A Memory Like A Sieve

On yesterday's blog I was going on about our regular Wednesday trip to the pictures but someone reminded me that tonight is our bowling night so we won't be going. I really must buy myself one of those personal organiser things or a diary perhaps. At the moment I have to rely on Marion and she's not always here.I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.Oh well, maybe we'll get to the pictures next week. I've no idea if I'll be able to play at the bowling as, being in need of a hip replacement, I'm not exactly supple at the moment.



Craig Mercer tells me he's determined to add Ten Pin Bowling to his Victor Ludorum title. I mentioned it to him and he said "Yes I want to be that Victor bloke. But who is he?". He wants to be the top scorer in the individual and team games and asked if I will erect a statue of him in the car park if he wins.



My novel has been posted on Harper Collins' authonomy website for a month or so now. It has risen to number 350 in the rankings but seems to be sticking around there now. I'm not prepared to get involved in the frantic emailing of other members for support in order to try and get it to rise higher so it will probably start sinking soon. I've enjoyed the experience but it is time now for it to be either sent to prospective publishers or put to one side.



Here's something we Liverpool fans won't be looking forward to in May. There's nobody to blame but the team itself. We just weren't good enough and could quite easily have slipped up last night. Oh well, I'll have to check the small print in my season ticket. No doubt I will have signed up to watch us play half a dozen matches in the Europa league.

I'll finish today with Toshiba's attempt to get into the viral video marketing scene. They've got a long way to go before they get close to the experts Samsung. But it's a start.

Treading Water

I really feel like I am treading water at the moment. Not in a bad way. It's just that we've got so much going on in preparation for next year but we are waiting for others until we can get really cracking.



Firstly there's the new literature. We're in the more than capable hands of our creative designers Workhouse marketing of Ribchester who are well under way with the design for the 2010/2011 brochure. We've agreed on the pagination and the colour scheme but we have to wait now for the bits that we have to fill in.



Then there's the new products for next year. We've got plans to introduce a fair few new models and everything is running smoothly but we're waiting for the tooling to be made and the software to be written so again there's not a great deal that we can do.Although when everything starts to come together we'll be buzzing around like the proverbial blue arsed flies.



And then there's the office. Things didn't quite work out with our last office member so we are understaffed in here at the moment which means Marion is not getting the time off that she was getting and is here for an eight hour day every day. And that means we're spending all our weekends on housework. But due to Craig being on a three month trial as a salesman we are hanging back on changing the office around and getting someone else in case he decides to come back and rejoin us.Fortunately he has only one more month's trial and we can decide how to man the office when he makes his decision.

So that's why I feel like I'm treading water.



There's a lot of water in my novel. I had a day's holiday yesterday and spent most of the time (apart from the wasted trip to Anfield) checking the edits that were done for me by a professional editor. It was a hard slog but I think that the book is now as finished as it will ever be. All I have to do now is try and find a publisher. That's really not going to be an easy task but I will persevere. I have put the book back on Harper Collins website. You can read a sample of it by clicking here.If you have any comments I would love to hear them.

Orange Wednesday this week is Ricky Gervais's The Invention Of Lying. The reviews have been mixed but generally positive.I know that Ricky Gervais is not as popular as he was but he is a very clever writer and we really loved both The Office and Extras. The premise of the film should make for some good jokes.

Here's a clip that's no joke.Now what is it you are supposed to do at a red light?

Man United Ruined My Accumulator

Was there ever a more bittersweet statement than that. Every week I make a donation to the coffers of Betfair and in return they let me forecast the outcome of between six and eight football matches in return for dreams of riches. And every week I forecast between five and seven of those matches correctly but hardly ever do I get them all right. This week was no exception but as the results at Newcastle and Sheffield came in I was, for once, starting to feel confident as I was sure that AZ Alkmar, Braga and Barcelona would do the business later on (which they did). That left just the mighty Man U against the minnows of Sunderland. And I didn't even have the pleasure of seeing them lose. As, of course, the obligatory injury time goal went in.




Nick tells me that his great new business idea has not brought results yet. Give it time Nick, give it time. I have put a link on Grannies Reunited.




