was appropriate that he chose to end with a sort of old Dirty Harry. He replaced the famous 357 Magnum with a finger but was no less threatening for doing so. I was not convinced that an 80 year old could beat up one of the above hoodlums but hey Clint still looks pretty good for his age and this is only a story after all. Like Clint, I too work out regularly so perhaps I could start a vigilante group when I retire. Remember those Guardian Angels who patrolled the NY subways. Perhaps we could have the Grandad Angels and go around kicking some young ass.
Did you see that scientific survey that came out last week? It seems that scientists studied the brains of men who were looking at photos of women in bikinis. The results showed that the same areas of the men's' brains became active to the areas that became active when they were using power tools. Whilst this concluded that pin ups were dangerous as they resulted in men objectifying women (a conclusion that was made here years ago and didn't need any scientific survey), I think that this could also be an opening for some budding entrepreneur. Instead of filling the internet with sexy images of models and producing endless shelves full of Nuts, Playboy and the like, why not simply fill the shelves with magazines full of photos of chainsaws and the web with drills. The porn market could disappear overnight. In the meantime I assume that the following photo is the perfect male fantasy. (does nothing for me).
It's the final of Master Chef on TV tonight. I call it "Shouty Chef" as I've never seen anyone shout as much as these two. I can remember when Master Chef was a simple cookery programme with Lloyd Grossman, a couple of celebs and the contestants who invariably made something that would not have looked out of place at Abigail's Party.Today it is an Apprentice style juggernaut that runs for months. I assume that you have to be unemployed to enter as the finalists seem to have been at it flat out now for weeks. So when I say it's the final tonight, it's the final episode of the final. Our remaining three have already been to Buckingham Palace, Burghley House and a posh London eatery where they cooked for a galaxy of Michelin stars. Perhaps tonight it will just be back in the kitchen doing a prawn cocktail followed by steak and some ice cream. I do enjoy it but talk about over egging the pudding!
A quick question for Tony Mercer, Lee Moore and Peter Barlow here at Instanta. Which is better in the first away leg of the Champions League? 0-0 or a 1-0 win. Not sure?
And finally. After talking about objectifying women earlier, what was the first offer that Gail Trimble got after her outstanding performance on University Challenge? An opportunity to do a photo shoot for Nuts - honest. You couldn't make it up.
Parenthood is one of the greatest things in life. We live through our children's successes and failures,their illnesses, their loves, their hates, their music and their fashions. We enjoy their company and love them with a love that is so different than any love in life. And most of all we hope that we will never ever outlive them. So today our hearts go out to David Cameron and his wife Samantha who have lost their son Ivan at the tender age of 6. I know that every parent, regardless of their politics will share the Cameron's grief. Let's hope that the media allow the family to mourn their loss in peace.
On a happier note, after yesterday's order slow down, things have swung the other way today with almost fifty boilers ordered before lunch. This is a good day and we hope that we can ship as many of them as possible before the end of the month. Sadly we won't be able to fulfill all the orders as one model is out of stock but we will get most of them out.
This week's Orange Wednesday film is Gran Torino. I am looking forward to this as it dwells on the evil issue of racial prejudice and its poisonous effect on life. Last week's film "Bolt" was brilliant. Catch it if you can.
I am still playing the Colour of Money online. The game is compulsively addictive and there are now over three hundred people on the leader board. I would love to get to be the top player for the week but some people are cheating and spoiling things for the rest of us. I had to suspend my offer of £100 to any Instanta blog reader being in the top ten of the leader board due to the cheats' loophole. I have written to the website and asked them to correct the cheat. If they do then I will reopen the offer and yes that does include Instanta staff members.A really good interview with Paul was printed in the local press. Thanks for the nice comments about the family son. Play the game here
And for those people who think that us Liverpool fans have no sense of humour (and having watched some of our performances this season we could be excused if we had none), here is a goal that our reserves conceded last week against Everton of all people.
Shy assembly worker Steve Eyres somehow slipped my birthday net on Friday and thought that his 31st birthday celebration on Saturday had been missed. But he should know us better than that. So today we are congratulating him and wishing him belated happy returns. Steve was a slip of a lad when he joined us sixteen years ago. In fact he was still officially a schoolboy when he started (with the school's agreement of course). Since then he has worked in many departments and is competent in all of the assembly areas in addition to being an excellent welder. Steve had a go at entrepreneurship last year and set up his own business. Sadly the credit crunch took its toll on the boat building industry that he was supplying and we were delighted to welcome him back with open arms when he decided to wind his company down. Outside of work Steve is a keen coarse fisherman. Sorry we missed your day Steve but I'm sure you had a great time.
