Congratulations to the Glasgow Polis

You've got to hand it to those wonderful police in Scotland. Someone had the bright idea to trawl through Bebo and Facebook for kids posing with offensive weapons. And guess what? They found hundreds. And what's more they arrested loads of them. And even better, they confiscated tons of knives and guns. Brilliant! So what do they do next? Privately notify all the other police forces in the country of their methods so that hundreds, nay thousands, more weapons are found, the owners arrested and the country a safer place? Of course not. They issue a press release telling the world how brilliant they are. Result? Thousands of Bebo and Facebook profile photos removed overnight. The Police. The unintelligence service.



I had a bit of good news this morning. A recent survey has revealed that the safest job in a recession is teaching. So, being a Maths teacher, our lovely daughter Sarah (above with boyfriend Duncan)is in luck. The least safe job in a recession? Manufacturing. Got any spare rooms love?

Sarah teaches teenagers and I was interested to hear the news this morning that loads of teenagers drink. Blimey it must have taken some serious research to find that out. The researchers also discovered that the Pope is Catholic and bears crap in the woods. But it seems that teenage drinking is now a big problem and that alcohol is addling teenage brains. This should prepare them for a career in the Glasgow police.




There's a National Strike in France today. You've got to admire the French. There's no pussy footing around with them. Their economy is not in anything like the mess that we are in and they are all out. I was forecasting civil unrest here months ago but at the moment we all seem to be letting the daily tally of redundancies wash over our heads without so much of a "flipping heck". As I write this, the morning's total has reached three hundred and it's not even 12 noon. Isn't it time that somebody started a movement? A latter day Jarrow march on Downing Street would be interesting. Or perhaps a Southport march. There are so many closed shops, our redundant shop assistants could start it.



Another baffling team selection from Rafa last night has cost us Liverpool fans dearly. As I mentioned once before on the blog, Lucas Leiva has to be the worst player to don the red shirt for years. As soon as his name is announced on the team sheet the crowd audibly sigh and yet he was picked last night in the game against Wigan and went on to give away a late penalty that cost us two points.If mere mortals like myself and another 40,000 fans can tell that Lucas is not good enough, how can a professional manager not see it?

Oh well. Football is full of people making bad decisions. Look no further than the linesman who ruled the goal 4 mins 20 secs into this video offside.

The Moral Maze And The Honesty Of Craig (And Jenny)

As I said on yesterday's blog, we enjoy nothing more in this office than a good old debate on the issues of the day. Topics range from X Factor through to Barack Obama and yesterday we hit on the subject of honesty. Craig (above) told us how he and Jenny went for a meal at a very nice restaurant at the weekend. When the bill arrived, Craig paid £30 of it with some gift vouchers that he had been given as a present. The waitress took the balancing cash but left the vouchers on the table. As Craig and Jenny left the restaurant they reminded the waitress of the vouchers and were seen out of the premises by an extremely relieved and grateful young lady. Not much of a story I know. You would have all done the same of course. But that's how yesterday's debate arose. When Craig related his tale a majority of the office staff here said that they would have kept the vouchers.

This sort of argument has arisen here on a number of occasions and debates have stemmed from all of the following:-

You open your car door in a supermarket car park and put a dent into the adjacent car. Do you a) Leave a note with all your details on the damaged car windscreen? or b) Drive off and park as far away as possible?

The local cash machine is dispensing twenty pound notes instead of ten pound notes. Do you a) Phone the police and notify them of the problem in the meantime telling other customers the machine is out of order? or b)get in the queue and phone all your mates to get down as soon as possible with all the cards they've got?

The restaurant forgets to charge your for the wine you had. Do you a) notify the waiter of his mistake? or b) pay the bill and walk away smiling?

If you answered all a)then you are probably Craig, Jenny or Phil here at Instanta but if you answered all b)then I won't name any names but you know who you are.

I don't want to sound like a pontificating old fart but when we get to the stage where the majority answers b) we are getting towards the time when in Thatcher's words there really is " No such thing as society". I honestly believe that the best philosophy in life is "Do as you would be done by". When a situation arises put yourself into the position of the person who has been wronged and ask yourself what you would like to happen. If you stick with this I think you will find that in the long run you will benefit. Imagine this apocryphal headline.

WAITRESS RAPED IN ALLEY

Police were searching today for a vicious rapist who left a young woman badly beaten in a dark alley. Instead of taking her usual taxi home after working late, the victim (26) had walked home from her job as a waitress in a local restaurant after being fined £30 by her employer due to forgetting to collect £30 of gift vouchers from a customer.

