Let The Accolades Commence

I said that I planned to devote my last few weeks here to mentioning those who have helped contribute to Instanta's success over the last twenty years and I would like to start by mentioning local photographer Peter Raymond. Peter has been taking photographs for Instanta for the last five years and many people have commented upon the quality of the shots in our promotional material. Photographing shiny stainless steel boilers is not the simplest thing to do and Peter has been fastidious and a true perfectionist who always strives to achieve the best possible results. Look at any of Peter's photos and you won't find any unsightly reflections, incorrect shadows or smudges anywhere. He is an excellent all round photographer and, as you can see from his business card above, he is not a one trick pony and has far more than just industrial photography in his repertoire. Peter shares my love of The Pogues, The Archers and everything good on Radio 4 and we are on a similar wavelength on the social conscience front.Thanks for your excellent work Peter. I wish you every success for the future and will always look out for your Tweets on Twitter. Follow him @PeteRayUK

I don't know if Peter shares my love of The Apprentice but last night's episode was the best of the season so far. Alex Epstein pictured above with the beautiful but inaptly named Paloma (she's a long way from being a symbol of peace) somehow managed to stay in the show for yet another week despite exhibiting the entrepreneurial nous of a potato and speaking in the best apprentice speak possible (he's a "guru" who will make Lord Sugar billions). Mind you that's probably why he's still there. It is, after all, entertainment.

Which reminds me to remind you not to miss Paul's A League Of Their Own tonight at 10pm on Sky1 and Sky1HD. It's another double billing tonight with Amanda Holden, Kevin Pietersen, Joe Calzaghe and Patrick Kielty. It's bound to be funny although how on earth are they going to top John Bishop in spangly hot pants last week? I'm sure that they'll have a good stab at it.

I got home from work too late for the gym tonight so I'm going to have a go on the Wii fit for an hour. Not sure if I should as it keeps telling me that despite losing almost three stone I am still overweight and should be 11 stone (in which case I would be skin and bones). It also shows my Wii Mi figure as a very rotund fatty and then, to add further insult to injury, tells me that my Wii Age is no less than 73. Wait until I get that new hip, I'll give it 73.

Thought it might be nice to close with a song that Peter might enjoy. I certainly will.

All Change In The Office

When I arrived at Instanta this morning it looked like a bomb had dropped. The place was a mess. We gave Jenny the challenge of reorganising the office by Christmas and she set about the task with her typical energy and efficiency and last night the local office furniture people came round with a load of new desks. It didn't take long for the place to start to take shape and by late morning the office was back up and running. There's still some decorating to be done and I think that a new carpet is on the way but it's starting to look good. We need a new phone system next as, although the VOIP system is very economical, it's not very good and we frequently lose calls or have terrible line quality. I am all for new technology but it's only good when it works properly.

Back up and running in a couple of hours.

If you wacthed "A League Of Their Own" on Sky1 last night you might have caught a glimpse of me and Marion with our son Paul. We were in the audience for the recording and were required at one point to blow vuvuzuelas. We couldn't hear the noise as we had to wear ear plugs but it sounded pretty loud on the show last night. The show was very funny. Watch out for next week when Sky are broadcasting two episodes back to back - 10pm Sky1 and Sky1 HD.

I was too busy to find time to complete the blog yesterday as I was working on the final audited figures for our year end. It's that time when all the final journal entries need to be posted on our computer and balanced to the accountants' figures. Being something of a nerdy pedant I have to get this right to the penny so it takes a lot longer than it should. Anyway I said that I would report back on "The Social Network" which we went to on Wednesday night. The cinema was packed but the vast majority of the audience was under twenty five and we looked like a couple of grandparents gatecrashing the grandchildrens' trip to the pictures. However, the film was certainly not a juvenile one. It told the story of the setting up of Facebook by a couple of Harvard university misfits and the claims and counterclaims that ensued after other students alledged that Mark Zuckerberg (brilliantly portrayed by Jesse Eissenberg ,above left) had stolen their ideas. The film is set in the lawyers' offices where the claims are being heard and comprises a series of flashbacks to 2003 and onwards.Whilst the subject of lawsuits sounds very dry, the film  moves with great pace. All of the cast are strong and Justin Timberlake (centre) puts in a fine performance as Napster creator Sean Parker and Andrew Garfield plays the most sympathetic role as Zuckerberg's co-creator Eduardo Saverin very convincingly.