I have just got over a nightmare situation with my home accounts. I use Microsoft Money and have done so for almost 11 years. Somehow both my back ups went wrong last week and I was faced with having lost our entire personal financial records. Fortunately I traced a working back up from early November last year on another computer but I still had to reconstruct almost 4 months worth of transactions and it took me almost two days to do it. I have learnt a huge lesson from this.Back up to a new file several times and don't write over yesterday's back up all the time. It's a lesson that I won't forget in a hurry.
I have been over the moon with the messages of support following my mention on yesterday's blog that Marion and I felt flat after the less than positive critical response to Paul's show. "We all watched the Colour of Money on Saturday and really enjoyed it." is a typical response. I am really pleased to get this feedback as I was mystified by the unpleasantness of some of the comments.
On the work front we are approaching the end of the month with a very good order book but most of the orders are for delivery next month so actual turnover may well be down on last year. This will be disappointing as we have managed to buck the recession pretty well so far. Everyone in sales is upbeat about the feedback they are getting from the customers and I know that customers are delighted with the equipment so we must be doing most things right. We have to take a big decision on the biannual trade exhibition Hotelympia this week. We have been offered a good stand but it ain't cheap and we need to think long and hard before we take the plunge.
And speaking of decisions. Here is one young man who may think twice about deciding to cross the railway line after the barriers have come down.
We feel a bit flat today. On Saturday evening we had four close friends around to watch the launch of "The Colour Of Money" on ITV. Regular readers will be aware that our son Paul came up with the idea for the game in 2007 and developed it with his colleagues at 12 Yard Productions. In early 2008 everyone here in the Instanta office was trying the game out and having a great time with it. It was launched in a blaze of publicity with Chris Tarrant as the host. We really enjoyed the show and had a great evening with a lovely dinner that Marion cooked but on Sunday morning we were disappointed to wake up to highly critical reviews in the press and on the TV gossip internet forums. We all know that friends are unlikely to be critical but we have spoken to plenty of people who enjoyed it immensely and I really hope that it gets the success that it deserves. It's a big change from Saturday morning when our favourite critic Charlie Brooker in the Guardian devoted his Screen Burn to the show in a very positive way. We'll just have to see how the ratings go over the next week.
If you didn't get the chance to watch the show, here is a taster. Remember it's an entertainment game show, not rocket science and it really does build up loads of tension.
And if you want to try the game for yourself you can play it
When I mentioned the Cadbury's eyebrows ad on the blog the other day I was contributing to the success of viral advertising. People watch something, enjoy it, and pass it on to others just like a virus (apart from the enjoying bit).
So I wondered how could Instanta benefit from this phenomenon? Once you've made your ad it's brilliantly cheap to get it circulated. So I've started with the ad. It's scripted, story boarded and all I need now is someone with a video camera and permission to use the music. Ok. Here goes to the tune of In The Navy by the highly appropriate Village People
With Instanta.
You can make a cup of tea.
With Instanta
Or perhaps a nice coffee
With Instanta
You might Sous Vide some trout.
At Instanta
It's where this lot hang out.
They need you. They need you. They need you
For a cup a soup.
OK You get the idea.
I was devastated yesterday to miss blogging. I'm sure that my reader was too. Problem was something got in the way - work. Yes, I spent all day (apart from a brief interlude with the charming Mark & Heidi from Workhouse) slogging away trying to balance the accountant's draft accounts with our own nominal ledger. I gave up at 4.30pm and went home. Stuck the figures on the home computer and solved the difference in about ten minutes. There's something to be said about working at home. No distractions of everyone playing The Colour of Money on the Internet where there are now five Instanta staff in the top ten. They all think that they could qualify for my £100 prize but little do they know that the bloke with £600,000 is a regular blog reader.
And speaking of accounts. We'll be paying £7,500 for the privilege of some figures that differ from the original ones by about three hundred quid. I can't criticise the accountants as they are great but why do the bank need audited accounts when they are no longer compulsory. I could have employed another ten full time workers for that £7500 (sshh don't tell the immigration people).
