The boys done good

I am delighted to say that, thanks to a huge effort by Tony and his team, the big order is on its way. The photo shows Craig M(on the truck) Dave on Forklift, Tony, Craig P, Jason and Mariusk shortly after loading the waggon. With another wagon load due to leave today, May has been one of our best ever months and to make it even better we are offering to reduce the list price by £10 for anyone ordering a boiler today only and quoting "The boys done good."



As it's his birthday tomorrow we are allowing storeman Pete Barlow to display his pet rag in the photo. Apart from his choice of football teams, Pete is really a nice bloke. He eats, sleeps and drinks football. When he is not playing (even our Tuesday five a side is given 100%)or watching his beloved MUFC or his talented footballing son Alex, he is talking about it and no Monday is complete without the display of yet another gruesome injury for us all to marvel at. If you buy spares from Instanta you will probably have spoken to Peter. It will cheer him up no end if you finish your call with something like "Thanks Pete. You'll never walk alone." That will make his day. Anyway, talking of making his day we all wish him all the best for tomorrow. Have a good one.

Well its Friday morning now and not long before our bacon butties are ordered by our lovely blonde Lauren. Which segues me seamlessly into a joke. A puny and sadly blind English tourist to New York somehow found himself in a seedy bar on the wrong side of town. Sitting at his table the blind man said loudly. "Does anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" The bar fell into a hush. "Does anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" he repeated. Suddenly he sensed the overwhelming scent of cheap perfume and a deep but distinctly female voice by his ear. "My name is Krystal. I am six feet six inches tall, weigh 200lbs and New York women's' boxing champion...... And I am a blonde. Next to me here on my right is my friend Marylou. She is six feet seven inches tall, weighs 220lbs and just came back from serving time in the state penitentiary for grievous bodily harm..... And she's a blonde. And here on my left is Suzie. She is six feet eight inches tall, weighs 280 lbs and is an Olympic champion weight lifter...... And she is a blonde. Now mister. Think very seriously. Do you really want to tell a blonde joke?"

"Not if I've got to explain it three times" came the reply.

Marathon Man Part 2

Better late than never, Nick's marathon photos duly arrived. That's Nick on the right in luminous yellow making a final sprint for the line.

We won't show the next frame where the kid and his mum pass him but here he is again looking duly exhausted and proudly wearing his bronze medal. Well done Nick for completing a marathon and raising a huge sum for Kidney Research UK. (an investment for a number of Instanta staff including one who shall remain nameless "Didn't drink much this Sunday. Only had about 5 pints")

Looking at Nick's photo reminds me of a joke. A black bit of tarmac went into a bar, ordered a pint and sat down to drink it. A few minutes later a yellow bit of tarmac came into the bar and joined him. As the two bits of tarmac sat sipping their pints a pink bit of tarmac came in, went to the bar and ordered a pint. "Get out" said the barman "I've told you before, you're barred". Upset to see a fellow bit of tarmc being so harshly treated, the black bit of tarmac went to the bar and said to the barman "Bit harsh that wasn't it?" "Nah say the barman. There's no way I'm letting that nutter in here. He's a cyclepath"

Marathon Man

Today's blog was going to be in praise of our marathon man Sales Director Nick Neal. Nick completed the Edinburgh marathon at the weekend in an incredible time but sadly his photos have not arrived with the same speed so his write up will have to be delayed (I told you email was rubbish didn't I?)



But as I am using Nick's Skype photo I may as well get on my high horse about Skype. Skype is a brilliant means of communication. Everyone who works at a desk at Instanta has a webcam and can be contacted face to face by clicking on the link at our website. I thought this was brilliant two years ago when we first started using it. Since then the quality has got better and better and it has to be the way forward. We like to think of ourselves as a green company and by using Skype we could see dozens of customers every day without clogging the roads and polluting the atmosphere. It would also allow our sales team to see more of their families and spend less time looking at hotel walls. But sadly very few people are using it. Are we such an ugly bunch? Do you prefer the warm handshake, or are you just shy?

We are all waiting to speak to you. So get in touch and don't forget Skype to Skype video calls are completely free.





Marion and Peter awaiting your Skype call

A Race Against The Clock

With over 300 boilers wanted by an important customer this week, we are racing against the clock to make sure that we get them there on time. We have made the boilers but need just one component to finish the job. UPS predict that the parcel will be here at 12 so it will be all hands to the pumps from then onwards.







On a personal front I am back selling on eBay after a six month absence while our loft was converted. I now have my home office back and I put the first four items for sale, including this fabulous and rare Japanese Imari tea caddy, yesterday and have another 47 bits in the cupboard and have to start photographing them soon.






Terry Wogan stole my thunder a bit re Eurovision. I had a long rant ready for the blog but Sir Terry basically said it all so I won't repeat it. My favourite (pictured) was Latvia's Wolves of the Sea by Pirates of the Sea (or was it the other way round). This song absolutely captured the spirit of Eurovision past but there were few other highlights with everything sounding pretty much the same and the Ukranian and Swedish singers even managing to wear the same dress (I have to say that it looked a lot better on the Ukranian). I managed to lay my bet on binman Andy and at one stage stood to win £38,000 if Germany won but fortunately I managed to lay that bet too (tip don't bet on songs you have never heard) and I ended up with a princely profit of £17.48 on Russia. Great fun. It's all systems go betting on the new Chelsea Manager now. I will be ok as long as Frank Rijkaard doesn't get the job and will make a fortune if Spalletti gets it only I haven't a clue who he is.(tip don't bet on managers you have never heard of).