It's a very good film and well worth going to see. My only difficulties were knowing that the Winklevoss twins were both played by the same actor Arnie Hammer which made me keep looking for the join in the film when they were on screen together and the fact that the film is based on a book by Eduardo Saverin which makes you question the partiality of the storyline. As I said above, Saverin is the most sympathetic character but he wasn't going to depict himself badly was he? A good four stars from us. It's quite fascinating to see that the world's biggest social networking site was set up by a young man with virtually no social skills whatsoever and whose Facebook business card read "I'm CEO Bitch".


I'lle leave you today with one of this week's mosty popular videos on YouTube. Rumour has it that this newscaster was fired for this. If that's true I wonder does anybody in authority have a sense of humour any more? And don't forget, if the video doesn't fit in the screen, double click and it will open in another window.

Welcome Barbara

With the clock ticking down towards our retirement, it's time to make sure that the office continues to be adequately manned and we are delighted to welcome Barbara Banks to Instanta. Barbara will be helping out with the bookkeeping and other office jobs and will be here from 1pm from Tuesday to Friday. Barbara once worked for my old employer Barclays Bank and her banking experience should stand her in good stead to help with our ledgers. Married to Bob and with a grown up son David, Barbara lives in the nearby village of Hesketh Bank. She enjoys going to the gym but I don't thinks she'll be trying out the exercise equipment in the shed at the back of the factory. It hasn't had a lot of use since we installed it and it's pretty cold down there. Anyway welcome Barbara, we all hope that you have an enjoyable time working here at Instanta.

Here's our super new pocket brochure. Printed in house by our parent company, it arrived today hot off the press. Nick calls it a DL but I don't know what DL stands for. Maybe we could offer a prize for the best suggestion. It's all Nick's own work so in the unlikely event that there are any spelling mistakes for once it won't be me that carries the can.I missed a glaring mistake on one output figure in our super main brochure in February. Mind you that mistake was so big I don't think that anybody could possibly take it as correct.

Orange Wednesday tomorrow and this week's choice is "The Social Network". If you aren't familiar with it, it's a film about the birth of Facebook and by all accounts it's a fascinating story about geeky computer students and the legal battles that arose over who actually created the site. I used to be quite active on Facebook but haven't logged on for quite a while now. I wonder if we will be giving it the Facebook thumbs up on Thursday. I'll let you know what we think of it here.

And speaking of Thursday don't forget "A League Of Their Own" on Sky1 at 10pm. See how well you can do by playing the game by clicking on this link.  http://tiny.cc/zl6qm

Another big Sky favourite is "The Simpsons". The show has been all over the internet this week due to an intro to the show baing done by the famous street artist Banksy. Here's a brief news article about it and below that is the intro itself. Unfortunately it seems that every time it goes up on YouTube somebody takes it down so if the video has gone by the time you read this, sorry.

Winter's Bone Has Real Oscar Potential

Our late night trip to the cinema did not disappoint and Winter's Bone proved well worth staying up late for.

Whether the sparse attendance at Vue was vindication of the multiplex chain's decision to give the film just one showing or the result of that showing being scheduled at 10.30pm, there's no denying that those who contributed about thirty quid in total to the cinema's coffers certainly got their money's worth.


