Wednesday 31 March 2010

I Saw A Mouse. Where?



Well actually I didn't see a mouse initially, I just noticed that the big unopened bag of bird food in the garage was not unopened any more and quite a lot of its contents were scattered around the floor. As the bird food was on a high shelf, the culprit had to be a rodent of some sort. So, on Sunday evening, I primed the humane mouse trap with chocolate and checked it the following morning. It was shut so I popped down to the park on the way to the office and opened the trap to release ----- a piece of chocolate. Unperturbed I tried again the following night and, once again the trap had been sprung. This time there was no mistaking that I had been successful as the trap was almost rattling with the furious creature inside's frantic activity. So off to the park again and off ran the mouse. I set the trap again last night and once again it was sprung but sadly no mouse (although it got away with some of the chocs). My worry is just how many of the little buggers there are in there. It's been a long cold winter and we've not been in the garage much.I could be taking a lot of mice to the park in the next few weeks(and then I'll take them to the pictures).



As it's Orange Wednesday today, we would normally be going to the local Vue. The choice this time is a no brainer with Kick Ass getting by far the best reviews of the week. But we've been invited to go out to the Eagle and Child in Bispham Green so we'll have to pay full price this week for once and go to whatever colour Thursday is. We got so many gift cards for Vue for Christmas that we could even afford the posh seats.



I went to audition for the new BBC antiques show Antiques Master in Manchester last night. I don't know how I got on although the people who carried out the audition were really nice (and very young). I signed a contract to the effect that I can't write anything about it now.So you won't hear anything else from me about it until I am told I failed the audition or I tell you that the show is being aired.



Here at Instanta we can hardly move for boilers now after having a shortage for a few weeks. We have been working flat out to catch up on a backlog of orders that was exacerbated by the new circuits arriving late at the factory. I really must thank everyone in the factory for the way that they have all pulled together to leave us in a position to fulfil all outstanding orders and get out a huge number of boilers at the end of the month making March 2010 one of our best months ever.

I'll fininsh now as I need to get down to the hardware shop for some more of those humane mouse traps.




Monday 29 March 2010

Our Boomerang Almost Came Back







We had a great evening on Friday when Mark and Nita from Workhouse Marketing joined us for a meal at the Malmaison in Liverpool. It was good to catch up on all their news including the imminent opening of the Whalley Wine Shop in Whalley (where else?)by their son Tom. It's going to be supplying a great range of wines and more and Tom, who once managed the same premises for Thresher, is hoping that his old clients will return and benefit once again from his expertise. With the strength of the Workhouse publicity machine behind him I'm sure that he will make it a great success.



Unfortunately things went downhill the morning after our evening at the Malmaison. Whilst we were having breakfast, a call came through from the factory. Yes I had given Andy the closely guarded secret that is my mobile phone number and told him to phone in case of emergency. We had some of the factory team working overtime to catch up on the backlog of orders that had built up when the circuits were late. So when the phone rang I knew that it was an emergency. Andy told me of a programming problem with the boilers and I couldn't suss it out. So planned day shopping in Liverpool was curtailed as we weren't in the mood for it and we returned early.The nightmare scenario was that three hundred circuits would have to be scrapped. So, after a couple of hours of thinking, I came into the factory and started playing around with the boilers on test. And, guess what? The programme glitch was dead simple, all that was required was for the boilers to be rebooted to accept the new programmes (a bit like when you put a new programme on your computer) and they were all working perfectly. What a relief! I always vowed not to work on Saturdays but now that I no longer own the business, there I was at 6pm.(Chris please note). Thanks to the lads who gave up their time.



I still have a chance to meet Sandi Toksvig. I had a phone call on Friday from a very nice researcher Laura at the BBC and she asked me to come to Manchester for an audition for the show.So tomorrow evening I'm off to the BBC in Oxford Road. I don't really think I stand much chance as, although I know quite a lot about ceramics and Japanese stuff, I don't think I'm up to much on the rest of the antique spectrum.


As part of the audition I have to take a favourite antique with me and talk enthusiastically about it. There are quite a few on a display in the lounge but I'm torn as to which to take as I really like and am enthusiastic about them all.I'll probably take the least valuable as, knowing my luck lately, I'm bound to drop it. And talking of dropped stuff, I just bought a beautiful antique teapot on eBay. The seller said it was in good condition. Now I don't know about you but I don't think that four enormous rivets and a re glued chip on the spout could be defined as "Good condition". The seller was fine and offered a full refund (even saying I could keep the pot if I wanted). I loved the style of his response "hi there ,
to my knowledge [and i m not THE XPERT]it was in good condition.the handle , didn t know , sorry .
to me it s just a teapot .it s eBay .you can t see it , sometimes you are lucky as a buyer , sometimes not .look , i ll send you a full refund if you d b happy that .i m not fussed " sic as they say.