On a similar vein to Eurovision. Here is a song that would have won hands down. For sheer joy just watch this. If you don't have a smile on your face at the end you are one miserable beep and are not allowed to buy a boiler from Instanta.

Friday Specials

Every day's a bit special at Instanta (honest) but Friday's are just that bit more special than the rest. Firstly Nat's mum comes around with bacon butties at 10.30 (which is nice) and then we all get to go home half an hour early (which is nicer) and to make everything especially nice this Friday we have got a long Bank Holiday weekend.

To let you participate and share in all this specialness and make your own Friday special, we have asked Craig to give anybody who contacts him by video call on skype today (Friday 23 May 2008) an extra special offer. (A call to Craig in itself will be enough to make most people's days special)

On the topic of special, I wonder if anybody can help me to get hold of a copy of the special new Highway Code Rules re traffic lights. It's obvious that they have changed but its nearly forty years since I took my test and I am clearly out of touch. Can someone please confirm that red now means "ok for the next two cars to go through". I know that it's definitely one minimum but not sure if it is two or three. Would like to know as I don't want to upset my fellow road users by doing something as stupid as stopping as soon as red shows.

We have got an order for 350 boilers to go out next week and that will be a real bonus. We have made almost all of them but are awaiting a parcel from DHL with a crucial part.DHL are pretty good so, fingers crossed we'll get them on Monday. Oh darn it. What was that I was saying about a special Bank Holiday long weekend? Have a good one!

The Joy Of Fax

I like to think that I embrace new technology with open arms. I had Sky Plus before it was invented (TIVO), used a camcorder when it involved carrying the equivalent of a car battery sized device over my shoulder gaining me the nickname Qasimodo, joined eBay in the last century and created the first Instanta website in 1997. But email. Pah. Let's face it, it's rubbish isn't it?

This screen shot is of my emails received in the last hour. There are 251 of them. First thing on Tuesday I had 3257. Fortunately I use a program called Cloudmark which deletes most of them but Cloudmark is not infallible and will inevitably delete some "good" emails from time to time.

How much time is being wasted in offices throughout the land trawling through these millions of unwanted messages? It's a bit like the Klondike prospectors sifting through the gravel for that one nugget of gold which invevitably gets washed down the river with the rest of the detritus.

How many variations can they come up with on viagra ciallis, manhood enlargement and pleas from Nigerian princes to get money out of the country? If you are as sick of this as I am, there is a perfectly good alternative. It's called FAX. Today we have had about 25 orders by FAX. They all arrived safely, the senders all KNOW that they arrived safely and the senders will all get their goods tomorrow.

The emailers will be phoning this afternoon with the "did you get my email?" question. The answer will most likely be "no" and that will be an unhappy customer. And that's the last thing that we want.

A huge night in Europe

Yes the night that we have all been waiting for since May 2007 when I was being robbed by a pickpocket on the Athens underground is soon to be upon us. I have been constantly placing and laying bets on Betfair for the last 24 hours and have now built up a position where if Andy the binman wins I will be £2374.61 better off.Was sorry to see Dustin the Turkey and the wonderful Irelande Douze Points miss out on a final place in last night's semis but I have every confidence in Andy. Having said that, if I was choosing an ex pop idol as our representative I would have gone for Will Young. I still have fond memories of opening the phone bill following the final when Marion had determined that Will would win at all costs.

On the work front I have managed to get some statistics on the blog and can get some feedback on how many people have been reading. Thanks a lot to both of you.

For today's special offer, order a WA5 with Craig today quoting JB Blog 2105 and you can quote a list price of £389.



















And as for that circus going on in Moscow, I don't know whether to support C&C or Carford but as one of the richest men in the world owns one of the teams, I know which one my money would be on.

So after a bad night for Dustin the turkey. Could Sir Alex suffer the same fate?

Dustin the Turkey














Sir Alex

Keeping it in the family

As a family business we tend not to advertise for new staff but to find them by putting the word about when a new vacancy is imminent. Consequently the majority of Instanta workers have connections with someone else who works here and we now have two father and son teams on the payroll.

Factory leader Tony Mercer (right) and son Craig are pictured together with Tony Lowe and son Rob who has joined us during his University summer break. We are delighted that both dads have been able to recommend working for us to their sons.

We have penciled Instanta baby Olivia in for office junior in 2024 although as I will have passed my 70th by then I probably won't be here to welcome her.

Having a good workend

I didn't come up with the title, I lifted it from an edition of The Guardian a couple of weeks ago. At the time I thought how appropriate it was, as, in any family with two full time workers, when are you going to get the housework done other than at weekend? So yesterday was spent cleaning (Marion upstairs and me downstairs) and today there is a big pile of ironing although I quite enjoy that as it can be done whilst watching TV. Did manage to nip to the barbers whilst the Cup Final was on but unfortunately the screen was out of my line of vision so had to rely on the reactions of the waiting queue reflected in the mirror to have an idea of what was going on.