A cast of unknowns is led by Jennifer Lawrence (surely an Oscar nominee) as teenage daughter Ree, abandoned by a neer do well father and left to look after two young siblings and her dementia suffering mother. The errant dad has used the family shack and adjoining land as surety for bail and when he goes missing the family is faced with eviction and homelessness. The film charts Ree's attempts to trace her waster father and save her home in the bleak cold of the Ozark mountain region. There's another fine performance from John Hawkes as her drug addicted uncle "Teardrop".Hawkes puts such malice into an off screen warning "I've told you once"...."with my mouth" that you know pretty well that you wouldn't be pushing the point any further.


The cast are, without exception, totally convincing and any viewer would be forgiven for thinking this was somehow for real. The Ozarks' hillbilly inhabitants live in such squalor that trailer park trash would consider themselves royalty and stay at home mums on the higher tax band might think twice about moaning about the potential loss of their child benefits. The film moves with pace and has an excellent country soundtrack (shades of Deliverance) and I can heartily recommend it to anyone who gets the (slim) chance to go and see it. Five stars for me.





Before Winter's Bone we went to see "Buried". This is a highly unusual film set entirely within the confines of a coffin. Paul, an American truck driver working in Iraq (Ryan Reynolds), is the only actor on screen with the rest of the cast appearing in voice only. Paul wakes from concussion to find that his assailants have buried him alive leaving him with just a cigarette lighter for light and a mobile phone through which to channel their ransom demands and instructions. It's not a film for the claustrophobic but it manages to hold your attention throughout the entire ninety or so minutes. I could see this drama working well as a stage play as the audience gets drawn into the shocking reality of the situation. Reynolds plays the character well although he has too much rage for my liking but as a study in cynical corporate personnel relations it will make anyone thinking of a spell working in one of the world's hotspots such as Iraq or Afghanistan think more than twice before signing on the dotted line. Whoever pitched this "It's one man in a coffin for ninety minutes" and managed to sell it, is a genius but his or her genius is rewarded with a very watchable and thought provoking drama.

After weeks when things seemed to be constantly going wrong I finally had a bit of luck yesterday when this fine porcelain bowl purchased on eBay for £9.99 plus p&p turned up. Trawling through eBay for wrongly identified pieces is a little like searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack and for every gem there's a thousand or more items that are either correctly catalogued or over priced. It's a bit like traipsing around a muddy field at a car boot sale where week after week turns up zilch but once a year there's something good. Anyway, this super bowl looks brand new and consequently was not listed as the 250 year old antique that it is. I would feel uncomfortable if the seller were an amateur but as it came from a ceramics specialist I have no such qualms. Ten years ago this might have fetched a four figure sum but collectors of antique porcelain are a dying breed today and its value is now probably less than half of that. None the less a nice find for a change.


I'll finish today with a mention of the new series of son Paul's show "A League Of Their Own". Starring James Corden, Freddie Flintoff, John Bishop, Jamie Redknapp and Georgie Thompson plus guests it airs at 10pm tonight on Sky1. Sky have a great line up this evening with "The Simpsons", "Modern Family" and "An Idiot Abroad" leading into "League". The show has a later slot this time around as some of the humour is pretty adult. We went to two recordings and it's guaranteed to raise a smile. Here's a clip from the last series.

No Room At The (Days) Inn

We went down to Teddington Studios on Wednesday to watch the recording of two episodes of the new season of "A League Of Their Own". We had a great time and enjoyed the shows immensely. Along with the four regulars, the guests were Chris Evans, Dermot O'Leary, Tim Henman and Phillips Idowu and each of them added a very different flavour to the proceedings. It is going to be a very hard job for the editors cutting several hours of footage down to two chunks of thirty minutes or less. Paul took us to the green room after the show but this time Marion was under strict instructions not to ask for her photo with any of the celebs so we left them in peace and I had a chat with James Corden's dad who is a really nice bloke. "What has this to do with today's blog headline?" I hear you ask. Well, as we were unsure of timings and whether we would be taking Paul back to Limehouse we didn't bother booking a motel as I thought that we would be able to choose the most convenient on the way back up north. We started heading towards South Mimms but a quick call informed us that the place was full so a change of direction was in order and it was back through central London and London Gateway on the M1 next. Same story there so on to Luton where the bloke in the service station newsagents told us there was no motel on site only for us to spot one when it was too late and we were back on the slipway and on our way to Milton Keynes.By now it was 1.30 a.m and surely we'd find somewhere to get our heads down there. But no it was the same story. Fortunately the receptionist directed us to somewhere else and at around 2 a.m we finally got to sleep.In future I'll get a confirmed booking before I set off and congratulations to Days Inn, no sign of any recession there.



