Confusion Reigns

We got the bank statement this morning and it certainly caused a stir. We balance it every day religiously but today there was something missing-those two little letters at the end of the balance "DR". Yes for the first time in as many years as I can remember we weren't overdrawn (at least in the bank's books)so hallelujah. But I'm not cracking open the champagne just yet. We're paying all our suppliers tomorrow so I expect to be back up to the limit in a couple of days. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.



And speaking of champagne did you read about that bear that burgled a house in the USA. The Guardian reported today that a couple in San Bernardino in California returned home to find the bear in the kitchen scoffing a box of chocolates. It had been into the fridge and moved vegetables out of the way to get at the choccies. He had also tried to open a bottle of champagne but with no success.

It's the last day of the month and Craig tells me that he has had no orders at all yet. When I wrote on the blog on Friday asking readers not to order on Friday afternoon so that Lauren could get off to her Take That concert it was only that afternoon I was taking about!Come on it's the last day of the month we need a few orders to equal last June. Don't forget the special offer on the ex-demo etc on yesterday's blog.



Oh well, with no orders to process Lauren and Craig are just going to empty the pool table and go through the 20p's looking for the rare undated ones that slipped through the mint some time earlier this year. Chances are slim as only 200,000 appear to have been minted but you never know. They're supposed to worth £50 each and are the only undated British coins to have been issued for over three hundred years.



I spent an hour yesterday having my backside massaged by a physio.It hasn't cured my groin strain completely but my muscles do seem a lot less tense and it was certainly preferable to an afternoon working.



Me and Marion are not tennis fans but when we watched the Ten O'clock news last night and at the end the newsreader said that a match was still going on, we switched over to watch the last couple of games to see a Brit scowling, pumping his fists in an aggressive manner and urging the crowd to cheer him on. Come on Andy that's not very British. We're supposed to get beat and say "well played sir" to the winner. "Come on Tim"

Instead of Tennis I'll leave you with a Samurai playing baseball - with his sword.

Let's Hear It For Channel Four

With television full of changed schedules on Friday night we watched a couple of the biographies of Michael Jackson and pretty grim they were too with plenty of comments on the sex scandal charges and on his horrendous addiction to plastic surgery but then there was Channel 4 that stood out like a beacon. No lurid tabloid gossip, no snickering at the mess that he had become. No. Someone at Channel 4 made a decision (and a bloody brilliant one too) to simply string together an hour's worth of his best music videos and run a ticker tape along the bottom with some salient words such as "This was the most expensive video, this album came in at number one etc etc etc" and let us savour the reason why every newspaper, every news bulletin and every channel was covering little else. Hat's off to four. You even managed to bring a tear to these cold and unemotional eyes.



Today's final offer in our June month of daily deals is 50% off every unit that we have in our current ex-demo stock. We have managed to build up a fair number of boilers that have been returned following loan on exhibitions or use in trial kitchens, reclaimed from bankrupt customers or suffered minor transit damage.We have no real outlet for these items. Most are in new or nearly new condition and we can offer them at 50% off the (already discounted) prices that you will find by clicking HERE


Now that Jenny and Craig are back from their fortnight's holiday looking tanned and relaxed we have got to get down to deciding upon Natalie's replacement. We hope to have a decision by tomorrow so will be letting the lucky (or not so lucky maybe) applicant know very soon.

I am getting nowhere with the groin strain that has been troubling me for months now. It's easing ever so slightly but I am hobbling like an old man and have not been able to swim or play football since the first week of May. I've booked an appointment with a specialist this afternoon and maybe she will be able to advise me how to get it better. I don't want to raise my hopes too much but it is really starting to get me down.

It looks like the Toyota Prius is going to be the choice ahead of the Honda Insight. The deal clincher is the sun roof. The new Prius has a solar panelled sun roof as an option whereas the Insight has no sun roof option at all. The big problem is that the new Prius is not out yet so there are none of the super deals that I was expecting in these recessionary times. I was half expecting a buy one get one free offer such is the doom and gloom in the motor industry but no such luck. Even the APR on the deals that Toyota are offering at 10.5% is not exactly attractive. Another snag is that as they don't have one in the showroom yet I'll be buying blind.