OK it may be an unlikely consequence but every action has a consequence. If we all start thinking of the consequences maybe things will get better for us all.



I just got the quarterly statistics from CESA. Many of the members of our trade association (Catering Suppliers)report their quarterly turnover figures to an independent collator who produces a report.Nobody knows anybody else's figures but we all get a picture of the industry whole. Having looked at these stats, I can only remark "bloody hell!!!!" and would just ask if the last catering manufacturer in the country would please switch off the lights.



It's Wednesday and that can only mean one thing "Orange Wednesday" and half price at the local cinema. This week it's Frost/Nixon. Not too sure about this one but don't fancy any of the others. We might struggle next week as, after being spoiled for choice for a few weeks, the releases of critically acclaimed films seem to be starting to dry up. Mind you we've still got "Doubt" "Benjamin Button" and a few more due in the near future.

Finally on a very sad note, it is three months to the day since 13 year old Ayesha Ibrahim Duhulow was stoned to death for the crime of adultery after being raped. This monstrosity has gone unpunished. When is the world going to take a stand against the oppression of women in the name of Islam? The Taliban is now destroying girls' schools in Northern Pakistan. Instead of becoming doctors and teachers these poor girls can now look forward to a life of subservience to a load of stupid idealistic morons. Thank God I'm an atheist.

It's Less Stressful Than Credit Control

Poor Lauren has been finding her role in credit control far too stressful recently so we've given her a few days of more therapeutic work. Although it looks like she is practicing her pole dancing in the photo, she is busy decorating our board room and a very good job she is doing. At least with skills like that Lauren will survive the credit crunch or recession or whatever it's being called this week.



I loved the news yesterday that you can catch obesity like you can catch a common cold. Will we all start shunning fat people? Don't come near me I'll catch obesity. It's going to be murder for anyone going to Florida. Mind you it's going to be great as an excuse isn't it? As you tuck into your Big Mac and super size fries with extra large Coke you will know that, as your weight balloons, it simply ain't your fault you just caught it off a fat geezer on the bus. I wonder who I caught it off? Must have been someone we were with at Christmas as I somehow put a stone on and it simply won't go.



Did you hear about the octuplets in LA? Wow that is a hell of a lot of babies! Six boys and two girls were delivered by Cesarean and all have survived. What amused me was that the doctors were only expecting seven. It would have been bad news for the eighth if they started stitching the mum up after they had delivered the expected number. Just imagine the baby's horror. It would be a bit like being buried alive.He or she must have been hiding in all the scans and will probably grow up totally photo shy.



Here's Harry who is not exactly photo shy. We love nothing better than a good political debate here in the office so this week (Ok we're a bit behind here being so busy with orders and all that)we've been debating Harrygate and his reference to one of his colleagues as his "Paki" friend. On this debate the score here is actually in Harry's favour but this is my blog so the official Instanta view is "Oi Harry No! Your little friend is a Pakistani". Good to see Instanta operating a fair and free vote and then ignoring the result. A bit like Zimbabwe. There's a comment option at the bottom of this blog. Your views would be welcome.



I also read yesterday that there was an auction of Kray's memorabilia. I really don't understand the glamour that is attached to a couple of ruthless thugs and murderers. Included in the sale were some old M&S shoes. I don't know how much they sold for but let's face it even if these weren't just shoes they were M&S shoes, they were just a pair of second hand shoes. Is someone going to put them on display in their lounge with all their other prized possesions? Lets' hope that Ronnie & Reggie didn't have sweaty feet or maybe if you were mug enough to buy them, let's hope that they did.Here's the only pair of shoes that I think would make a good investment.

eBay Revisited. A Moderate Success

Having put a tentative toe back into the water of eBay selling a week or two ago I have been moderately pleased with the results. I sold seven items in total and all seven went for a profit although after eBay fees and PAYPAL charges it will be close to break even on three of them. The profit for the week was £131 and I suppose that for a hobby that's not too bad but after tax that will be less than eighty quid so I won't be investing too many hours in it. I've got another twenty six items to sell at the moment so that will be keep me busy for a couple of months.Although I will keep looking at antique fairs and auctions I will really have to keep my hands firmly in my pockets until I find something that is exceptionally good value. In the good old days when eBay was in its infancy some of the successes were spectcular but it has been a few years since I last found a "sleeper".