Finally something to shout about at Anfield. I invited my brother Peter to join me but he was unenthusiastic about the prospect of another boring performance so Nick came and saw one of the best goals scored at Anfield for a few seasons.







Friday 26 March 2010

Wishing Jenny The Very Happiest 30th Birthday





Here's Jenny Buckley our super office and stores manager who celebrates her 30th birthday tomorrow. Married to Craig in our sales department, Jenny joined Instanta straight from school at the age of sixteen and has now been with us for fourteen years. If pocket dynamo Jenny were to appear on Mastermind with Instanta spares as her specialist subject she would score record points as she knows the part number, price and location of everything we have. Jenny loves going for walks with her puppy and Craig. She is also a brilliant organiser, excellent football score predictor and, I am told, an ace poker player. If you are reading this Jenny (I know you are on holiday so maybe you've got better things to do), have a wonderful day. Best wishes from everyone here at Instanta.



Speaking of Masterminds I had a phone call from a researcher at BBC's Antiques Master show the other night. I was asked twelve questions but I only got ten right so I doubt that I will be going for an audition. That's a pity as the show is being hosted by Sandi Toksvig and she has to be one of the funniest and wittiest people around and I would love to meet her.



And whilst on the subject of funny people, did you see last night's edition of Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" on Sky1? We went to the recording of that show and the edited version was just as funny. I particularly enjoyed Freddie Flintoff's rendition of "Suspicious Minds". I didn't see much of Neil Morrisey in the show - they cut his contributions out. ( I think I would have done the same if I were the editor).



The circuit that was being described in development as the bungee has finally run out of bounce. Others referred to it as the boomerang as it kept coming back but our new range is finally in production a couple of weeks behind schedule. These are the most sophisticated products that Instanta has ever produced and are a fitting high for Marion and me to go out on. The features include

Clock in display

Seven day programmable timers

Built in filter monitor to warn when filter need to be changed (if fitted)

ECO mode to allow users to switch to half capacity in busy periods.

And much much more.

Here's a tribute to the new circuits with thanks to our designer John Walkinshaw.



Thursday 25 March 2010

Delusions And Bad Dreams





Our cinema trip for Orange Wednesday this week was Shutter Island. I was not expecting much as the reviews had not been that great but the film which is all about delusions and bad dreams was very good and we both enjoyed it very much. It has been suggested that the film pays homage to Hitchcock and there were certainly a number of very Hitchcock like scenes (even the unconvincing backdrops looked intentional).



Speaking of bad dreams, for the last few nights I've had a recurrent one in which I am being circled by a vulture. It's quite horrific. I'm not quite dead but the vulture keeps swooping down to take a peck at me.I don't often get bad dreams but this one just won't go away. Maybe there's a hidden meaning in there somewhere but I just can't think what it is.



I have gone from a leading position in our Guardian pick the score league to trailing in third place. Jenny and Max have flown ahead of me with Max standing at 30th in the whole country. I really must ask him for some tips as my football bets have all been losers for the last two months. Fortunately I have been sensible and have not bet more than my weekly £20 allowance.



When I write tomorrow's blog I have to say happy birthday to someone here in the office for Saturday. Unfortunately I don't have a photo (apart from ones that the person doesn't like).I have been promised one for tomorrow but if it doesn't arrive I might have to resort to using the unpopular ones.

Football's going downhill isn't it? I am grateful to the Guardian for pointing me towards this parody (at least I hope it's a parody) from a page 3 stunner. Please, please, please do not watch this if easily offended.



Tuesday 23 March 2010

Well I Would Drive Five Hundred Miles




Unlike the Proclaimers I couldn't walk five hundred miles (bad hip you know) but we did drive five hundred miles on Saturday to go for lunch at the Seafood Restaurant in St Andrews. "Is the food that good?" I hear you ask. Well it is very good indeed and well worth a visit although a five hundred mile round trip is not recommended. No, we went to see our wonderful daughter Sarah who was involved in an horrific car crash the Friday before.We wanted to see that she was OK. I am pleased to say that she looked great although she was still suffering from the shock. She won't let me put the photo of her car on the blog but the photo below of another car will give you a good idea of what happened to her. She is extremely brave and I am pleased to say that she went back to school this morning so lets hope that the kids gave her a good day.