Found a musket ball and a load of lead scrap with my detector on Friday. Wonder if there is a market for lead scrap. Hmm think I know someone who might know. Speaking of which, the court case is tomorrow morning. Whilst the perpetrator is all contrite in the dock I wonder if we can slip the magistrate the solicitor's letter received on friday demanding reimbursement of holiday pay due. That shows true remorse. You couldn't make it up could you?

A day off.

I probably don't deserve it as much as most of the people here (as I seem to spend most of my working time on eBay,Facebook and Betfair) but a day off will be welcome. I plan to go and have a few hours with my metal detector in the Yorkshire Dales but will no doubt be making phone calls to check the overdraft and to see how many boilers Nick and Peter have sold. It's nice to be able to go and leave the office in Jenny's safe hands.

Just finished the management accounts for April having spent three hours trying to find a 15p difference in the figures (anal or what?) and am pleased that we made a profit which is a nice change.

To see if anyone is reading this blog, anybody placing an order with Craig today (Friday 16th May 2008) for a plastic cased boiler WM3 or WM7 can quote a list price of £444 for the WM3 and £535 for the WM7.Please quote the reference JB Blog 1605.

Our new baby

Well she's not actually ours but we are sure that Natalie will allow us to call little Olivia the Instanta baby. She was born two weeks ago and, as you can see from the photos, both mum and daughter are doing just fine. Natalie joined us as office junior 18 months ago but now she has her own junior to look after and Sue (pictured in yesterday's blog) will be covering her maternity leave.

One other quick note. Marion has asked me to point out that re yesterday's post she does not think that 53 is approaching her late fifties.

Bring Me Sunshine

After the trauma of the scrap thief last week and the auction in London yesterday, the sun is shining on Instanta for a change. Factory boss Tony tells me that the next 60 1500LCD boilers are well on the way and with another order for 250 wall mounted boilers due to go out next week we should have a pretty good month.

Sue Ebo from the office managed to find a few minutes of her lunch break to enjoy the sun in our factory garden. If the weather continues like this we will be able to hold a lot more meetings in the garden soon. Not many customer know Sue yet as she has joined us to cover Natalie's maternity leave (it was a girl) but she has settled into Instanta perfectly.

An important day.

Most importantly The Guardian finally updated all the predictions for Sunday's matches and with the very last result West Ham v Aston Villa I finally pipped Jenny after months of hanging onto her coat tails. I won by just one point and here are the final results. My 293 was a respectable 335th out of over 25,0000 but the winner managed an incredible 344 points. Instantasports (our office team) came a pretty good 422nd. Maybe next year we can invite Instanta customers to join in.


League Standings

Rank Player Score
1 John Brassey (lfcchampions) 293
2 JENNY WRIGHT (JENUWIN) 292
3 Simon Smith (zolaisagod) 289
4 Craig Buckley (CraigBuckley) 281
5 Max Vidal (Maximus) 274
6 Peter Brindle (PeterB) 261
7 Nick Neal (Elvis) 260
8 Gavin Ford (46) 249
9 Peter Barlow (Mancs) 247
10 NAT DRUMMOND (LIL BEAST) 220
11 DAVID WILSON (davew) 189

Less important no less stressful was the auction in London. Very few bidders and the distinct impression that everyone was being bid up against reserves. Virtually none of the properties reached the reserve. Ours had a reserve of £390k. We offered £380k after the auction and got it. It was certainly not the bargain of the year but gives us so much peace of mind to know that instead of having a 67 year lease we now own the freehold for ever (or at least the bank does). I suppose that we could have waited and offered less but Marion and I just wanted it all over and done with. So as we head towards our late fifties we somehow owe more than we have ever done in our lives (call it inflation or maybe I am just an inveterate gambler)

Lot 61
Plot 1 Canning Road Industrial Estate PR9
13/05/2008 11:00 London Auction
Freehold
Guide Price: £360,000
Address:
Plot 1 Canning Road Industrial Estate
PR9 7SR
Ground Rents

Soon all this will be ours

Pick the Score goes to the wire

Mondays at Instanta won't be the same now that the Premier League season has finished. Most of the office were playing the Pick the Score prediction game on the Guardian website and it caused hours of argument and debate. At the start of the final weekend, stores and office manager Jenny (pictured) was top by 2 points with me running her a close second. I know I got 8 points this weekend and Jenny says that she had a bad one so I may just have pipped her. But an outsider might yet come up on the rails. The Guardian is very slow in updating so we have to wait. Our team Instantasports are in a respectable position.

Marion and I are off to London in a couple of hours to attend the auction for our freehold. Still don't know whether or not to bid. All will be revealed by noon tomorrow.

On the work side I am delighted to see that our first batch of 60 new 1500LCD boilers has rolled straight off the production line and onto the carriers with all sold on day one. I have to say that they look great. We have got another three new lines and hope that they will be in production by the end of the month.