I'll finish today with another mega viral success the T Mobile flash dance. Although I have to question how successful it was as I was searching for "02 Mobile flash dance" on You Tube looking for it. And if you aren't tuned in to ITV at 6.35pm tomorrow, you're no friend of mine.
Here's ace welder Kirk Harrison celebrating his 31st birthday with some boiled sweets (No skimping here at Instanta). Kirk has worked for us for 10 years now and holds an important place in our welding department. Engaged to fiance Gillian, Kirk has recently become a key member of our regular five a side kick abouts and many of us have the bruises to prove it. Football apart, Kirk is passionate about Real Ale and has formed his own "Real Ale" Face Book group - none of that fizzy lager for him. He likes nothing more than a quiet pint of Old Peculiar (other than another of course) and now that he is into his thirties I expect to see him growing a beard, wearing sandals, singing folk songs and ,of course, farting a lot. Have a great day Kirk.
I am going to be at a loose end next weekend as Marion is going away on 1st March to a hen party of all things. Don't expect photos of her on here dressed in themed costume like the above. I'm sure it will be a demure affair (honest). Meanwhile I will have an exciting weekend metal detecting and visiting a couple of antique fairs. If I am lucky I may even get time to fit in a bit of train spotting.
Whilst on the marriage theme, did you see the latest episode of Mistresses on BBC last night? One of the lovely quartet managed to get up from the matrimonial bed in the middle of the night, get dressed up to the nines, drive to a hotel, have wild passionate sex with a complete stranger, go home and back to bed without her husband so much as stirring. Seems a bit implausible to me. Just noticed Marion has put sleeping tablets on this week's shopping list.Hmmmm.
I am really looking forward to Bolt tonight. As it's half term and Orange Wednesday I'm expecting a full house and lots of noise but I don't think Vue will be doing one of their special over 18's showing for this one.
I just went to the Post office for the Instanta Lottery Syndicate. This is my four weekly trip where I hand over £96 and the guy behind the counter then checks last month's tickets and give me substantially less than £96. But today, for a change, he gave me NOTHING. Yep, zero, nada, zilch.I am starting to think that investing in the lottery is even worse than investing in RBS. Mind you with the lottery there is always the hope that one day we may get something back. With RBS there no chance.
I'll leave you with a birthday song. Sorry Kirk. Not very original.
I promise not to push The Colour Of Money any further after today but I can report that the web site is now working perfectly and an Instanta blog reader can win £100 if they appear in the top ten on the leader board at lock down on Saturday. If more than one Instanta blog reader is in the top ten, the highest will win the £100. I recently appeared in 4th place in my guise of Lfcchampions but soon lost when I had another try. To play click here.
Whilst not busy playing the game some of us are having a photographic day today. I have set up the portable photo studio that I use for my eBay sales in the board room and Lauren and Nat are taking snaps of all the spare parts to make life easier identifying them.
I managed to balance the books for January this morning.We always make a loss in the first five months of our financial year due to seasonal trading and I am pleased to say that the loss to the end of January is £22,000 less than for the same period last year and with a few alterations to the figures in respect of the timing of bad debt write offs we could almost convert that to a profit. Sadly due to the wonderful interest rate collar that the bank lumbered us with Barclays have made a real killing in the last few months. As interest rates have plummeted ours have gone up and we now have the benefit of a monthly interest charge of over £2500 for the privilege of having hedged the interest rate on our property loan as a condition of getting the money.
How do two nuclear submarines manage to collide in the middle of the Atlantic? Over 76 million square km of water up to 8,000 metres deep and two subs happen to be in exactly the same position at exactly the same depth at exactly the same time!Sounds like an amazing coincidence or could they both be investigating the same thing? You decide.
So Jade Goody is to live out her remaining days in the blaze of publicity that has accompanied her for the last few years. It is heartening that her case has raised awareness of cervical cancer to new heights and great that she will be able to secure her children's futures with the revenue but should we be watching her suffering? I love TV but I don't want to be rubbernecking on a private and personal tragedy.
Orange Wednesday tomorrow and Marion and I are looking forward to the cartoon Bolt. It should make a nice change from the gloom of the last fortnight's Revolutionary Road and Doubt and I am looking forward to a bit of a laugh. Trying to persuade Marion to splash out on a meal afterwards but having little success.