At the recordings we were extremely impressed with Dermot O'Leary who has real presence and confidence and oozes professionalism and with the always funny John Bishop but I liked Freddie Flintoff best of all. He announced his retirement from cricket the day after the recording which is a pity but he has a very natural way of telling a story, is very self deprecating and naturally funny. It's sad that injury has forced premature retirement but I'm sure that he will have a very long TV career.



Teddington studios back onto a weir behind which are the famous navigational locks. We arrived early and had a walk. I was amazed to see a bright green parakeet in the trees on the river bank and thought that it was an escaped pet. But then we saw another and another and realised that there was a colony of them. I remember reading recently that Ring Necked Parakeets had become naturalised in the south of England but certainly didn't expect to see so many. It was obvious that the locals were used to them as they were given no more attention than the many wood pigeons that shared the tree tops.



The phone started ringing earlier in the week as news broke about a commercial coffee machine exploding in a Sainsburys store in Hampshire. I have been in the business for over twenty years and my family has been involved in producing pressure boilers for most of the past fifty years and this is the first instance of a pressure related accident that I have ever come across. The machine was sold by a reputable Italian firm although I don't know if they still manufacture in Italy or like many have contracted to the Far East. There are tens or maybe hundreds of thousands of expresso machines in use throughout the world and I can't help but think that something highly unusual must have happened to this piece of equipment as most pressure vessels have more than one fail safe device. Our only pressure boilers, the WB2 Supreme models have a safety valve, an operating pressure switch, a safety pressure switch and cut out and taps that would open long before dangerous pressure levels built up so an explosion is well nigh impossible. I am sure that the machine in question would incorporate similar safeguards.I read on the internet that a stuck safety valve was the cause but this alone should not be sufficient and I await the results of the inquest into the cause of the terrible accident.



If all goes well I should hit the target weight at the weekend. I've always wanted to be in one of those slimmer of the year photos, preferably one with a cardboard cut out of the earlier me. Well I haven't got a cardboard cutout so I'll have to make do with that other staple - holding out the waistband of the trousers that once fitted snugly. More on this next week if successful.

A big thank you to Jenny Buckley who, with the help of MCS of Southport (Mainframe Computer Solutions), our very own IT Crowd, has managed to get us back up and running with emails. We've got the internet too after a fashion but it is very slow and I am still trying to get the broadband back up. So thanks again Jenny and Steve and your team. You can't imagine how bad it has been without it - I had no idea what's been happening on YouTube and Twitter for almost a week. We'll soon put that right

Off To Teddington

Marion and I are travelling down to Teddington studios later today to watch the recording of a couple of shows in the forthcoming series of A League Of Their Own. I pinched this photo from Jimmy Carr's Twitter feed. Hope he doesn't mind. We're looking forward to the recordings. Guests include Tim Henman and Chris Evans ( I think) so listen out for us shouting "Come on Tim" when the shows are aired in the autumn. It also gives us an opportunity to see our son Paul who has been heavily involved in the show from the outset. As he lives in London we don't get enough chances to see him and it's a pity that this will be a flying visit as we are back in the office again tomorrow.



