Headless Nude Found In Garden

Regular readers may recall how we returned home one day a couple of months ago to find that our local garden contractor had managed to dig up an ivy that we wanted trimming and trim a bush that we wanted digging up. The dust eventually settled and yesterday we asked Freddie (not his real name) to return and put up some trellis. I've known Freddie for thirty years now and I'm not one to let one little mistake sour our relationship. I went into the garden to inspect the finished job which was great. But near to the trellis was an unrecognisable terracotta lump. Well, unrecognisable for a split second that was. It was an antique art deco nude sculpture that had sat serenely by the pond for years and was now sitting serenely minus her head. "What happened to the statue?" I asked "Oh sorry John I caught her with the drill cable. Can I replace her for you?" I smiled whilst inside I was screaming. Said statue was worth twice as much as the work he'd just carried out. "No. Just stick her head back on please Freddie." Let's hope he sticks it back on the right way round. With a £250 excess on the insurance it's not worth a claim.



The pond with nude in left foreground before her "accident"



Speaking of insurance, our household renewal papers came from our brokers a couple of weeks ago. The excess had risen to £500 and the monthly premiums to almost £200 an increase of over 15%. Now I'm usually pretty passive on this sort of thing and would have just filed it away but at the moment Marion has her credit crunch crusade going and started shopping around. Eventually she got the same cover for almost £90 per month less on the Internet. And what's more she got if from THE SAME INSURER! This was a huge lesson for us both.



Apart from enjoying a fine meal that Marion cooked and the company of our old friends Dave and Jane Haworth, yesterday was altogether a bit of a disappointment. What with the lady losing her head,Manchester United winning the Premiership, no numbers on the lottery and non stop torrential rain in the garden. At least we had Eurovision to look forward to and the magnificent rainbow that appeared just before it started raised the spirits.



But sadly for a big Eurovision fan like me, it only added to the day's catalogue of disappointments.Apart from the girls splashing around in transparent paddling pools suspended from the ceiling which looked as if it had been designed for alternative entertainment at a lap dancing venue, there was very little in the Eurovision spirit. The occasional comedy interludes kept up the comedy interlude tradition by not being remotely funny whilst the runaway winning song from Norway wasn't even hummable. At least the Turkish entry Num Tek Tek had enough bare flesh to keep it high on the leader board (God knows how the Muslim politicians who wanted bikinis banned from billboards in Turkey will have reacted) and Germany's burlesque number was visually entertaining (shame about the song). My douze points would unquestionably have gone to the Ukraine for the incredible set, wonderful dancers' costumes and the singer who looked like she had taken fashion tips from some ladies of the night - and the song about "sexy boms" wasn't bad either. Of course this means that we haven't see this week's "Britain's Got Talent Yet".I wonder if there is a rival to our Greg yet.

I'll leave you today with the song that should have been a worthy winner.