Great news on the jobs front. KFC is creating 9,000 new jobs. That should create another few thousand jobs in the NHS in a couple of years. Whilst the recession has caused the amount of organic veg on the shelves at Tesco to dwindle, the fast food market is growing massively as it did in the 90's. Remember this?
We are extending your chance to win £100 to Saturday 21st February after the Colour of Money game crashed on Friday. Jenny here managed to get onto the leader board but after about 5.30pm none of us could get the game to work and, as the leader board standings didn't seem to move after that I suspect that everybody else had the same problems. Let's hope it's back up and running soon as we all had a great time playing. So log on by clicking here and give the game a try. Marion and I are having a small champagne reception for some close friends on Saturday evening. Paul tells me his phone will be switched off. There is a big interview about the show with Chris Tarrant on the Digital Spy website today. Click here. I really wish massive success to everyone involved with the development of the show.
Just remember, if an Instanta blog reader is in the top ten on the leader board at lock down next Saturday we will pay that reader £100. If more than one Instanta blog reader figures in the top ten, the highest wins the £100.
Marion and I did our bit for the Shop Southport campaign on Saturday and spent the grand sum of £46 in Boots. Mind you as they were giving £5 off vouchers with every £10 spent it did involve three trips to the till. (Not quite sure that's in the spirit of boosting the economy). We also spent £10 on a sandwich and a couple of drinks and we mustn't forget some birthday cards in M&S and a taxi home. I can see the recovery starting already.
Maybe we would have been in the mood to spend a bit more if that bloody rooster hadn't been crowing from about 5a.m on Saturday morning. I am now heading towards wits end and there will be blood if this continues throughout the summer. What idiot keeps one of these in the middle of suburbia? You've all heard the euphemism choking the chicken. Well this person is a chicken choker of the highest order. And there's going to be a rooster choker on the loose soon.
I've just made an appointment with Mark & Heidi from the wonderful Workhouse marketing to come and talk about the literature for the new Sous Vide equipment. It's good to be making something completely different and, having been a beverage equipment manufacturer for over 51 years it will be great to have another string to our bow.Mind you it's not that radical as the units basically heat water.
Excitement on eBay as I discover a valuable pair of vases for just 99p and win them. Somehow the seller contrives to break them both and says he has thrown them away when I ask where they are. Maybe he just happened to notice that I collect antique pottery or am I just being a cynic.
Is it just me or are the adverts starting to be the best bit on TV. I suppose that with the advent of Sky Plus the advertisers have to do more and more to capture our attention. The VW ad is brilliant as too is the 118 118 one but taking the world by storm and a massive viral hit at the moment is the Cadbury's eyebrows. If you are one of the two people who haven't seen it, here it is.
Continuing our unashamed promotion of Paul's game we are offering Instanta Blog readers the exclusive chance to win £100. Read on to find out how.
The Colour of Money, ITV’s new game show hosted by Chris Tarrant, starts next Saturday. Before it goes on air, viewers can test the game online and in shopping centres. Click here http://colour.itv.com/With this online game, viewers quickly find out if they can handle the pressure of “the most stressful game show on TV”. There’s no money to win but the highest scores will go on a leader board. Should an Instanta blog reader appear in the top ten of the leader board at lock down, we will pay £100. In the event of more than one Instanta blog reader appearing, the prize will go to the highest. In order to qualify you need to register with a user name that will be obvious to us at Instanta (eg a business name, an Instanta model name etc). To be certain post a comment here when you have registered or drop me an email.
Shoppers around the nation will also find a surprise in their local shopping centres from 12 to 21 February. A live version of the game will be touring in Birmingham (14, 15 February), Bristol (18 February) and Manchester (20, 21February) with up to £100 to win!
We are really quite nervous about next Saturday (6.40pm ITV1) and hope that the show gets the success that it deserves.The effort that went into its creation was incredible.
Here at Instanta as it's Friday 13th I don't want to tempt fate too much but things still seem to be going quite well. Orders for the week have been running at at least the same level as last year with some good orders for larger units.