And in the office we are still trying to survive without broadband. We have found a new supplier but they can't get us up and running without something called a MAC code from our old supplier who haven't come up with it yet. This one could run and run. Fortunately we have a temporary email server set up but it's expensive and it is not very fast. At least we aren't as cut off from the world as we were last week.



When we get back tomorrow I've got a lot of work to do on the accounts for August. I did the preliminary figures yesterday and they look good. I've just got to complete the VAT return and do some final double checks to finish them off. Then I've got to somehow train someone else here to do the figures when I have retired in a few months time. It's a lot to do but we'll manage- we'll have to.

With no Broadband I have to write this before I get to work. So time has run out now and I'm off. The blogs will have to be short until normal service resumes (unless I start getting up even earlier) by which time I will have probably lost my growing number of readers which will be a pity - mind you when I retire in about ten weeks time the blog will have to retire with me.

Like The Proverbial Bus

Life can be odd can't it? One minute Marion and I are bemoaning the fact that we've got nothing on and the next we get a glut of activity all at once. This is happening in the next few days as, after a period of inertia, our free time has suddenly sprung into life. So much so that we are going against the grain and paying for two cinema tickets tonight instead of taking up the usual Orange Wednesday offer. Yes, after a potter around the gym we are off to see "The Last Exorcism". Will let you know what we think tomorrow.

And on Wednesday it's the local hospital for a check on my hip and back again in the afternoon for Marion's mum's annual check after her successful cancer operation five years ago and then Marion's off out to a charity food evening. Then on Friday we're travelling down to near Haye on Wye to celebrate close friends' wedding anniversary. Back late on Sunday and on Monday off to see Stephen Fry's show being beamed live to FACT in Liverpool and on Wednesday off to Teddington to watch the recording of two episodes of Paul's "A League Of Their Own". And then back to normal and staying in watching the telly.



Which is not always a bad thing as ITV1's "U Be Dead" proved last night.One of those fact is stranger than fiction stories, it told the tale of a successful psychiatrist and his fiancee whose lives were ruined by a stalker. From the text message of the title "U Be Dead" I guessed that the stalker would be a west country type like that archaeologist in "Time Team" or Phil in our stores. But she turned out to be a lunatic Argentinian woman who bombarded the couple with sinister and threatening text messages, cancelled their wedding reception and, when the doctor became involved with another woman, took a used condom from the bin and used the contents to frame him for rape almost wrecking his career - you couldn't make it up. A great couple of hours drama from ITV and, although when you Google the show, photos of David Morrissey and Tara Fitzgerald come up, the true star was Monica Dolan who was chillingly convincing as the stalker Maria Marchese. Well done ITV drama.Five stars.



And speaking of convincing performances, we watched "Couscous" at the weekend. Hasfia Herzi (above) plays Rym, retiree Slimane's girlfriend's daughter. The story tells the tale of Slimane trying to realise his pipe dream of opening a boat restaurant on a quayside in a southern French port - a simple premise but one that is wrapped in a multitude of layers. These layers - family,age,immigration, bureaucracy, retirement, love, infidelity and much more unwrap beautifully before us but rarely do you see as powerful a contribution on screen as that of Herzi who manages to instill her character with such feeling that she makes you feel that you know her. A wonderful film.Look out for it on DVD. Here's a taster.

A Magic (Numbers) Weekend

Just back from London where we had a great weekend centered around a visit to the ITV studios on the South Bank to watch the live transmission of Magic Numbers. People must have heard we were coming as the ratings rose to over 3 million which is hundreds of thousands up on last week (nothing to do with some of the 11 million who watched X Factor staying around to watch the show). It was a fun and very entertaining evening as the studio audience arrived an hour before transmission and enjoyed a very funny warm up man and watching the pre recording of a couple of shots to fit in the opening credits. As soon as we got home Marion played the show back and spotted us at least half a dozen times - another five minutes of fame.