If eBay is possibly not a surefire way of making a few bob for fun, Betfair is definitely not. Having played around on Celebrity Big Brother for three weeks I managed to win £40 on Ulrika but then lost most of it on West Brom failing to beat Burnley. Having got my account up to £1,200 at New Year I chickened out of putting it all on Liverpool for the Premier League and drew £1,000 out and am now starting again almost from scratch. Most of the fund is now on Celebrity Dancing on Ice where I will lose on the two favourites Ray and Jessica but win on all the others. As for Liverpool for the league? I win £200 if they win it and lose zero if they don't. Having been to see the derby game last Monday night I couldn't whip up the enthusiasm to go again yesterday and a friend used the tickets. Let's hope that there's something to shout about next Sunday against Chelsea.



The lads in the factory are having a holiday this week so we are going to take advantage of that and put all the boardroom furniture in the factory and get the boardroom decorated. Lauren has volunteered to do this as she tells us that she is a great painter and decorator. We will put a photo on the blog later in the week to show that she is as good as she says. We're off to B & Q later to get some brushes, paint and Polyfilla.



By way of word association Polyfilla got me thinking (obviously) about parrots. The Observer gave away a booklet about the 50 top British garden birds yesterday and I was amazed to see that the parakeet is numbered amongst them. Apparently there are now thousands in the South East. Now if that's not proof of global warning, what is? Just think we could all train our own parrots. But how long would it take to train a parrot like this truly superstar bird?



Oh well, off to B& Q now.

D&G Hit 21

But that was in their past. They've calmed down a bit now and today our own terrible twins are celebrating their 29th Birthdays.



Yes D&G are 29 but the only quilted trousers they would rip off would be ones worn by their respective girlfriends (Google D&G quilted trousers if I've lost you). That's welder Daz (above right) and sheet metal worker Gaz Rodwell (left). Darren has been at Instanta for 12 years and twin Gary joined us last summer. They are very close and share many interests with supporting Blackpool FC taking up a lot of their time. Daz is a keen fisherman and has landed some huge carp. He also talks a lot of carp when he has had a few drinks. Brother Gaz is now engaged and it probably won't be long before he flies the family nest leaving Daz with the top bunk at last after all these years. Darren is a keen pool player and both are excellent footballers. The twins make up a great strike partnership in our Tuesday night kick abouts.We hope they have a fabulous birthday and weekend. We've given everyone the week off to recover.



Today sees the most excitement in Southport since the opening of the Lawnmower Museum. Stevie G will be appearing at Southport Magistrates' Court and no doubt Tesco garage opposite will run out of sandwiches again as the world's press gather on Lord St for a glimpse of the superstar, local legend Marcus McGee who emulated Stephen by going down at the slightest touch. Sadly there was no ref to give Marcus a penalty so Gerrard's mates gave him a couple of free kicks.I had a quick look outside the court on the way to work this morning and the household across the road have made a few bob with no less than three outside broadcast satellite vans parked on their driveway including a bloke perched on a crane with a camera 100 feet in the air.There was a huge crowd even at 8.45 am. Unfortunately the press will probably depart immediately after Steve's case so we won't be hearing on the ten o'clock news about all the other fights, traffic offences and petty thieving that comprises a typical Southport Magistrates' Session. No doubt our local journo par excellence Katie Grant will get a front row seat and give us all the real story in next week's Visiter (yes we know it's the wrong spelling).



Here at Instanta we're welcoming Brian Derbyshire from Datafile Software today. Brian is carrying out some much needed training on the hugely versatile software package that we strongly recommend so the office is going to be a bit under strength. Sorry if the phones ring for a little longer than usual. Keen horseman Brian recently underwent hip replacement surgery so will be out of the saddle for some time but I'm sure he will whip up a lot of interest with today's training. I hope he appreciates that we have all given up the opportunity to stand behind the presenters outside the court and wave at the cameras to be at this session.



Tomorrow our super son Paul (above with his lovely fiance Josephine) will be 26. It hardly seems five minutes since he was born and now he's all grown up. Ever since he was tiny, he's loved TV and we're so pleased that he has been able to follow that passion with a career in TV development. We've had the champagne on ice for the launch of Paul's baby, Chris Tarrant's new show The Colour of Money for months now and it seems that it is now scheduled for launch in the spring. If you read this, have a wonderful birthday son XX.

Tomorrow we will be entertaining some very close friends for lunch. Marion has devised a super menu and I am really looking forward to it. Especially the fruit

Good News

Today I think it is high time that we all forget the credit crunch and recession and concentrate on all the good things going on in the world.

So I have been trawling the net to find those little snippets of positivity hidden away in the oceans of negativity.I even managed to find some good news hidden in yesterday's unemployment figures.