With the weekend only hours away Marion and I can look forward to doing our bit for the Southport Visiter Shop Local Campaign. I think we'll have a walk into town and get some stuff that Marion needs and maybe splash out for a bite to eat or a glass of wine or maybe both. Every little helps. It is good to see the local paper taking the matter seriously when our local dignitaries and leaders are doing a Jim Callaghan "Crisis. What crisis?".
Craig's out on the road now. Hope he does well. He looked very smart in his suit and tie this morning putting me to shame. Mind you the local dustmen put me to shame.
Last night I had a worried call from my sister in Spain. She had been trying to phone our 83 year old mum for in Southport two hours but the phone was constantly engaged. I tried mum's mobile which rang out with no answer so there was nothing I could do other than get in the car and drive round to her flat. When I arrived at 9.30pm, the lights were on and I could hear the TV. Mum looked a bit sleepy when she opened the door. She hadn't heard the mobile and her landline phone was somehow off the hook. Oh well. A happy ending but a bit nerve-wracking.
And so to Valentine's day tomorrow. Don't forget lads. And remember. No Tesco red bras and knickers. Here's a great romantic song for the day.
Today sees Instanta's answer to Tiger Woods reach his 48th birthday. Yes our northern area Sales manager and golfer extraordinaire Peter Brindle is celebrating today. Peter has spent almost 18 of those 48 years here at Instanta where he started as head of our sheet metal department and progressed through buying into his current sales position. Many readers will know Peter and his great sense of humour which is never more in evidence than in his support of Burnley FC. Married to Linda,Peter is a very proud father to John, Lucy and Katie all of whom are a credit to him. Lucy and Katie have been showered with awards at the local school and Peter will soon have to move to accommodate them all.Peter is looking forward to the CEDABOND workshop in May when he will get the chance to play on the Ryder Cup course. If he repeats his legendary feat of a hole in one he will be the toast of the Celtic Manor. Have a great day Peter.
I mentioned here a few weeks ago that I was concerned that Southport was turning into a ghost town. The Shropshire Star came to the same conclusion and ran a report. Our local spokesman for tourism came up with the preposterous response that only seven shops were closed on the famous Lord St and most of these were charity shops. I therefore got up early this morning and braved freezing conditions to carry out my own survey of the beleaguered street before sending off this disgusted of Tunbridge Wells missive to the letters editor.
"As a resident with grave concerns over the town’s decline towards “Ghost Town” status I have to take issue with Sefton Council Tourism spokesman Lord Ronnnie Fearn “Town Closed –apparently Wed Feb 11th”. It is clear that when our spokesman has his head so far in the sand as to state that “On Lord St just seven shops are shut, mostly charity shops” we have scant chance of recovery. A brisk walk along Lord St would show Lord Fearn that there are 147 commercial premises on the shore side. Of these 23 are currently vacant – none of them charity shops. Of the 108 premises that are shops, 20 are empty and 8 are charity shops –that’s over a quarter.
This brief survey does not take into account the empty monoliths of Woolworths. Lloyds Bank and the Carlton Hotel on the opposite side of the road or the gaps in our other main shopping thoroughfare Chapel St.
Whilst the Shropshire Star was wrong to use Scarisbrick Avenue to illustrate the town’s demise, we have little hope when our leaders are oblivious to the severity of the situation."
Maybe Lord Ronnie was trying to play down the gravity of the position to counter bad publicity. After all it is his job to promote the town. I am all in favour of being upbeat when you can be but you can't spin facts and if you attempt to do so you will simply end up with a great deal of egg on your face. His response has given the Shropshire Star more than sufficient ammunition to escalate the feud.
We went to see "Doubt" starring Philip Seymour Hoffman (above) last night. Great performances all round in what was a very good film.
Big Al the accountant phoned to say that the audited accounts are nearly ready. Stretch it out a bit longer Al and we will get another month's credit.
I read that Iceland (pictured above in happier times)is now experiencing an annual inflation rate of 19%. This follows on from the collapse of their banks and the monetary policies taken to try and counteract the problems. We've had bank collapses here and the government is now implementing a softly softly policy of quantitative easing which is getting little attention. What price 19% inflation here before long? Actually being a borrower rather than a saver, I can't wait.
STOP PRESS
Fantastic News. You can now play our son Paul's game The Colour of Money on the internet. To play click here. If you have a webcam and camera even better. More on this tomorrow.
