Sold Out

We pride ourselves in having everything in stock all the time but the recent rush on our new 1500LCD boilers (screen pictured above) has been unprecedented and we are sold out until next week. Apologies if we have let you down but it you are desperate ring Craig and he will see if he can make you a special offer on our 3000LCD boilers as a substitute. If you Skype him using Skype video the offer will be even better.

Meanwhile I got this really nice feedback on eBay for the first item that I put for sale last week "Brilliant seller, the item is perfect and delivery was super fast and safe". It's nice to be appreciated. Suitably encouraged I have put another 10 items up for sale this week and this fine Dutch tile seems to be getting a lot of interest.



If you are not an eBayer like me. Check this out. It captures the eBay spirit exactly

Do they think we are mugs?

Perhaps, after news of our scrap metal walking out of the door got out, people now think we are a soft touch. But if you really want to rip us off you are going to have to try harder than "Stephen" from Uganda's famous Entebbe Top View Inn. So famous that it does not show up on google. Stephen asked us to quote for a couple of boilers for the inn and then sent us a cheque.



For some reason he generously sent us a cheque for £2500 even though the invoice is for just £1277.80. Barclays confirm that the cheque is counterfeit and have passed it on to the fraud department. For the time being we are having a bit of fun at Stephen's expense and are stringing him along with all sorts of encouragement. Just hope he doesn't have a big mate here in England.



Today's birthday boy is assembly worker Lee Moore (above). Keen golfer Lee (29) has only been with us for a few months so I don't know him well yet but, in the Instanta tradition, he has a relation (machine tester cousin Andy Fyles) on the workforce who introduced him to us. I hope Lee has a great day and gets a good score on the inevitable round of golf.

And here are directors Nick and Dave who somehow got missed from the photos of the night at the dogs.

Dogs and Birthdays

There's been a board meeting today so blogging time is limited.

Last night a group of us went to the dogs and a great time was had by all. There were not a lot of winners amongst us (I made a princely £7.50) but the food and the company were good and Belle Vue Stadium in Manchester run a really smooth and efficient operation.
Here are some of the lads (and Jenny of course)

And here is Sue from the office with Sheet Metal Workers Dave & Kev

And speaking of Kev, here he is at work on the folder. It's Kev's 37th birthday on Sunday. Kev has worked for us twice during the last 20 years and had a brief sabbatical in the Royal Navy in between. His latest stint at Instanta started in June 1999 and following the departure of our light fingered head of department he is jointly running the Instanta metalwork at the moment. And a very good job of it he is doing too. Wishing him a very happy birthday on Sunday.



And at the same time our head of wiring Martin Rimmer will be celebrating his 49th birthday. My mum once went around to our service engineer John Rimmer's house and took such a shine to his son Martin that she offered him a job. Suffice to say, over 25 years later, Martin is still with us (his dad has now retired). We hope that Martin has a great day.

TAX TAX TAX BANK CHARGES BANK CHARGES BANK CHARGES WHERE'S THE NEAREST TALL BUILDING TO JUMP OFF

Without wishing to sound too much like Victor Meldrew I just can not believe the completion statement we have just got for buying the freehold of our premises. The vendors are selling this with VAT payable so we have to find £66,500 for four months until we can get it back. For the luxury of this, the bank are charging us a £600 fee plus interest at a high rate. And then to rub salt into the wound we have to pay stamp duty on the VAT. So just because the vendors are selling plus VAT we are having to spend £4590 extra in tax and bank charges. What a waste of money.

Fortunately we have got Flossie (pictured below) to get us out of this hole.

Yes 13 of us (13 that's bit ominous isn't it?)are off to Belle Vue tonight and we are going to put the mortage on Flossie in race 6 (don't tell the bank manager). It promises to be a really good night. Don't expect any more blogs if Flossie lets us down.

I took a loss on Mark Hughes going to Man City but fortunately I layed him on the Chelsea job and am now up to a minimum £85 profit on that market. Dipped my toe in the Blackburn market but took it staight out again with a profit of £1.72. Will leave that one alone.

My first ebay sales in months finish today and I have high hopes for this great Poole vase from the early 1930's. There are 48 people watching it and it has already topped what I paid for it. Have my fingers crossed.

Not sure if it was my best idea putting my direct phone number on the website. I keep getting calls for people wanting to order spare parts. Never mind, the customer is always right and if he wants the MD to send the spares then so be it.

Board meeting tomorrow so heavily involved in preparing reports. No time for jokes (there's a relief for you)

Keeping it in the family (part 2) Plus Skype Special Offer

Last month we highlighted two father and son pairs of Instanta employees and today, continuing in the family vein here we have a mum and son. Our buyer Gav Ford is pictured above with mum Margaret.