Jobcentre are creating hundreds of new jobs.

Meanwhile in the USA a high school basketball team were behind in the last second of their match and this happened.



Here at Instanta we've got a full order book. We've been using it for two years now. It's full. Better get a new one from the stationery company.



Our lottery syndicate won £10 in last week's lottery. Our lottery syndicate spent £22 on last week's lottery.



My super little Poole vase sold for £95 on eBay. A profit at last. All £30 of it.



Northern Rock staff are getting an average of two grand each for reducing the bank's borrowing. Congratulations. Well done. That must have been really difficult. "Can I have a mortgage?". "No! Next please".



With 25 of them, I now have five times as many friends on facebook as I have in real life.



Missing schoolgirl Laura has been traced. That's great news. Before we get too worked up about the bloke she went off with (who may well be a total bastard) we must remember that at 15 Laura is above the age of consent in the vast majority of European countries.



We only paid £4.20 for two of us to see Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" last night. What with Orange Wednesday, gym membership and cinema special offers we may soon get to the stage where they pay us to go. It's a wonderful performance from Rourke but unless you are into extreme wrestling and ,perhaps, lap dancing I wouldn't rush to see it.

I'll be reporting more good news tomorrow with a twin birthday here at Instanta but will sign off today with a little film for all you drive thru restaurant lovers

Can He Fix It?

We all want the answer to be "Yes he can" but aren't we all asking and expecting way too much of one man? The USA and its economy is currently in a worse state than Lazarus so Barack is going to have to use Messianic powers to instigate a recovery and it won't be as simple as "Pick up your bed and walk". Good luck Obama. Everyone at Instanta is rooting for you but I can't help thinking you've picked up the most poisoned chalice in world history.



Or maybe the most poisoned chalice in world history will be the one that is passed on by this idiot. Sorry for my intemperate words but Gordon Brown has to be responsible for the state we find ourselves in today. The lunatic ruination of the banking system apart, the loopholes created by Brown by way of "pre-packaged administration" is beyond a joke. Administration is seen by the Government as a method of saving jobs but, as demonstrated perfectly by Julian O'Halloran on radio 4's "File on 4" last night, whilst it may well save jobs in the bankrupt firm, nobody gives a thought to the unsecured creditors. As I write, an order has just arrived from a new company with a name very similar to and the same address as another that went into administration a couple of weeks ago owing us over £2,000. In this case we may well recover that £2,000 purely by virtue of the fact that we sent Peter Brindle 150 miles to the company within ten minutes of hearing about the problem and he managed to trace our goods on the back of a van. An hour or two later and we would have lost it. Anyway, I know nothing about the new company and they may be perfectly legit but I really don't see how a new company can be up and running within four weeks unless there has been some planning in advance. OK jobs have been saved there but what about the companies that were owed millions by the old one? How many jobs have they lost?

And it's not just small businesses that are guilty of this ruse.For more comment on the above check out the details of the USC deal from the BBC website

here.

On a lighter note, it's good to welcome Mariusz back to work after his severe beating last week. His injuries have started to heal but I am sure that it will take a long time for the psychological scars to wear off. On a positive note Mariusz doesn't think that the attack was racially motivated. I hope he's right.

And so to Vue to pick up tickets for "The Wrestler" tonight. Looking forward to it although no meal out this week as part of Marion's economy drive. Mind you she is dangling the carrot of a really good restaurant in a few weeks if we go without for a couple of weeks. Plenty of good films due "Frost Nixon" "Revolutionary Road" to name but two. So Wednesdays should be sorted for some time. By some strange quirk I had a review of the exceptional book "Revolutionary Road" published in the Oxford Student newspaper a few years ago. No I was not an student. It's a long story.

Speaking of films,I was fascinated to see that the cottage which became "Crow Crag" in "Withnail & I" is coming up for auction. It's a bit run down but wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to drive up the M6 on a Friday night to escape the credit crunch in a hedonistic blur of dope and alcohol with a couple of carrier bags for shoes. If you haven't seen it, here's a taste.If you have, have another.

BOG OF

No I'm not being rude, BOG OF is short in retail circles for those "Buy One Get One Free" offers and it's a quite successful method of promotion. But if you saw a BOG OF in a supermarket you wouldn't go to the check out and say "I'll just have the free one thanks" would you? Of course not and yet we are currently in an amicable dispute with a customer in respect of our December blog special offer. The one day only deal was, buy a boiler today for delivery in December and we will hold 2008 prices until 1st March. A customer ordered a boiler on the day for delivery in February and claimed the offer. We rejected the claim as invalid but the customer thinks we were in the wrong. The idea of the promotion was to generate sales in a quiet month and it was quite straightforward to all the others who took it up. As we like the customer we aren't going to say "Bog Off" but we are going to say an extremely polite "No".