One advantage of having Marion as a partner is that there is never any "where should we go?" when you're on a holiday or a weekend away. And this weekend was no exception as she once again planned our timetable meticulously starting with a meal at the excellent Turkish restaurant Kazan, near Victoria station, staying at the City Inn Westminster (ranked 11 out of over 1,000 London hotels on Trip Advisor and well worth the rating), a trip to see Grace Kelly's dresses at the V&A and ending with a glass of champagne at the world's longest champagne bar in St Pancras station (now that's what you call a station!). Thanks for that M. There's never a wasted moment.

The next telly outing will be to the recording of the new series of A League Of Their Own which is being recorded in Teddington studios in September. We are looking forward to it as we went to two episodes of the last series and it was hilarious. I am pretty sure that Sky will have some more top guests for the new season.



The last series made a lot of jokes about John Terry and his alleged dalliance with Vanessa Perroncel. However, the Observer ran a lengthy interview with Ms Perroncel yesterday for which she received no fee. She maintains that she is innocent of being involved in any affair and is so determined and insistent on this point that, instead of cashing in on a very valuable potential kiss and tell, she is suing for libel those who ran the stories about her. You can read the excellent article by Polly Vernon here.

Having got over the disappointment at the Guardian's failure to run the weekly Pick The Score league, I today heard about and joined a new football site. Fantasy f***wit.com is a fantasy league in which one aims to pick a team full of footballing f***wits. Points are scored by players on losing teams and keepers who let in plenty of goals but there is the added bonus of more points for getting into the tabloids with a lurid story such as Crouchy's recent night out in Spain. I've picked Ashley Cole as one of my eleven. He has to be a high scorer in the f***wit stakes. Any ideas for more? I am allowed two transfers a week.

I'll close today with Alexandra Burke's fabulous Magic Numbers performance. Look carefully and you will see Marion bopping away and me er shuffling around.

Congratulations Lee & Emma

Congratulations to assembly worker Lee Moore and his partner Emma. They are now proud parents of baby Ellen who was born yesterday morning. Ellen weighed in at just under seven pounds and she and her mum are both doing well. I look forward to getting a photo to put on the blog when Lee gets back to work from his paternity leave.



Yesterday evening at the gym I had a surreal experience. I was sitting on an exercise bike (the only apparatus that I can use at the moment) setting the controls when suddenly I looked up and a woman was standing right in front of me her face a few inches from mine. I jumped in surprise. She was massively overweight (20stone plus) and she had a neat goatee beard. "I'm an ugly sod aren't I?" she said. To which there was only one honest answer but, before I had chance to utter it, she went on to add that the DHSS were paying £1,100 for her to have her beard removed. Why I was brought into this confidence I have no idea but it was a very strange moment. Fortunately, as I was lost for words and the conversation was all going one way, she left and went on to repeat her story in a very loud voice to the lady on a nearby treadmill. I felt sorry for her but if she had appeared as a character in "Little Britain" Lucas and Walliams would be accused of being over the top.



Sad to read the news that Freddie Flintoff's recovery from his knee injury is not going to plan and the chances are that he won't be able to play again for at least another four months (if ever). Oh well that might mean that he is available as team captain again for the new series of Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" which was announced yesterday. Having seen Freddie's memorable rendition of "Suspicious Minds" at the recording of an episode of the last series, it would be great to see him back. There's a big article about Freddie in today's Guardian (click here) in which, amongst the list of alternative money making opportunities available to him, the bizarre possibility of him wrestling in the USA's WWE or similar is suggested.



