Ony one week of blogging left

When compiling my list of thanks to all our wonderful Instanta employees yesterday, I said that Kirk was interesting. He's even getting mentioned on YouTube with this video being created entirely in response to his question.

Marion and I are off to the Northcote Manor in Whalley tonight for a meal out with friends Nita and Mark from Workhouse Marketing. It should be a great evening although I was one mouse click away from disaster as I booked on line and somehow managed to find another Northcote Manor in Devon. I filled in all the credit card non refundable booking but just before clicking the confirm button Marion spotted my mistake. Phew. We are going to make a weekend of it and , weather permitting, we hope to do some sight seeing around rural Lancashire on Saturday and then spend a night in Bolton before going to the big antiques fair at the Reebok stadium on Sunday morning. I'll be missing the match at Anfield but who in their right mind wants to go to a football match at 5.30 on a Saturday evening? Thank you ESPN and Barclays Premier League for putting us fans first.

There again our weekend could be ruined by our new dentist. For as long as we can remember our dentist was John Rostron who somehow managed to make going to the dentist a pain free experience. Sadly John retired recently and, on Marion's first visit to her new dentist, she was given a filling that involved thirty minutes' drilling and almost two weeks later it is still giving her terrible pain. Perhaps a few glasses of wine will numb her jaw for her.

I've been on Twitter for a few months now and I really like it. I find it keeps me bang up to date with all the important stuff that's going on in the world like Jason resigning from The One Show and the very latest virals on YouTube. You even get stuff on trivia like politics and current affairs. But the longer I am on Twitter the more isolated I feel and I am sure that I am not alone. Mere mortals like me can delight in reading the witty conversations going on between, for example, the wonderful contributors @IndiaKnight,  @GraceDent and  @CaitlinMoran and read the funny musings of  @SuePerkins,  @KateFlett and @ClareBalding but we are like Ebenezer Scrooge being shown the visions of a Christmas party by the ghost of Christmas present. We watch entertained  but will never be part of the party. Like the lonely kid in the playground we laugh at the popular kid's jokes but they never invite us to crack our own. We peer through the toy shop window knowing that we are going to find just a tangerine in our Christmas stocking. And if we do try to join in we face the rejection of being ignored or the worry that we are turning into creepy stalkers. So maybe we should all start following complete strangers who aren't in the public eye and create a group of sub-celebrity tweeters. And maybe we will then all begin to feel wanted.

Last year I managed to lose £200 betting on I'm A Celebrity without watching the programme and vowed never again. But the inveterate gambler in me took hold and when I heard that Jenny Eclair was going into the jungle I bunged £150 on her. She is such a funny comedian that she will surely go down a storm. Won't she? Still can't bear to watch it but I'm rooting for Jenny.

Let The Accolades Commence

I said that I planned to devote my last few weeks here to mentioning those who have helped contribute to Instanta's success over the last twenty years and I would like to start by mentioning local photographer Peter Raymond. Peter has been taking photographs for Instanta for the last five years and many people have commented upon the quality of the shots in our promotional material. Photographing shiny stainless steel boilers is not the simplest thing to do and Peter has been fastidious and a true perfectionist who always strives to achieve the best possible results. Look at any of Peter's photos and you won't find any unsightly reflections, incorrect shadows or smudges anywhere. He is an excellent all round photographer and, as you can see from his business card above, he is not a one trick pony and has far more than just industrial photography in his repertoire. Peter shares my love of The Pogues, The Archers and everything good on Radio 4 and we are on a similar wavelength on the social conscience front.Thanks for your excellent work Peter. I wish you every success for the future and will always look out for your Tweets on Twitter. Follow him @PeteRayUK

I don't know if Peter shares my love of The Apprentice but last night's episode was the best of the season so far. Alex Epstein pictured above with the beautiful but inaptly named Paloma (she's a long way from being a symbol of peace) somehow managed to stay in the show for yet another week despite exhibiting the entrepreneurial nous of a potato and speaking in the best apprentice speak possible (he's a "guru" who will make Lord Sugar billions). Mind you that's probably why he's still there. It is, after all, entertainment.