At Anfield last night it was not as bad as expected. We witnessed police in riot gear charging down an alley near the kop, batons drawn and screaming at the tops of their voices but didn't see the cause of their charge as they disappeared around a corner out of sight. No doubt they had heard someone had arrived with the bacon butties. Inside the ground it took a full 6 minutes 32 seconds before the Elephant Man chant was aired and, with no sending off, it was, all in all, an uneventful evening. Judging from the jubilation that met the final whistle at the away end and chants of "United Top Of The League" it seems that some people are very easily pleased.



We are making great progress in the development of the sous vide equipment and we should be preparing the promotional literature in February and launching around Easter.



Orange Wednesday again tomorrow and this week we're off to see Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler". My mum bought us a gift voucher for Vue Cinemas for Christmas and if we keep using the special Wednesday offers it might last us all year.Thanks Mum. Marion is still heavily into economising due to the recession and, instead of a trip to Chiquito this week we'll probably be smuggling tuna and sweetcorn rolls into the cinema. Mind you, at cinema prices you can't really blame her. Although they can't beat Liverpool FC where last night we were charged £1 for a Kit Kat (45p in the Asian newsagents down the road). And they wonder why nobody turns up until five minutes before kick off.

Nick & Peter have gone down to the NEC today for the Hospitality show and a CEDA networking lunch. I will be interested to hear how they find things. The level of attendance at the show should give a good indication of the current climate and no doubt the networking lunch will be interesting although I would take all rumour about competitors with a very large pinch of salt.

Finally there is more and more talk of the Government increasing money supply as a way out of the current financial meltdown.If they have got five minutes and fourteen seconds I strongly recommend that they take a look at this simple but extremely good explanation of what happened when someone tried this once before, before doing so.This is not a joke.

Ahh Those Loveable Scousers

And so to Anfield tonight for the annual love-in that is the Liverpool v Everton derby match. This is when forty odd thousand scousers gather together and hurl abuse at just about anyone that comes into their line of vision. One set of supporters will wittily refer to one of the opposing players who was badly disfigured in an accident as "the Elephant Man" whilst the other set will regale us with hilarious ditties about the parentage of one star's youngest child. My sides are aching just thinking about it.Golly what fun there is in store! I am sure that the japes in the crowd will be matched by the players, one of whom will inevitably end up getting himself sent off. And to think I have paid £70 for the pleasure of all this. You've got to hand it to the fans haven't you? They really are a lovable bunch of scallies.



Had a very pleasant weekend. The weather was sunny enough for me and Marion to go for a couple of walks around town and the suburbs. But even the sun shining brightly could not lift the gloom of the rows of empty shops and buildings that is now Lord St. I don't want to sound like a doom monger droning on constantly about the demise of the town but the recession is ripping the heart out of the centre and, if the downward spiral continues it will soon reach a point of no return. It doesn't help that people have to pay to park (even on Sunday) and that on-street parking is restricted to two hours. There's no charge to park at the Trafford Centre (mind you they should pay you to go there). My solution to save Southport would be to create free town centre parking, compact the shopping centre by offering grants to encourage the few remaining shops and businesses on the extremities of Lord St to relocate to the centre and then shorten the street by either converting the empty units to housing or, more drastically, knocking them down to create parks or parking. It's all pie in the sky I know but who wants a beautiful wide boulevard of Victorian architecture but boarded up premises?

I started betting on Dancing on Ice but there is very little interest in the show amongst the bettors on Betfair so at the moment I can't get anybody to take the bets that I have laid. Perhaps more will have a punt as the show progresses but, having watched it on Sunday, I can't see a huge audience.

Marion is avidly reading the Bridisco Administrators' report. It says that there is nothing for the unsecured creditors but, when arriving at these figures, it values two properties at £11.5m but in a footnote mentions a figure of up to £20.5m. That's a cool £9m difference and, if that was the sum realised, there would then be £9m for the unsecured creditors and a dividend of about 30p in the pound. Of course that's before any administrators' expenses so maybe 1p in the pound and another couple of million for the accountants.



Read in the papers at the weekend that you can now be fined over a thousand quid in India for being in possession of a plastic bag! Now I really applaud all green initiatives but that's a bit steep isn't it? Wouldn't be much fun if you were a plastic bag manufacturer. That's your business and livelihood gone overnight. Mind you looking at the photo, the Indian government has got a point.