This year's football close season has been a disaster on the betting front. Last year my son gave me a lot of help in betting on Big Brother and I ended up a winner as the footie season kicked off again. But this year's betting has gone pear shaped. The tactic was to pick an outsider who might grow in popularity and lay the bets in the last couple of weeks of the show. Paul suggested Caohomine might fit the bill. The plan was running well and I put steady bets on her until I stood to win thousands if she won but then, just as her popularity was on the rise, she walked out before I had chance to lay the bets so I am left with a best case of a £500 win (with an extremely unlikely housemate)and a worst case of a £190 loss on some of the more likely ones. Fortunately the potential loss on the favourite is under £55 so I may not have had my fingers burned as much as I thought. The dilemma now is whether to bet against her (Corin) and guarantee a loss of no more than £100 or to stick with her. I've got two weeks to decide. As I haven't seen the programme I suppose it was all a bit of a er (is "gamble" the right word?)betting on the show.


Twiddling my thumbs a bit a the moment. I am all psyched up to get cracking on our new computer system. It's in Australia but I can't log on to it yet. I'll have to pass my time somehow. How about a trip to the local lake in all this glorious balmy sunshine?

I'll Hang Up My Tipster Hat

In my last blog I said that our money was on the dog to win Britain's Got Talent but as soon as Tina and Chandi started to perform on Saturday it was obvious that they would not be taking home the £100,000 prize. They just didn't have the same appeal and the routine was much worse than their semi final performance which led me to my tip. Fortunately I also had a bet on Spellbound which won me a princely £31.50 and, equally fortunately, the impressionist, on whom I had £150 liability, did not win. It's fun watching these live shows with the laptop logged onto Betfair. Throughout the programme on Saturday the odds on the singing Grannie from Scotland were shortening as piles of money backed her and she fell to under 5-1 leading me to wonder if someone knew that her act was going to be a show stopper. Fortunately I didn't fall for the trap of leaping onto the bandwagon as, before she stopped singing, her odds had fallen to 100-1.





I had a rare day off work yesterday and went up to Yorkshire with my brother for a spot of metal detecting. We had researched a new site and were delighted to be given permission by our friendly farmer to search it. We climbed an enormous hill (no fun when you need a hip replacement) to get to the field only to find it full of cows. Metal detecting in a field full of cows is no fun so we had to revert to plan b and search fields that we have gone over time and again in the past. But it goes to show that you can never empty a field completely and I found a Girl Guide Badge, an 18th Century livery button, an interesting and probably Victorian decorated fitting (probably for a book) and this copper alloy lion. I have no idea what the lion used to adorn but he was once gilded and will have looked quite impressive. I guess that he is from the 19th century but would love to know what he was used for. Any ideas?



Three weeks into the diet tomorrow and tonight is a highlight as we are having spaghetti bolognese. From this, my first experience of dieting, it seems that diets are really a matter of self discipline.It is so tempting to add another 5 grammes when you weigh out your 25 grammes of nuts or raisins but no, back into the packet they go. Last night's evening meal of one fishcake and some salad leaves left us a bit hungry for the first time but it's still so far so good and we are both losing some weight.



Here at Instanta, I have carried on with the task of helping Nick to vet the applications that have been flooding in via www.jobsite.co.uk for the position of our new Southern Area Sales Manager. Applications have exceeded a hundred now and, whilst it is not very green, we have printed every one out in full so that we can give them proper consideration. The standard looks to be high although I am leaning towards those who have actually checked out Instanta and decided that they want to work for us rather than those who appear to have sent off their CV without tailoring it to us. We have written to all those we have rejected as there is nothing worse than not knowing and we have asked about thirty more to tell us why they really want this particular job. Some applications are very good but let themselves down with poor English (incite instead of insight was a classic and a letter with I as i from start to finish)but I am not going to reject these as we are looking for a sales person not an English teacher.

I got my Liverpool Season Ticket renewal this morning. They are offering an incredible £52 discount for renewing online. Not sure that it costs them £52 to process an application over the phone but I will be happy to take whatever they offer. Speaking of football, World Cup fever is officially upon us. Now I like James Corden who did a good job of hosting Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" but I'm not sure about the lyrics to his new World Cup song which include the yobbish "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough". What do you think?