Which reminds me to remind you not to miss Paul's A League Of Their Own tonight at 10pm on Sky1 and Sky1HD. It's another double billing tonight with Amanda Holden, Kevin Pietersen, Joe Calzaghe and Patrick Kielty. It's bound to be funny although how on earth are they going to top John Bishop in spangly hot pants last week? I'm sure that they'll have a good stab at it.

I got home from work too late for the gym tonight so I'm going to have a go on the Wii fit for an hour. Not sure if I should as it keeps telling me that despite losing almost three stone I am still overweight and should be 11 stone (in which case I would be skin and bones). It also shows my Wii Mi figure as a very rotund fatty and then, to add further insult to injury, tells me that my Wii Age is no less than 73. Wait until I get that new hip, I'll give it 73.

Thought it might be nice to close with a song that Peter might enjoy. I certainly will.

Welcome Back Jenny

We've missed Jenny Buckley here in the office as she has been off sick for a couple of weeks but normal service was resumed today as she felt well enough to make a return.It's been an eventful couple of weeks and Jenny missed our weeks without broadband and the disaster when our computer server went bang. Fortunately Tony Lowe and the spares team made a huge effort to keep her work up to date for her whilst she was away and I am sure that she will find everything in apple pie order. Welcome back Jenny we are all glad to see you.

We've decided on something of a marathon for our regular Orange Wednesday cinema trip. We've wanted to see "Winter's Bone" since it was released but it's one of those non-blockbuster offerings that tend not to find their way into the multiplex cinemas such as our local - Vue. However, Vue has decided to give this one an airing - hooray. When? 10.30pm boo.

I don't really feel like going out at 10.30pm so we've decided to go and see "Buried" at 7pm and then pop out for a bite to eat and come back at 10.30pm. Hopefully we'll be able to keep awake and I hope that the films are as good as they've been billed. The film industry is weird. Nothing worth watching for months and then loads in the same week. I suppose it makes sense as there's no point in releasing your best offerings in the quiet of summer.

I wasn't alone in falling for the X Factor hype and blogging about the injustice done to Gamu. The blogosphere,Twitter and Digital Spy went into meltdown but I suspect that there's going to be a twist in the tail and I've already read reports of "Wild Card" entries being introduced which might explain the anomalies in the live finals line up. And with such a blatantly wrong choice the producers have gained the maximum possible publicity.

I am enoying being on Twitter even if I do have no followers. Some of the celebrities I follow were complaining the other day that their follower numbers had dropped to zero - I thought that was normal. One of the most active Tweeters is Lord Sugar ( @Lord_Sugar ). At the moment he's conducting a survey on the most hated newspaper and feels that he will get a realistic response. But as a statistician I have to differ as, instead of being the view of a cross section of the nation, it will be a cross section of people who use Twitter and follow one of three (Sugar, Jamie Oliver and Jonathan Ross) of the thousands of celebrities on the site. As one of only two who use Twitter at Instanta as far as I am aware, my response is bound to be unrepresentative and to prove it I just asked everyone in the office for their choice and none was the same as mine and three chose the same paper.


And here's one of the benefits of Twitter. How else would I have found this if @IndiaKnight had not mentioned it.

Happy Birthday Rob

Today (Sunday) we're sending our best birthday wishes to Rob Lowe who is responsible for our machine sales processing. Rob, whose dad Tony works in our stores, joined us in May and his presence in the office has certainly broadened our outlook on life. University educated Rob's interests range way beyond our usual comfort zone of X Factor and football and we now have wide ranging debates on topics as diverse as religion, politics and history and I will miss that when we retire in eight weeks' time. Rob is extremely conscientious in his attitude to work and I am sure that he will have a great future at Instanta after Marion and I have gone.If you get time to read this on your birthday Rob I hope that you have a wonderful day.