Gav has worked for Instanta since June 1987 (15 months longer than me). Since he joined us he has gone from assembly worker to assistant director gaining an engineering degree along the way. His passions are Motor Bikes and St Helens Saints RLFC. Mum Margaret works part time in our office. She is a registered child minder and mad about horses and Elvis. She recently went on a week long Elvis convention and came back unable to speak after singing along all week.

That's six of our employees with family connections highlighted on the blog so far but I am a long way from telling you about them all.

Still banging on and getting on my high horse about the wonders of Skype and the savings that businesses could make by getting reps off the road and into video calling I am offering £10 off the list price to anyone placing an order for a boiler today via Skype video. The offer is limited to one boiler per customer and valid until the end of today 4th June 2008.


On the betting front I am having great fun on Betfair playing the Chelsea and Man City Manager markets. If Hughes go to Man City I will lose £30 but whoever goes to Chelsea I will be £70+ in pocket. Half the fun of this is reading the online forum posts by desperate punters trying to get the odds on their choices to change and the number of people with "inside sources" and the number of people who have seen (insert name of foreign manager here)at the airport, on his way to Chelsea, in a taxi, meeting Abramovich and so on is hilarious. At least it would be if some of the gullible punters didn't sometimes believe some of this stuff and waste their hard earned cash.

A Dazling Performance In The Golf

The Instanta Golfers



9 Keen Instanta Golfers enjoyed a great day of golf yesterday at Fishwick Hall near Preston. The day started with 12 holes practice followed by lunch and then the important 18 hole competition played under Stapleforth rules. The winner was welder Darren (Daz) Rodwell who scored 34 points to win by a good margin against Sales Manager Peter Brindle on 28 who just pipped Assembly Worker Craig Mercer on 27.

Daz celbrates sinking a put to seal his victory


And pictured with his tropy


I am sure that all who took part wll join me in thanking Peter Brindle (the only Instanta golfer with a hole in one to his name) for all the hard work and effort that he put in to organise the day. God will thank you one day Peter with a win.

Which reminds me of a golfing story.

There was a priest who loved golf. He was pretty good at it and had two nuns as an entourage who would follow him around and watch him play. One Saturday the priest was having a great round, when he came to the eighth hole. He started off with a beautiful drive to down the fairway, and a nice chip to the green. When he goes to putt the ball it rolls straight for the hole, swerves, misses rolls down the hill and into the lake. The priest enraged by this setback in an otherwise perfect round takes out his sand wedge, bends it over his knee, and hurls it at a tree screaming at the top of his voice:

"GODDAMNIT, missed!"

The two nuns are shocked and berate him saying, "You shouldn't swear or GOD will get you."

The priest, a little embarassed decides to continue his round. Amazingly, he finds that his game is improving. However when he gets to the thirteenth hole he drives a wicked slice into the water hazard, takes his penalty and winds up on the green one under par. He putts the ball, it rolls straight for the hole swerves rolls down the hill and into a rabbit hole. The priest, red with anger, takes his favorite driver and bashes it on a nearby rock screaming:

"GODDAMNIT, missed!"

The two nuns stare at him and say, "We're warning you, curb your swearing or GOD will get you."

The priest ignoring them continues with his game and manages to turn things around so that by the time he is at the eighteenth hole he is almost as good as his personal best. He drives the ball from the tee on a par four to within two feet of the cup. If he makes his next putt he will beat the clubhouse record. He lines up his putt, swings, it rolls toward the hole swerves, hits a rock bounces towards the lake where just before it hits the water, a fish leaps up out of the water swallows the ball and dives away. This makes the priest so furious that he takes his entire bag and hurls it into the lake, screaming after the fish:

"GODDAMNIT, missed!"

Suddenly, dark clouds begin to gather, thunder booms, and lightning strikes the two nuns dead followed by a loud booming voice


"DAMNIT, missed"

Workhouse Marketing A Brilliant Company

We were looking for a new brochure designer last year when a brilliantly simple mailshot arrived in the post. 99.9% of direct mail finds its way straight into the bin but we were captivated by the humour and readability of the piece and immediately contacted the creators Workhouse Advertising and Marketing of Ribchester who then went on to produce our super new brochure. We recently helped them out in making sure that they got the best boiler for their staff kitchen and, true to form, their response (above) was typically fresh and simple. If you are looking for a team to help your own promotions we can't recommend them highly enough.

Meanwhile the office and factory are quiet today as it's Instanta's golf day organised by sales manager Peter Brindle. 194 staff and guests have gone for a few rounds of golf and, as the sun is shining at the moment, it looks like they will be having a good time. We will report tomorrow when we get the results.