Nasty eh. Whilst we were on our flying visit to St Andrews we managed to get a look at Sarah and Duncan's house which is unrecognisable from when they bought it last summer. They have done a fantastic job of doing the place up and it's going to be amazing when it is finished. I know that they are both a bit fed up of living in what is virtually a building site but there are three finished rooms so the house is livable in and it won't be long before there's a fourth and fifth room finished. Sarah and Paul both gave their mum a lovely birthday present so Marion had a very happy birthday (apart from the Abba tribute of course). Can you hear the drums Fernando? Sadly yes my ears are still ringing.



Here's John Walkinshaw from our electronics suppliers KLH Electronics plc looking very thoughtful. John has been working on our new all singing all dancing circuits for our new range of boilers and they are fantastic but there are a couple of tiny, minuscule glitches which have cropped up and, being a perfectionist, John is determined to put them right. We're almost there now although his assistant Michelle has christened the circuit the bungee as it keeps bouncing back to her. Pretty sure that we have ironed the lot out now and we're all set. You won't find a more comprehensive boiler circuit anywhere.



I see that BBC2 are running a quiz style programme for antique collectors. It's called Antiques Master and is aimed at finding the top amateur antiques expert in the country. I don't by any means think that I am the top amateur antique expert in the country but I may be one of the top amateur antique experts in the country who are willing to make a fools of themselves on the telly so the application is in the post.Speaking of quizzes, we are off to the local accountants Champion's quiz night tonight at a local bar. These are usually fun events. Our biggest problem is coming up with a witty name for our team. It's traditional for pub quiz teams to have quirky names like The Know It Ales or Never Been Quizzed. We are looking for something original. Any ideas before 5pm welcome.

Here are some blokes in India who must fancy ending up like poor Sarah.












Monday 22 March 2010

Have You Disabled Cookies?






"No but I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man". If, like me, you liked that joke, you would have loved Lee Mack on Friday night. We went to see him at King George's Hall in Blackburn on Friday. And what a brilliant show it was! Lee was side splittingly hilarious and managed to keep the entire audience in stitches for almost two hours.



It was a strange evening. Why were we in Blackburn? Well, it was Marion's birthday and that's where Lee Mack was performing. Have you ever been to Blackburn? It was a bit like a throwback to the seventies.We felt like gatecrashers at a private do as everyone in the audience seemed to know everyone else and we were a bit like the backpackers in "An American Werewolf In London" who walk into the village pub and are met with sudden silence. And strangely, although outside the venue there was a very high percentage of Asian people, there was hardly an Asian face in the audience.



As a treat for Marion's birthday I had reserved a table at King George's Hall's bar and bistro. When we arrived it was like arriving at a working men's club and we beat a hasty retreat (but we did phone out of politeness and cancel the booking - stuck in traffic). Which was good as it meant that we could find somewhere else to eat (not easy in Blackburn's one way traffic system I can tell you). We went to a really nice place called The Steak And Burger Company. The staff could not have been friendlier, the decor was really beautifully done,the food was great and the wine was good and very cheap. If you do happen to be in Blackburn, do give it a try. The waitress told us that they might also be opening in Manchester so look out for the logo there too - highly recommended.



Now, I like Abba and I like their songs but "thank you for the music" was the last thing on my mind on Saturday night as, as yet another treat for Marion, we were staying in the Ramada hotel in Bolton (don't ask). We somehow managed to be given a room that was not so much near to the wedding celebrations that were going on in the hotel but as good as on the dance floor. The idea was to get a good night's sleep before an event in Bolton early on Sunday morning but the Abba tribute band who were performing for the wedding had other ideas. The hotel manager almost met his Waterloo and if someone had "Gimme Gimme Gimme A Gun After Midnight" it would have resulted in one of those mass killings. As for money, money, money, we had paid up front but I've asked for it back. Nightmare.

We're probably going to see "Shutter Island" for our Orange Wednesday cinema outing this week unless there's something that appeals more but next week there can only be one choice it's "Kick Ass".


Friday 19 March 2010

In A League Of Her Own






It's a very special birthday today as my wife and best friend Marion (here with her best friend Jane) celebrates her 55th. Working in the same office we spend many hours together and I can honestly say that I enjoy every one of them. We met when I was 16 and will have been married for thirty four years in July. To celebrate we are going to Blackburn tonight to watch Lee Mack (below). Local lad Lee has been getting rave reviews for his show and his "Going Out" tour is sold out but I managed to get some tickets on eBay. After the show we are off in the direction of Scotland as we are going to see Sarah tomorrow .We will be staying at the Premier Inn (or something like that) in Penrith (a real birthday treat for Marion as we will probably arrive at about 12.30am). I'll do my best to see that she has a great day.