When we were out walking on Saturday we passed a bus shelter with one of those new government Change 4 Life ads. The message was "Couldn't you walk?" Now that's fair enough but I would be a bit unhappy if I ran the bus company. OK I can understand the "smoking kills" messages on fag packets but plastering bus shelters with ads that effectively say "Don't get the bus" is a bit mean on Arriva.

And finally talking of buses I see that a driver refused to drive the atheist bus last week and instead of getting the sack was told that he could drive another bus in future. That's a bit of a dangerous precedent. Maybe a driver doesn't like "Oliver". Can he change to a bus advertsing "The Sound of Music"? or "Cats"?. All the ad said was "There may not be a God" and we all know the opposite to that. So what's the problem?

Here's a bit of humour from MOTD2

Should Kaka Sign For Ernst & Young?

We just got a progress report from administrators Ernst & Young on Bridisco Ltd (In Administration) who went under owing us £18,435. As unsecured creditors we aren't going to get anything back. Tucked away in Appendix C is an analysis of the Administrators' time costs. I've been playing "guess how much so far" with everyone in the office and I have to say that all of their guesses fell miserably short. I'm not going to give you £10,000, I'm not going to give you £100,000, I'm not even going to give you half a million pounds. No.The sum accrued by the accountants in this debacle whilst we and the £30,000,000 worth of other creditors who will get nothing, wonder how we are going to make up our losses, is a mere £1,039,860.00. Yes over a million pounds for a couple of months' work at an average hourly rate of, wait for it, £309.35. So Kaka. Think long and hard before you sign on the dotted line and consider the thrills and excitement of becoming an insolvency practitioner instead. There's likely to be plenty of work about. Sending a flier to all the other poor creditors would be a good start.

Christ! That reminds me.Big Al from Moore Stephens is still ensconced in the boardroom doing our audit. If he's charging £309.35 an hour we're in big trouble.



Here's Jason Poland our second in charge in our assembly department. Jason will be celebrating his 38th birthday tomorrow and we would like to wish him a very happy day. Jason, who has been with us for almost ten years, is very much the quiet man of Instanta. He gets on with the job quietly, extremely quickly and very efficiently. In our employee records of absence and lateness, Jason has no entries in the last 9 years - a record that is unlikely to be beaten. He enjoys playing pool in his spare time and plays for local pub The Zetland. Together with his wife Jude, Jason enjoys travel and has visited a couple of the world's wonders including the pyramids and Niagara falls.At only 38 he's got plenty of time to visit the rest. Have a great day Jason.

I was interested to read in today's local paper the "Southport Visiter" (yes it is spelt wrong), a piece about all the empty shops in Southport at the moment. This echoes what I said here a few days ago. It really is quite a worry for us Southport locals. The town has had some wonderful development over the last few years including our superb new bridge, a fabulous conference centre and a top rate town centre hotel. But this great new infastructure will mean absolutely nothing if the shopping heart of the town is allowed to die. Can't think of any solution but if nothing is done soon this will be the outome.

Slumdog Millionaire. Totally Implausible. Completely Contrived.

Absolutely bloody brilliant.Ok so you can pick a million holes in the plot but it would be churlish to do so as Danny Boyles' masterpiece (which we went to see last night) is such a wonderful film that it simply begs you to put credibility to one side and just wallow in a feast of colour, humour, thrills and action interwoven with a classic love story. This is the first must see movie of 2009 and it will be a very hard act to follow.



Anil Kapoor perfect as the sleazy quiz master

So last night was a great night. It would be good to tell you that we got 100% off the meal at Chiquito but no, as expected, it was 25% but I'm not complaining (thanks for the voucher Nat). The waitress told us that she has only had a couple of 100% vouchers over the last few months and one of them had only spent twenty quid! As I've said on the blog before, we can't fault Chiquto as a chain restaurant. The food is good (portions a bit too large), the service is quick and friendly and the prices are reasonable. Compared to Bella Italia last week, I would go for Chiquito every time.



It seems that the credit crunch is hitting in far distant lands. We pride ourselves on manufacturing everything here in England but some of our components are, of necessity, sourced overseas. Our supplier of rubber buttons is based in the UK but his supplier is in China. It seems that all contact with this particular Chinese company has been lost. They have possibly failed and our expensive custom button making tool may well have disappeared with them. Fortunately we have adequate supplies of buttons to cover us until a replacement is found but just imagine if our whole boiler was made in China. Not that any of our competitors' boilers are made in China. Oh sorry. Seems there are quite a few. I'd start sweating if that was us.