Maybe I'll just go for one of these little numbers.

Let's Show Some Respect

It's only a few hours since Michael Jackson passed away but already the Internet is awash with sick jokes. I like a laugh as much as the next bloke but when will people realise that to poke fun at a personal tragedy just ain't funny. The same happened when Jade Goody died and with the attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team. Look. There are millions of things to make jokes about, leave the dead alone. If you were around when the Jackson Five first took to the stage, you will never forget Michal's impact. If YouTube had been around then, it would have made the recent Susan Boyle phenomenon pale into insignificance - it was that good. R.I.P Michael. I wasn't a fan after you grew up but nobody deserves to be mocked in death.



Lauren has to get away early today as, for a surprise for her mum Kathy's recent 60th birthday, the family have treated her to the Take That Circus tour at Old Trafford tonight - in a box no less!! So do us a favour and don't order anything this afternoon. Good present that when everyone else gets to share it with you. For Marion's next birthday I'm going to treat her to a box at Anfield for a big European game.If you read this Kathy,(who looks like she's celebrating her 50th) have a great night.



Today's special June offer is on the new sous vide units. For one day only until 1pm on Monday 29th June there will be an extra 10% discount on the fabulous SV25 and SV38. To qualify for this discount orders must be place by 1pm on Monday and MUST quote blog offer 260609.

Today marks the end of an era as we say goodbye to Natalie Drummond who has found that, working full time, she was not seeing enough of her daughter Olivia. Nat has been with us for almost two years and we wish her well for the future. She has promised that her mum will carry on bringing the bacon butties on Fridays. We have to decide on her replacement now.



As I write this, after a week of beautiful weather, the sun has just gone behind a big cloud. Typical. Just in time for the weekend. I'll close today with one hell of a cool dude.

Almost There

After a few months our gas tower is down to the last two levels now. One of the demolition workers popped into the factory on Tuesday and asked if he could reverse his lorry into our car park. "No problem" we said before an enormous low loader carrying a massive crane backed in and promptly churned two tracks into the warm tarmac. Fortunately the workers were very good and have made quite a good job of patching the mess up.



Today's special June offer which will run until Monday at 10.am is an extra 10% off all the twin tapped CT range boilers. That's the CT4000-3.CT4000-6,CT6000-6 and CT6000-9. A saving of up to £96.90. To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta by the deadline and MUST quote reference blog offer 250609.

We're well into the holiday season now and when I go round with the pay packets it feels like there are more people away than are here. I know that isn't quite true but I'm hearing all about Nick's forthcoming trip to St Lucia and Lauren and Daz's holiday in Turkey whilst me and Marion are planning three nights in Dundee.(Tis madness but there be method in it).



I had a vist from Damian Thompson from Andy Bounds Ltd yesterday. We saw Andy give one of his motivational speeches at the recent CEDA conference and were impressed. Damian is going to give us a quote for training our sales team as young Craig Buckley is going to join Nick and Peter on the road in September so,coming at the job as a completely raw recruit, some professional training might go down well. I imagine the session might go a little bit like this.

Gone Fishin'

One of the benefits of the four day factory week that we have been operating here at Instanta for years is the chance for people to indulge in some of their hobbies on a Monday when the golf course is emptier,the riverbank quieter and the swimming pool isn't clogged with screaming kids.The beauty of the working hours for both Instanta and the staff is that they still put in a 35 hour working week but if an increase in production is needed they can always work Mondays in an emergency.This Monday welders Craig Peach (top) and Darren Rodwell used that time to visit some ponds in Mawdesley and they both ended up with a net full of fish.Here they are with two of the specimen carp that they landed. I've been told that there was a wager between the two about whose was the biggest but Darren suggested that they go fishing instead.



And just to show that we didn't spend Nick Neal's winnings for coming second in our Guardian Pick The Score competition on bacon butties here he is with his £50 prize. Nick led the league for most of the early months but Tony Lowe with an incredible run of correct predictions had a late surge to take the prize from his grasp.