I was listening to Duncan Bannatyne on Desert Island Discs on the way into the office this morning. When choosing his first song Duncan said that being a Scot living abroad in England he liked to hear a Scottish voice so Rod Stewart and Maggie May was at the top of his iPod. Er would that be the Rod Stewart born and raised in London England Duncan?




I missed Paul's "A League Of Their Own" last night as I was at Anfield watching Liverpool (who definitely aren't). But thanks to the miracle of Sky plus I managed to watch it this morning while I was doing a pile of ironing. Another good show - very funny, great choice of guests although edited just a bit too short. Even some of the highlights that were in the adverts (which were very funny) didn't make it into the show.

Nick was telling me about his plans to hold a sales meeting every Monday morning at (wait for it) 8a.m. 8 a.m! That's the time to set the alarm clock for isn't it? Better give him a key to the office. Enjoy - Nick.



Here's the latest craze sweeping the internet. All you need is a web cam and anyone can join in. You go onto www.chatroulette.com and you will see a completely random stranger who is also sitting at their web cam and you can chat to them. At least that's the theory. It seems that a pretty high percentage of people have a tendency to exhibit themselves inappropriately but hey, whatever, this little video shows you some of the possibilities of the site. It's going to be as big as anything else on the web. Why didn't I think of it?

Thursday 18 March 2010

A League Of Their Own Show Two



The second episode of son Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" is on Sky1 and Sky1HD tonight at 9pm. The guest stars in this second episode are Gavin & Stacey actress (and James Corden's co-writer)Ruth Jones and journalist and ex Blair spin doctor Alastair Campbell. This is a great line up and the show promises plenty of laughs once again. Last week's first episode was an hour long introduction but today is only half an hour (just over twenty minutes without the adverts). Don't miss it (but if you do don't forget to check it out on Sky Anytime or on one of the re-runs).



Whilst on the subject of sport, I was disappointed to read Albert Riera's comments on Liverpool reported this morning. The gist of Albert's comments were that Liverpool are in a mess, nobody likes Rafa Benitez and Albert wants out. It doesn't take a genius to realise that Liverpool are in a mess.A 4-1 win against Portsmouth on Monday might have looked encouraging but had it not been for a terrible blunder by the Pompey keeper that completely unsettled them for ten minutes I think that things might have been different and anyone who saw that win as a new dawn might think again after tonight when we are in a league of our own against Lille in the Europa League. 1-0 down it will be a brave fan who bets on Liverpool to go through.I am going with my friend Dave Haworth again. Last time I upset him by referring to him on the blog as my old friend but, as you can see below, he does not look old at all. (memo to self, don't use Microsft paint again for red eye correction - Peter Raymond would have a fit.)





We went to see "I Love You Philip Morris" last night. I saw it described on a film blog as ""Brokeback Mountain" meets "Catch Me If You Can"" which is a pretty accurate description. It's an enjoyable film based on the true story of a gay conman. I struggled a bit with the bloke from the Orange Wednesday adverts taking a serious role but I loved Jim Carrey's character's excuse for becoming a conman "Being gay is just so expensive!" A few people at our screening walked out after one of the gay sex scenes which just goes to show that prejudice is alive and well and living in Southport. I mentioned the blogger's comparison of the film with Brokeback Mountain and Catch Me if you Can, I also saw a brilliant description of Avatar on a blog the other day "Dances With Smurfs" - priceless.



We've just run all the very final tests on the new CT and WM range circuits and everything is running perfectly so we should be in full production next week. This has to be the best water boiler on the market today and a big thank you goes out to our electronics designer John Walkinshaw of KLH Electroncics PLC without whom it would not have been possible.

As today's blog has been quite a sporty one, I'll close with the Swedish ladies' curling team. Thanks to The Guardian for picking this video out for me.

Wednesday 17 March 2010

Where's The Blog Been?




I got a phone call on Friday morning from Duncan (above)to tell me that at about 8.30 daughter Sarah (also above) had been involved in a car accident. Duncan started the conversation by telling me not to worry and that Sarah was fine but he then went on to say that her car had skidded on ice and ended up upside down on a country lane. Now I know that the fact that Sarah was fine should have been enough to put me and Marion at ease but the thought of her being in such a serious incident (the car is a write off) had a pretty worrying and traumatic effect on us both. We love our daughter dearly and the thought of the fright that she went through and our being two hundred and forty miles away was terribly unsettling. Anyway we are glad to say that Sarah says that she is feeling better and will soon be back at school but we're still going to St Andrews on Saturday just to see for ourselves.