And Rob was not the only conscientious one here at Instanta as we recovered from the complete computer failure that hit us on Wednesday morning. It appears that when we moved a shelf in the computer network cabinet a box was knocked over. But it wasn't just a box, it was something to do with the power supply and it caused a power spike that took the server out. After thirty six hours sans computers we were back up and running late Friday morning and I would like to thank everyone in the office and stores for going out of their way to get things back on track and for working flat out throughout the day without any breaks in order to return us to normality. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed and were greatly appreciated. Every cloud has a silver lining and ,whilst I was not exactly overjoyed at the accident that caused £5,000 worth of damage, I was relieved to see that our insurers advise us that we are covered. Our first claim of any size for as long as I can remember.

Whilst Rob's arrival in the office has certainly increased our range of conversation there's no escaping the fact that X Factor is still the number one TV show to debate - Strictly comes nowhere near. And with costumes like that worn by Sinitta on Saturday's show it's hardly surprising. Dressed as some sort of Barbarella/warrior queen character from a teenage comic strip I imagine that the young boys in the groups that she was judging had difficulty in concentrating on their singing whilst Diva Fever were dying to know where they could get an outfit like it. We find out the final twelve tonight. At this point last year I had already tipped Joe as a likely winner but this year's choice is going to be much more difficult. I think that we can rule out all of the groups and most of the over 28's but there are three or four amongst the girls and boys who look good. Cher Lloyd,my favourite from the auditions, went down with a sore throat in last night's show and would not make the cut if judged on that performance alone but, as her auditions had more hits on YouTube than all of the others put together, I think that she will survive. I think that the top four will be Cher (most original girl),Gamu (best voice girl),Paije (best voice boy) and Matt(most original boy). I won't be putting any money on until the first live show.

On a more serious note, have you noticed the proliferation of suicide in the news recently? A couple of weeks ago there were the strangers who killed themselves after meeting on the internet and then two sex workers who apparently set up copycat deaths together soon afterwards. Yesterday I read of the director of the company who gave Northumbria Police the taser that was used on Raoul Moat, and later found not to be approved resulting in the company's license being revoked. And in the news last week was talented eighteen year old musician Tyler Clementi who leapt to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate secretly taped a video of the young man indulging in gay sex with another student and then posted the tape on the internet. I spent a couple of years as a Samaritan so know a little bit about the mindset of the suicidal. It is a hugely complex subject but what struck me about each of these cases was the impact of the media - both digital and traditional. The two strangers met via the internet and the copycats discovered the chemical recipe online. The director's company was all over the press and the young mans private life was broadcast for all at Rutgers University to see. Without the web would some of these at least still be alive? I have said on here that the internet is the most important tool in life today but it is time that we all think very very carefully about the potential consequences before we press the publish button. And is there not a good case for an increased Samaritans presence on the web? I notice that there are a fair number of Samaritan branches on Twitter but perhaps a worldwide permanently manned Twitter account might benefit those who have suicidal tendencies and are internet aware.

And I can't end with a jolly video after that although I hope to brighten things up tomorrow with news of a new Instanta baby if I get a photo.

You'll Never Wok Alone

I awoke to this morning's news that Liverpool, the club that I have supported for the past forty four years, is on the verge of being taken over by a consortium backed by the Chinese Government. I have nothing against Chinese people but why can't a local club be owned by local business people? Love them or hate them, the traditional British Football Club owners used to be fans themselves albeit fans with money to burn and they were most interested in seeing their teams play good football. Any overseas investor has to be in it purely for the money and, whilst I have no doubt that there is a tremendous opportunity to sell millions of shirts made in China to Chinese people, I can't see any local benefits to the deal. Instead of a labour of love as it was twenty years ago, owning LFC will continue to be the grubby exercise in commercialism that it became when Hicks and co took over. As a season ticket holder who no longer spends a penny in the ground (where programmes are £3,and Kit Kats £1)or in the club shop (Shirts £40 or more)I will be exactly the sort of customer that the new owners won't want. Why have loyal fans of forty four years standing when you can have day trippers and tourists who are going to spend fifty quid each on top of the ticket price?



Marion, Max and me are off to DeVere Staverton Park near Daventry tomorrow. We are going to the Zip annual conference and sales awards dinner.Max and I are giving a brief talk on how to service the boilers so the service department will be a bit thin on the ground here. Fortunately we don't get too many calls nowadays and I have written a help guide for everyone in the office to have a stab at helping if they can. We'll always be available on the mobile if they need us.