I've Ordered The Canary

After four days in solitary I have taken to answering the phone "Good Afternoon Alcatraz" so it only seems sensible to follow the famous bird man's lead and get a little feathered friend for company. The only positive so far is that I can hear the radio. The negative is that I can also hear the lads in the factory singing along to it. It's a bit like having the Seven Dwarfs out there. I'm expecting Snow White to turn up any minute. Hi Ho.



But nobody can accuse me of being lazy. Over the last twenty four hours I have labelled over two thousand envelopes for a mail shot and then put a newsletter in each and sealed them all. At least Phil was kind enough to frank them for me. There again the franking machine is in an area with people in it so Phil was probably just making sure I remained in Purdah. At least I've got the Internet which is a bit more interesting than a canary. I mean there's only so much that you can do with a canary and I imagine that after a week of its incessant cheerful chirruping, frying it would be the top option.



I hear that Clegg won the debate on the telly last night. I didn't watch it as I was busy watching Paul's show. I phoned him up to tell him how good it was and he told me that he was watching the political debate and watched his show on Sky Plus later. It's just not the same son. You don't get the same atmosphere when you watch a recorded version. I did like Jimmy Carr on last night's show. He really is a brilliant comedian. I watched Charlie Brooker's "You Have Been Watching" later.



He reviewed "Spartacus Blood And Sand" which is coming to your screens on Bravo soon. It appears that the title understates the content somewhat with the scenes that Charlie showed containing a lot more than just blood and sand and a lot more of Spartacus than you would normally expect to see on TV unless you subscribe to the adult channels. I think I will be giving this one a miss. Oh well it's almost four thirty now. That means just one thing a bit of freedom.We've got a bloke coming to sing for us here's a preview. Back in the cell Monday.

The Big TV Event Of The Year

I refer of course to show six of A League Of Their Own on Sky1 and Sky1 HD tonight at 9pm. The series is delicately balanced with Freddie Flintoff's team just ahead at the moment but I'm expecting a late sprint from Jamie Redknapp and John Bishop. Tonight Jimmy Carr and Karen Pickering join the teams and it promises to be a lot of fun. Son Paul, who devised this show, has been very unlucky with Liverpool's run in the Europa League taking away the target Thursday audience. But surely they'll be back in their droves tonight when the competition is....



Three blokes in suits, I'm feeling sleepy already. It must be great being the Lib Dem candidate. You can promise whatever you want in the comfort of knowing that there is no way that you are going to have a majority and will never have to do what you suggested. I'm surprised that they haven't included something really outrageous in their manifesto like two weeks in Benidorm for all pensioners instead of the fuel payment, increasing the speed limit to 100mph on motorways and abolishing tax on fuel and booze. Cast iron vote winners all.



And speaking of Benidorm, we've been invited to go and visit family out there when we retire. I'm looking forward to it so much. It will be nice to experience the relaxation of a cup of coffee in the cool shade in the knowledge that work is over. Until then we'll just have to dream.



We managed to catch Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchants' directorial film debut "Cemetery Junction " last night before it is savaged by the critics. I'm pretty certain that it will be described as predictable and sentimental but we loved it. OK so it does use stereotypes but so what! As the film's young heroes are settling into their working lives in 1973 (exactly when I was 19 and putting on a suit and heading for Barclays), the film was pure nostalgia for me and for Marion and I think that Gervais and Merchant captured the era beautifully. The rose tinted slightly washed out technicolour filming added to the sense of time and I loved the Black Tie Insurance dinner that played an important part in the plot.The spirit of this was captured perfectly (cue CEDA do next week).The racism and anti-feminism of the time was spot on and the soundtrack a perfect wallow in the sounds of the seventies. A very attractive cast of unknowns play the main roles and there are a few good jokes too. "Why does Noddy wear a hat with bells on?".I'm sure that the film will be panned by the critics but those of a certain age will definitely enjoy it.

And speaking of jokes. Who said that the Germans don't have a sense of humour?