It appears that Baroness Vadera (above)has got herself into trouble for seeing green shoots of recovery. Now what's wrong with that? The Baroness also mentioned seeing Elvis performing for the fairies at the bottom of her garden and reading something funny on the Instanta blog.



It's dinner time now. At least it is here at Instanta although it's lunchtime everywhere else. And I'm tucking into my totally delicious home made tuna and sweetcorn roll. Marion reckons this is doing our bit for the economic downturn and is saving us at least £20 a week. But I would argue that by depriving Tesco of my regular Finest sandwich that's taking £20 out of the economy and adding to the recession. I mean Tesco need the money more than us. Don't they?



Just finished the roll and ended dinner with a super fresh fig. It's wonderful that the great Turkish fig famine that kept Jacobs' fig rolls out of the shops for most of last year has now ended and this lovely fruit is now back in the shops. Here's some wise advice for anyone making packed lunches for their husbands.



Mmmmm delicious.

ET Phone Home

I am sure that he would have more luck than he would trying to phone us at the moment. In fact a couple of tins linked with a piece of string would beat our super new all singing all dancing VOIP phone system. Marion is just nipping down to Tesco for a crate of Value Baked Beans so we can start putting them together. Regular readers will know that the system was installed late last year and had teething problems which we were told would soon iron themselves out. They haven't, and have got progressively worse with flashing lights and dropped calls being a regular feature of the day. We told the service providers that enough was enough and we decided to cancel the contract. "Oh no you can't" was the telecoms company's response. "Oh yes we can" was our obvious retort. "£2,800 cancellation charge" said Mr Telecoms. Hmmm. I can see this one running and running. If you can't get through on the phone to us keep trying. We are doing our best to get things right.

Meanwhile Big Al the accountant is making good progress with the books. He spotted the scrap theft straight away and put it conservatively at £18,000. So much for the local police's acceptance of £2,500.



I asked on Friday if Liverpool might consolidate their position at the top of the Premiership on Saturday. The answer was a resounding NO and I swiftly laid my bets on a Liverpool title so I now stand to win about £50 if it's us or Man U but at least I won't be losing anything in this market. I've got some small bets running on Celebrity Big Brother where it looks like Verne is a dead cert to win despite rumours that the News of The World is planning some sort of Mini-Me sex scandal for next Sunday. (I win only £34 if he wins). I will have a try at the Dancing on Ice market although I am not a fan of the show. I tuned in on Sunday and young Ray Quinn was so much better than anybody else I can't see it being anything more than a one horse race if it goes on ability. But we haven't seen the girls yet and there may just be a female Ray. And who says it goes on ability? On Sunday Todd Carty was so bad he made John Sergeant's performance on Strictly look positively balletic but he didn't even manage to find himself in the bottom two.


After three months' absence from the antiques scene I dipped a toe in the market at the weekend and put three bits ups for sale on eBay including this lovely Poole Pottery deco vase dating from around 1930. It's a great little item and there are already 24 people watching it so I am hopeful of a profit on this one.

We are approaching the end of the tests on the sous vide equipment now and the chefs' feedback has been extremely encouraging. We should be in a position to launch for Easter. Watch this space.



Hoping to give Slumdog Millionaire a try tomorrow night. Orange Wednesday so we better get tickets in advance.And speaking of cinema let's end on a happy note. Someone finally gave Kate Winslet an award. Don't think she'll get another.

Terrible Teens No More

Sunday sees the end of an era. Natalie Drummond will be celebrating her 20th birthday and her teenage years will be at an end. Natalie has been with us for just over two years now although she was off on maternity leave with baby Olivia for most of last year. Everyone here wishes her a great day on Sunday and here's a song to make her feel nostalgic next week.



Well that's all for today folks. Quite a lot on here today so no blogging time left.Looking forward to a big weekend of football. Will Liverpool have consolidated their position at the top of the Premiership by Monday or will it be another season of what might have been? Should have an idea by 7.30 tomorrow.

I Heard The News Today Oh Boy

I couldn't believe my ears. After months of tuning in to the Today Programme on Radio 4 in the morning for the daily dose of woe, gloom and impending doom there was actually an item on a UFO hitting a wind turbine followed by another on an Irish ghost. Has the editor of the Sun taken over for a stint as deputy editor on Today? If so he's really welcome as Marion and I have been listening to Today and steadily pulling the sheets higher and higher over our heads every morning for the past few months as the tally of redundancies and litany of company failures drones endlessly on.