I just got some industry stats from our trade association CESA. It looks like the catering equipment industry is bouncing out of the recession with signs of healthy growth in the last two quarters after seven negative quarters. It's good to see this upswing. Although Marion and I only have four months to go, we want the business to be successful for everyone who works here and for our new owners.



I reached a milestone on my diet yesterday when I had to ask our factory leader Tony Mercer to punch a hole in my belt for me as my trousers were starting to fall down. I've been dieting for twelve weeks now and have lost 12 kilos so far and four inches off my waistline. Poor Marion , who really doesn't need to lose any more weight, has had to suffer this with me and we are both getting a bit fed up (if that's the right choice of words) with the tiny evening meals. The breakfasts and lunches are great and probably much more than we have ever eaten in the past but the evening meals rely heavily on brown rice and chicken and we could both murder a pizza. At the rate that I've been losing weight we've got another five weeks max. Roll on September.

Sadly no Orange Wednesday again this week. This summer's releases have been a pretty poor bunch (Toy Story 3 and Inception apart). And speaking of Inception, I am grateful to an old friend of Paul's for Twittering (sorry Tweeting I stand corrected) the link to this explanation. If you've seen the film you can now understand. If you haven't, this pretty well sums it up.

Happy Birthday Sean

It's thirteen years since a teenage Sean Johnson came for an interview at Instanta and it feels like only five minutes. Assembly worker Sean is celebrating his thirty second birthday today and I would like to offer my very best wishes. Keen fitness enthusiast Sean spends a good deal of time at his local gym pumping iron and the results are obvious with him looking a lot more muscular than when he joined us. When we ran our regular five a side games we could always rely on Sean to put in a spirited display and he became a regular goalscorer.As my blog will be ending with my retirement on 30th November this will be my last birthday blog for Sean and I would also like to thank him for his support over the last thirteen years and for his excellent attendance record - keeping fit has its benefits.Thanks Sean.



It's always sad when a popular figure passes away. Especially when they are brought down by addictions to booze (eg George Best, Brian Clough). Alex "Hurricane" Higgins is no exception but, apart from the excellent obituary by Clive Everton in the Guardian which you can read here, there was too little mention in the media of his violence. I am sure that the official that he head butted when he was hurried over a drug test won't have such fond memories. The love of his live Siobahn left with a fractured cheekbone and the news of his death would have been an ideal opportunity for the press to bring the ugly topic of domestic violence to the fore and give it the much needed publicity that it requires.One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute and two women are killed every week by a male partner or former partner (source women's aid).



Another thing that I won't be doing again after today is my daily trip to the post office. As our post was not arriving until after noon and the office staff were spending mornings twiddling their thumbs and afternoons overloaded with work, we took the decision to collect the post every morning. The men behind the counter in the sorting office are a great bunch. They are very friendly and extremely helpful and I will miss their cheerfulness. Tony Mercer will be taking over and popping in to the post office on his way to work which makes sense as it is on his route whereas it is a mile out of my way.



I am starting to get the hang of Twitter. I started tweeting progress on the field mice that had set up home in the garage. I caught two adults early last week and then on Friday there were no less than three babies in the traps. All were released safely to the park and there has been no mousy signs since so I think that the infestation may be over. Nothing to tweet about now. If anybody can recommend any people to follow, let me know. I am following comedians David Mitchell, Jack Dee and John Bishop. I am also following Cheggers (thekeithchegwin) after he was criticised for pinching other comedians' jokes (how precious of them). He tweets about half a dozen every day. Most are excruciatingly corny but every now and then there's one that raises a smile... "There are 3 types of people in this world...those who can count and those who can't "

And there are policemen who can't dance. And policemen who can.

Joined Twitter But Haven't Tweeted Yet

I like to think of myself as an early adopter of new technology.I joined Facebook ages ago (have since left),had Skyplus and HD tv from the start and was at the Apple store for the launch of the iPad (although they didn't persuade me to buy one). But Twitter is something that I have been aware of but haven't felt the urge to join. However, I noticed that our son Paul was using it a lot when we were with him last week so I decided to look into it. Haven't really sussed it or its potential out yet but I plan to find out more soon. In the meantime if you are a blog reader and you are on Twitter, please get in touch and I will add you to those I am following.If you are interested my tag is lfcchampions (don't ask).