Speaking of sports predictions I see that the bookies were suspicious of the huge number of bets that they took on Jurgen Melzer to beat Wayne Odesnik 3-0 at Wimbledon and they suspended betting on the match which strangely went on to finish er 3-0 to Melzer. Odesnik said that he would never do anything to jeopardise his career although rumours that he spent the night before the game at an O'Neils bar may have set the jungle drums off amongst the betting community with suggestions of an almighty hangover.Until the incident is investigated they will remain just that - rumours.



Proof that democracy is alive and well under the new (old) regime in Iran. When six of the national team, including their captain, wore green wristbands in support of the opposition candidate Mir Hossein Musavi in their World Cup Qualifier against South Korea they were told to remove them at half time (although captain Mahdavikia wore his green captain's armband for the entire match). All of the players have had their passports taken off them and four have been banned from playing for life. Which I imagine is exactly the sort of thing that they were protesting about. I had to laugh when I read in The Guardian that the team's chief administrative officer, Mansour Pourhiedari, initially claimed the wristbands had been intended as a religious tribute to a revered Shia figure in the hope that it would deliver a victory on the pitch. It reminded me of Gerard Houlier's comments after Robbie Fowler snorted the white line of the penalty area in a goal celebration "Robbie was pretending to eat the grass. It is something that Rigobert Song does all the time at the training ground" Hmmm. Obviously Gerard.



And still on Iran, let's all please remember Neda Soldani like this. Her tragic death during the political protests has been viewed by millions on YouTube but I have deliberately avoided watching it and won't be posting any links here. Surely the simple fact that a young woman's life has been taken away by an undemocratic regime is enough without our needing to see her life blood draining onto the streets. R.I.P Neda. Let's hope that your death was not in vain.



Following the results of yesterday's very special offer we are continuing it today. Yes. We are offering 30% YES THIRTY PER CENT off the super AF40 heated cup stacker.That's a reduction of £79.50 Designed to take forty 85mm stacking cup this is a great little unit and you can take advantage of this offer by ordering today and quoting blog offer 230609. Offers must reach us by Friday 26 June at 4.30pm.



It's Orange Wednesday today but we might give it a miss. It's a glorious day here in Southport and we may just spend the evening in the garden as the nights do start drawing in from now onwards.

It was Father's Day on Sunday and I got a great card from Sarah and Paul tells me that he has sent me something but didn't realise that it was ten day delivery!Here's a video on the topic. Give it a go. It made me laugh out loud.

The Boy Who Did A Poo In Our Garden

When I was about seven my mum invited a neighbour's five year old son around to play in the garden with my sister. It was a warm and sunny day and the kiddies were left to their own devices. Some time after Christian (not his real name) arrived, my mum came into the house ashen faced and told me in horrified and hushed tones that Christian had (in genteel sixties parlance) "done his business" on the rockery. Armed with a shovel mum went into the garden and removed the offending steaming pile. I saw Christian on and off during the next twenty years (he was a few years below me at school)but I haven't seen him since.Until yesterday that is.I was standing in the queue at the bank and there he was, a smart businessman doing his banking. What were my thoughts when I saw him? "There's the boy who captained the second XV at rugby?""There's the boy who did well in his o'levels?""There's the boy who went out with that pretty girl from Greenbank High School?" NO. All I could think was "There's the boy who did a poo in our garden".Some things just stick with you forever.



At the weekend I blogged about my childishly joining in the twitter campaign to sabotage the Daily Mail's online poll. It was all a bit of harmless fun. But I didn't expect our already completely discredited MPs to do the same. When the chance arises to elect a new Speaker of the House of Commons that hugely important position, who do they choose? John Bercow. And why do they choose him? Because there are more Labour than Tory MPs. So he's a Labour MP then? No he's a Tory. So the Labour MPs vote in a Tory? Why? Because all the Tories hate Bercow.Now if that isn't the most childish and frivolous treatment of a serious issue, what is? And to think they expect us to vote for them next year!