As for the UFO hitting the wind turbine? I think the Sun got the story a bit wrong. They said that one of the blades had disappeared (it was on the ground below the turbine but hey this is the Sun and if it didn't have any boobs the reporter wouldn't have noticed)and, having had a read of the article which you can check out here, I can't help feeling that there may well be a more logical explanation. Mind you a UFO could be divine intervention.



Which would be a big problem for my fellow atheists who invested in the bus campaign that was launched yesterday. Perhaps this was a way of getting revenge. But if I was God I would have targeted a bus or even a bus full of atheists not a wind turbine. You have to admit that the atheists have a point though don't you? I mean, apart from giving people the forlorn hope that things might be a bit better in a future life, what has religion ever done for anybody? I could name a hundred wars and conflicts caused by religion but how many have been caused by atheism? You don't believe in God? We don't believe in God. What can we fight about now? Don't like your nose much.We could have the hooter wars.

As for the Irish ghost? This has been spotted in Coalisland County Tyrone and traffic has been jamming the road with up to sixty cars parked. As the spot where the apparition walks is very conveniently close to a local pub I can't help but feel that the local landlord has found his own way of beating the credit crunch (especially as his eleven year old son seems to be the one who has seen it). He reckons that sales of spirits have rocketed.

All of which made a great change to the start to the day. Was it deliberate? Has Today been losing listeners by the bus full? Tune in tomorrow and perhaps we'll have a song from John Humphrys. Or maybe we'll be back to 2,000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire.

Went to the pictures last night to see Yes Man. Verdict? Good. A very enjoyable film and don't leave your seat until the credits have rolled. There is a great little post credit scene. We tried to get into Chiquitos before the movie but were turned away unless we could manage a fifteen minute wait. Looking over the manager's shoulder I could see a half empty restaurant. Someone had obviously not taken Orange Wednesdays into account when planning the staffing last night. So we went to Bella Italia another chain restaurant on the cinema site. There we were welcomed to a seat immediately and served promptly and courteously. The food was OK but I have to say only OK and the bill of £50 for two was on the high side for a pre cinema meal. So next week we will be back to Chiquito and hope that the staff levels are better.

Here's a guy the Sun found hiding in a shed near that wind farm.

Welcome back Big Al

Although he's too shy to allow me to use a photo on the blog, Big Alan Finch our auditor is back today to carry out the annual scrutiny of the books. Alan spends a week or so poring over our figures and usually comes up with an end result that is not too far off the figure we first thought of. We always enjoy Alan's visits as he is one of life's true gentlemen even though he supports Everton and we are sure that everything will run smoothly again this time.



Speaking of Everton it was an interesting FA Cup draw this week and I'm looking forward to two derby games in a week. No doubt for the benefit of all the armchair supporters I will be traipsing to Anfield at some God awful hour instead of Saturday at 3 o'clock. I think it's time that the TV companies paid us for providing the atmosphere and some out of pocket expenses for messing up the weekends.I mean the matches wouldn't look too good on the screen with games played in front of vast swathes of empty seats and in complete silence. Which is what you get at Blackburn, Bolton, Middlesbrough and a few others already and it will only get worse with the credit crunch. I suggest a scale of discounts off the season tickets as follows, £10 for every 1pm Saturday kick off, £20 for Sunday at 2pm and £30 for Sunday at 4pm. And, as for Saturday at 5.25pm? Setanta should be paying us for turning up at that stupid time. Do they realise they are depriving supporters of the chance to watch Harry Hill? And what's more important? Football or Harry Hill? You know how to decide - FIGHT!!!



Meanwhile at the office we are busy getting into the swing of 2009. Orders are OK but I would be a liar if I said that they were up on last year and we need to keep an eye on how things go. With even the mighty M&S announcing 1,200 job cuts today it's obvious that nobody is completely immune from the current situation and it will be interesting to see how things go in the first month of the year. At least with Big Al here to advise us we should be able to keep the money situation under control.I am very pleased to see the growing numbers of UCDB sales. These under counter boilers are really fabulous products and twenty boilers with forty fonts have just been installed in a major new sports stadium due to open shortly. We hope to get some photos for future publicity.



Marion and I are back into the old routine tonight and are off to the pictures to see Yes Man. I hadn't realised until I searched for the above picture that the film is based on a Danny Wallace's true story. I really like Danny having been one of the few people to have actually watched and enjoyed Castaway on BBC in 2007. Max here in the office tells me that it is a good film so we are looking forward to it (and the obligatory meal at Chiquitos beforehand).