Whilst on the subject of new technology, I keep seeing the adverts at the cinema for the new 3DTVs. I would love to have one of these but is it worth it yet? When we got HD there were only about three channels to watch and it was several years before we got the service that we get today and I suspect that there will be very little to watch in 3D at the moment and the near future. Will probably wait on this one.



Whilst I am twiddling my thumbs waiting for a visit from one of our Zip colleagues I have been having a sneaky look at Max's warranty figures. And very good they are too this month with jobs given out to our agents at less than fifty percent of the target figure. As we set the target pretty low anyway, that is a remarkable result and I hope that I am not tempting fate by drawing attention to it and go on to find out next week that the number of calls has doubled. Well done to everyone for making the boilers so reliable.




Magic Numbers on ITV1 on Saturday night at 8 o'clock promises to be a lot of fun again with X Factor's Diana Vickers performing and BGT judge Amanda Holden joining Stephen Mulhern for the show. Stephen seems to be a very popular choice of host and is very well liked. Nick's daughter Laura is working on the show and she told Nick that she met Stephen yesterday and he was very friendly. I think that the way that they react to humble runners in the production team is a true measure of the star quality of "celebrities" and, from what Paul has also told me, I think that Stephen has a very bright future. I really hope that a viewer wins a huge cash prize this week to shut up the Internet knockers who think that it is impossible - it isn't.

To get an idea of the flavour of the show - remember it's LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT, here is a clip from last week.

Sabotaging Polls The Latest Fun Internet Activity

I am indebted to ace photographer Peter Raymond for pointing me in the direction of the most ridiculous Internet poll being run by The Daily Mail (surprise surprise). The question was about gypsies getting priority on the NHS (should the NHS allow Gypsies to jump the queue?) and had been picked up by a twitterer who suggested that everyone should vote YES. By the time I registered my vote a massive 93% had done the same.By the time I got to writing this, the poll had mysteriously disappeared from the Mail website although the wonderful Richard Littlejohn's article that prompted the poll is still there. Never mind; there are plenty of other stupid polls for you to vote on and you can do so by clicking here So far I have cast my vote in favour of Mail hates wheelie bins and more control by Europe but sadly the Mail is showing signs of being undemocratic and taking down polls that aren't heading the way of their editorials. I'm looking forward to voting in favour of asylum seekers next. I know its all a bit childish and just like when I go onto the Man United and Everton websites and vote for their absolutely worst players for "Man of the Match" just as I am sure that United and Everton fans go on Liverpool's and vote for Lucas.



Last Friday night I managed to lose a few quid by betting on Big Brother without watching it and turned out to have backed people who had already left, so this week I have taken it more seriously and bet £100 by looking at the Digital Spy favourites poll. (Oh my God! Let's hope it hasn't been sabotaged by Betfair players or Daily Mail readers seeking revenge). I won't know for a few weeks yet as I think it's August when the winner is announced.



Speaking of winners I was thrilled to see a woman (and an American at that) winning Mastermind last night with an amazing score of 30 points. I got thirty right myself but I had six contestants worth of questions to answer.Well done Nancy Dickmann and sorry for posting this the only photo of you I could find (it was on Facebook). I'm sure that if I had waited to post this there would have been hundreds of photos on the web. After all that effort and four months of competition what did Nancy win? An engraved bowl.She should try "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" next.



I jumped the gun the other day when I congratulated the powers that be in Iran for agreeing to a recount. It didn't happen.


Marion is off to visit daughter Sarah in Edinburgh today. I'm sure that they will have a wonderful day and I'm sorry that I won't be looking around the shops with them.It's sad that with a daughter in St Andrews and a son in London we get few opportunities to see the kids nowadays.At least neither has emigrated yet.I'll finish today with a video dedicated to son Paul and his fiancee Josephine who are planning to get married next year.