The Boy Who Did A Poo In Our Garden

When I was about seven my mum invited a neighbour's five year old son around to play in the garden with my sister. It was a warm and sunny day and the kiddies were left to their own devices. Some time after Christian (not his real name) arrived, my mum came into the house ashen faced and told me in horrified and hushed tones that Christian had (in genteel sixties parlance) "done his business" on the rockery. Armed with a shovel mum went into the garden and removed the offending steaming pile. I saw Christian on and off during the next twenty years (he was a few years below me at school)but I haven't seen him since.Until yesterday that is.I was standing in the queue at the bank and there he was, a smart businessman doing his banking. What were my thoughts when I saw him? "There's the boy who captained the second XV at rugby?""There's the boy who did well in his o'levels?""There's the boy who went out with that pretty girl from Greenbank High School?" NO. All I could think was "There's the boy who did a poo in our garden".Some things just stick with you forever.



At the weekend I blogged about my childishly joining in the twitter campaign to sabotage the Daily Mail's online poll. It was all a bit of harmless fun. But I didn't expect our already completely discredited MPs to do the same. When the chance arises to elect a new Speaker of the House of Commons that hugely important position, who do they choose? John Bercow. And why do they choose him? Because there are more Labour than Tory MPs. So he's a Labour MP then? No he's a Tory. So the Labour MPs vote in a Tory? Why? Because all the Tories hate Bercow.Now if that isn't the most childish and frivolous treatment of a serious issue, what is? And to think they expect us to vote for them next year!



I see that the Times managed to use a bit of detective work and track down Night Jack the anonymous policeman blogger who recently won the Orwell prize for his writing. Despite trying an injunction, the policeman lost his anonymity and turned out to be a copper from up here. I'm not sure what the Times gained from this outing. By writing anonymously, Jack Night had the opportunity to write things that he could never write openly for fear of breaching his duties of confidentiality. Now that his identity has been revealed the blog has been taken down and he is probably in trouble at work. Apart from proving how clever their reporters are The Times has gained nothing from this public outing and closed down a well respected blog that had a loyal following. I hope nobody ever outs me.I've been hiding behind the mask of a bloke who runs a boiler making factory and got away with it for over twelve months so far.



And just to mess that bloke from Instanta up, here is today's very very special offer. Yes. Today we are offering 30% YES THIRTY PER CENT off the super AF40 heated cup stacker.That's a reduction of £79.50 Designed to take forty 85mm stacking cup this is a great little unit and you can take advantage of this offer by ordering today and quoting blog offer 230609. Offers must reach us by Friday 26 June at 4.30pm.



A couple of blog readers have suggested to me that there is another green alternative to the Toyota and Honda that I mentioned yesterday. I could fulfil my green ambitions with a Lexus. Sadly Steve Coogan, in his persona of Alan Partridge single handedly demolished the credibility of the brand and no Partridge fan can look at a Lexus without sniggering at its plural "Lexi" and thinking of Alan's first meeting with sleazy Dan.