I see that the Times managed to use a bit of detective work and track down Night Jack the anonymous policeman blogger who recently won the Orwell prize for his writing. Despite trying an injunction, the policeman lost his anonymity and turned out to be a copper from up here. I'm not sure what the Times gained from this outing. By writing anonymously, Jack Night had the opportunity to write things that he could never write openly for fear of breaching his duties of confidentiality. Now that his identity has been revealed the blog has been taken down and he is probably in trouble at work. Apart from proving how clever their reporters are The Times has gained nothing from this public outing and closed down a well respected blog that had a loyal following. I hope nobody ever outs me.I've been hiding behind the mask of a bloke who runs a boiler making factory and got away with it for over twelve months so far.



And just to mess that bloke from Instanta up, here is today's very very special offer. Yes. Today we are offering 30% YES THIRTY PER CENT off the super AF40 heated cup stacker.That's a reduction of £79.50 Designed to take forty 85mm stacking cup this is a great little unit and you can take advantage of this offer by ordering today and quoting blog offer 230609. Offers must reach us by Friday 26 June at 4.30pm.



A couple of blog readers have suggested to me that there is another green alternative to the Toyota and Honda that I mentioned yesterday. I could fulfil my green ambitions with a Lexus. Sadly Steve Coogan, in his persona of Alan Partridge single handedly demolished the credibility of the brand and no Partridge fan can look at a Lexus without sniggering at its plural "Lexi" and thinking of Alan's first meeting with sleazy Dan.

There's No Green Option With A Merc

In about eight weeks I have to hand the keys to my beautiful Merecedes CLS back to the local dealer and walk away holding back the tears. I'm not a car lover and don't know a spark plug from a carburettor but I do love this car. It has been a pleasure to drive and a joy to own. But all good things must come to an end and my conscience has been niggling away at me for the past three years. Instanta's hard earned and fully justified green credentials have been somewhat tarnished by my gas guzzling and somewhat hypocritical vehicle choice and it's time to redress the balance. Sadly there's no green or electric option with Mercedes and none of their cars could in any way be described as being green unless you're talking about the colour.



So how about the Teslar Roadster? This electric vehicle is due over here soon but, as sexy as it looks, I haven't arrived at the male menopause just yet and, to be honest, the reviews were far from enthusiastic.





So it looks like a toss up between these two.The Toyota Prius and the Honda Insight. Both have impeccable green credentials and both have a £15 road tax and no London Congestion charge. Both have an mpg approaching 60 and neither looks too bad.Is it just me or do you think that there has been a bit of copying here? Both these look incredibly similar. It will all boil down to features and a test drive.I'm starting to forget the Merc already.



Here's son Paul and his fiancee Josephine with the Black Farmer's daughter at the weekend's Taste Food Festival in Regent's Park.The couple had a great afternoon sampling the delights on offer and were one of the Black Farmer's daughter's first customers. Great brand name that. Don't know how it would go down in the States where there must be thousands of black farmers but it seems that ,over here, he's the only one.



Marion and I are taking our fellow board members for lunch at the Warehouse today. I don't seem to get the chance to chat here at the office and whenever we have board meetings it's all work, work, work so I thought that it might be good to allocate a bit of time to less business orientated conversation. No doubt we'll end up talking about all the staff. Just kidding if any of you are reading this.We'll only be talking about Craig.

Our special June offer today is 10% off the HCC60 heated cup carousel. This bargain price of just £562.50 is valid until 12 noon tomorrow 23rd June 2009 and to qualify orders must reach us by then and MUST quote reference blog offer 220609.


I'll leave you with a song for the day.