I spent five hours editing my novel yesterday. My professional critic thought that it jumped around a bit too much so I have been cutting chapters and pasting them in other places to try an make a more even flow. The big problem then is continuity. For example one character has a disability caused by a long past accident. Have I mentioned it by Chapter six? No? Damn. Rewrite of Chapter six needed.



When I haven't time to get into writing the novel I've been spending a lot of time on Harper Collins Authonomy website. Here you can upload your book and let others criticise or praise it.Those who support the books which become most popular get points and rise up the charts as "Talent Spotters". I have somehow managed to get myself to number 63 in the Talent Spotter chart. I don't think that I am in a position to criticise but I certainly think I can tell if a book is readable or not.


I must thank our expert photographer Peter Raymond for giving me this link. He knows how I feel about bankers.

Product Placement - It's The Future

The other day I was delighted to read the news that British TV companies are finally going to be allowed to use product placement in their programmes. It will be fascinating to see if the Rovers finally stops selling Newton & Ridleys and moves to Carlsberg or Fosters. I see it as a huge opportunity for Instanta. You will already spot our boilers in the occasional drama and soap but I can see it going much further than that. Perhaps we'll get a couple of sous vide units in Masterchef and a boiler in River Cottage but we'll know we've made it when this sort of thing starts cropping up.

Craig Buckley is back in the office today after his first week on the road as a sales representative. Craig tells me that he enjoyed the week and met some very interesting people in Gloucester Bristol and South Wales. He did not bring any orders back but is confident that they will soon be flooding in. Someone commented last week that Craig looks very young for a salesman. What do you think?



I had a bit of time off yesterday and spent eight hours reworking my novel. I was criticised for writing a book that was too short at 52,000 words but now, with only half rewritten, I am up to 72,000. I've got a feeling it's going to turn into my Goldilocks moment. This one's too short, this one's too long but this one's just right! The big question is, is there a market for a soppy romance set on a Greek island? If Mamma Mia is anything to go by, perhaps there is.



I've got a really good site monitor program that shows me exactly where all the traffic to the blog comes from and what search terms have been used to get there. It's interesting to see how many people have been searching for Nick Neal lately. Is there anything we should know Nick? Or is there another Nick Neal?

If you enjoy tennis. You'll enjoy this. Have a good weekend.

I Need You

I took the plunge yesterday and made a portion of my novel public on the authonomy website. I've already had a number of very constructive criticisms from members and am delighted with their feedback. Now readers of this blog can help me. Here is a quote from the Authonomy website "Attracting external readership can really boost your visibility on the site. So if you already have champions from outside the authonomy community – whether that’s family, friends, colleagues or visitors to your blog, facebook profile or other website, you might also encourage them to join the site and get involved. If they can prove their credentials to the community by building their talent spotter rank, then they'll be in a position to be noticed and in turn help you raise the profile of your book." So there you go. If you get the opportunity, please take a look at my book by clicking here. And, if you like it, please join authonomy and put it on your authonomy book shelf.



I've made my decision on my accumulator bet and can go to Anfield tonight in the knowledge that I will be £430 better off when I get home. I would have loved to let the bet ride and win £900 but would not have enjoyed being at Anfield tonight knowing that a draw or defeat would lose me £160.



Here is Max together with Dan Shorrocks from CKS Blackpool (left) and Ian Morgan from John Morgan Catering Equipment (right).Max has been training Dan and Ian on servicing our boilers and I have been covering for him in his absence. I must say that it has been a quiet morning on the service desk. I had better check that we have switched the service phone on.




Son Paul and his fiancee Josephine have almost made a decision on the wedding and it looks like being on 13th February next. We have offered to help find a photographer for them. Do you know how many there are in London?!! The variety in the standard of the photos is amazing. Some websites have wedding photos that look like I took them on the Instanta blog camera whilst others look like they would not be out of place on the front page of Vogue. Until now I always thought that the word "photographer" implied a degree of artistic skill. The secret is going to be finding the one that looks like the cover of Vogue but costs the same as the one that looks like those on my blog. If you come into this category do please get in touch.

As the YouTube charts are now full of Saturday night's X Factor (622k hits for Danyl now, 474k for Stacy and 262k for our favourite Joe)I'll close today with something completely different. What an incredible throw.