Sabotaging Polls The Latest Fun Internet Activity

I am indebted to ace photographer Peter Raymond for pointing me in the direction of the most ridiculous Internet poll being run by The Daily Mail (surprise surprise). The question was about gypsies getting priority on the NHS (should the NHS allow Gypsies to jump the queue?) and had been picked up by a twitterer who suggested that everyone should vote YES. By the time I registered my vote a massive 93% had done the same.By the time I got to writing this, the poll had mysteriously disappeared from the Mail website although the wonderful Richard Littlejohn's article that prompted the poll is still there. Never mind; there are plenty of other stupid polls for you to vote on and you can do so by clicking here So far I have cast my vote in favour of Mail hates wheelie bins and more control by Europe but sadly the Mail is showing signs of being undemocratic and taking down polls that aren't heading the way of their editorials. I'm looking forward to voting in favour of asylum seekers next. I know its all a bit childish and just like when I go onto the Man United and Everton websites and vote for their absolutely worst players for "Man of the Match" just as I am sure that United and Everton fans go on Liverpool's and vote for Lucas.



Last Friday night I managed to lose a few quid by betting on Big Brother without watching it and turned out to have backed people who had already left, so this week I have taken it more seriously and bet £100 by looking at the Digital Spy favourites poll. (Oh my God! Let's hope it hasn't been sabotaged by Betfair players or Daily Mail readers seeking revenge). I won't know for a few weeks yet as I think it's August when the winner is announced.



Speaking of winners I was thrilled to see a woman (and an American at that) winning Mastermind last night with an amazing score of 30 points. I got thirty right myself but I had six contestants worth of questions to answer.Well done Nancy Dickmann and sorry for posting this the only photo of you I could find (it was on Facebook). I'm sure that if I had waited to post this there would have been hundreds of photos on the web. After all that effort and four months of competition what did Nancy win? An engraved bowl.She should try "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" next.



I jumped the gun the other day when I congratulated the powers that be in Iran for agreeing to a recount. It didn't happen.


Marion is off to visit daughter Sarah in Edinburgh today. I'm sure that they will have a wonderful day and I'm sorry that I won't be looking around the shops with them.It's sad that with a daughter in St Andrews and a son in London we get few opportunities to see the kids nowadays.At least neither has emigrated yet.I'll finish today with a video dedicated to son Paul and his fiancee Josephine who are planning to get married next year.

Where's The Pizza?

We had a staff meeting this morning. That's when I stand in front of all the staff and tell them how the company has been doing for the last few months. I was pleased to be able to tell everyone that we were bucking the trend and that the company has done OK for the first nine months of the financial year. Productivity targets have been met in eight of the last nine months and the staff productivity bonus due in September should be significantly up on last year. As the meeting drew to a close I presented storeman Tony Lowe (above left) and sheet metalworker Dave Horrocks (right)with their prizes for our Guardian Pick The Score league. Tony, who finished way ahead of the field won £100 and Dave who finished third won £25. Second prize winner Nick Neal was not present to pick up his prize so we've used it to buy this week's bacon butties (just kidding Nick).At the end of the meeting I asked ,as usual, if anybody had any questions. The only question "Where's the pizza?". I baked a pizza for the office a few months ago and promised to do the same for everyone else at the next staff meeting but (completely out of character) I forgot. Anyway who wants pizza at 9 o'clock in the morning? Sorry lads.



I was fascinated to hear on the radio this morning that Health & Safety has gone mad in some schools and goggles have been prescribed for teachers putting posters up with blue-tak, running has been banned in the playground and conkers are a thing of the past. When I was a kid, everyone had scabby knees and grazed shins and I wonder if we aren't wrapping our children up in too much cotton wool today. Mind you such is the blame culture today I suppose that a kid coming home with a bloody nose would be down at the solicitors first thing in the morning.



And speaking of blame culture I was amazed to read that the families of these thugs who were jailed recently are going to sue the police (who put up the posters) for breaching their human rights as some family members have suffered a backlash as a result. Aaaaah. What happened to their dead victims' human rights?



Southport's gangland saga continues. This week a restaurant in Formby associated with the business partner of last week's shooting victim was fire bombed and completely gutted. If all of the last few months goings on had been written into the East Enders script the BBC bosses would be complaining that it was getting too far fetched.



No additional special offer today. Yesterday's offer of 10% off the CT2000 will run until Monday at 10.am.Don't forget to quote blog offer 180609.

Here's a video that shows what happens when kids are kids and there's not one of those school health and safety officers about. What do they do? Flush the puppy down the loo of course.