Orange Wednesday today so we are off to see I Love You Phillip Morris. This is Jim Carrey's new film and it's about a gay romance. We were going to see Shutter Island but the critics seemed to think it was a bit too long so we might save that until next week when we are feeling a bit more upbeat. Last week we went to see The Crazies and really enjoyed it - a tremendous B Movie.




At least we managed to see our mums on Mothers' Day. Here they both are with my mum Ann left and Marion's mum Flo right. Both are approaching their mid eighties now but as you can see they are still a picture of health and we look forward to many Mothers' Days to come. PS Mum you left your cake and I'm sorry to say that we ate it.



Yesterday our friendly (and excellent) photographer Peter Raymond visited in an attempt to teach a complete amateur (me) the art of getting colour balance right in his photos. So Peter, after you left I had a go at that Avatar movie where James Cameron obviously had his colour balance set up wrong. What do you think of the results?





We had a visit from one of the Instanta babies the other day. Here is our machine tester Andy Fyles' daughter Bethany with wannabee grandma Marion. The Instanta babies are really the Instanta toddlers now and Bethany has discovered her voice. And very loud it is too. But she's got a great vocabulary for her age and she speaks really well.

Operations Director Dave Wilson's son Jack is mad about Lego. Here's an example of what you can do with Lego nowadays. When I was a kid you could build a house.

Friday 12 March 2010

In A League Of Our Own




No, my headline today is not a homage to the mighty? Liverpool who once again put in a magnificent effort last night against a mediocre side and came away with a wonderful 1-0 defeat for the second time in a week My headline refers to son Paul's new show "A League Of Their Own" which aired for the first time last night on Sky1. Paul devised this show and has worked on it for months so, naturally, when it aired, Marion had to put on a bit of a do and here is our conservatory suitably decked out in red and blue for the teams and (if you look closely)with the table decorated with miniature sporting medals and trophies. Our closest friends came to join us and, even if it was not their cup of tea, they were all very polite about the show. Having been at the recording it is difficult for me to comment as I knew what was coming next (and they cut an awful lot out) but I thought that James Corden, Jamie Redknapp, John Bishop and Freddie Flintoff pulled it off very well and raised a good number of laughs.I am not going near the Digital Spy website as they pulled Paul's last show "The Colour Of Money"to bits and made us all feel sick for a week so I'm sticking with my own opinion. Well done son.



Sky's advertising with proud mum's hand penned addition.



There was not enough time to blog yesterday as our new boss Michael Crouch from Australia joined us for a factory visit. He is back again later today so I am writing this in the very early hours of the morning. I will be adding some photos later today after I have been to Preston to collect another of our new Australian colleagues Alan.

Wednesday 10 March 2010

49 Today



Here's store keeper and all round nice guy Phil Joce. Today Phil is celebrating his 49th birthday and I would like to wish him the very best. His 40th birthday only feels like yesterday and it's a pity that I won't be around at Instanta when he celebrates his 50th next year as the 40th was a very good do. Phil hails from Ilfracombe in Devon but his accent has mellowed now and you would no longer take him for an extra from Larkrise to Candleford and would see him as a local (honest). Married to Pat, Phil is a big film fan although he prefers watching on the small screen rather than the big screen as he has a second job. Along with his duties at Instanta, Phil works another thirty five hours a week (at least) as devoted baby sitter to grandson Lewis. I mentioned on the blog on his birthday last year that Phil joined Instanta over 20 years ago and has been a model employee since then. His punctuality and sickness records over the last twenty one years are still such that there is just one entry from over 13 years ago. All our punctuality and sickness records are pretty good but Phil's is outstanding. Married for 26 years to Pat, Phil is the proud father to Calvin, Nichola and Kirsty. Have a great day Phil.



When we were away at the weekend I saw that in the pond at the hotel there was one of those duck houses beloved by the Tories.



And then I saw this one too and wondered if this was a Labour one.



The excitement is growing in our household as the launch of Paul's new show "A League Of Their Own" launches on Sky1 (and Sky1 HD) tomorrow night at 9pm. Marion is preparing a small themed dinner party for some friends and the house is awash with red and blue balloons and blown up copies of adverts for the show. The programme was originally scheduled for 8pm but, having gone to the recordings of a couple of shows, I wondered if the humour and language might be a bit strong for pre-watershed. I hope that the editing went well as we (and the rest of the audience) certainly had a tremendously entertaining time. You won't see Paul's name on the credits but he has been heavily involved in the development of this fun new panel game from the outset.

If you can't wait until tomorrow Sky have got a page devoted to the show and there are quite a few clips to watch. You can view them by clicking
here

Tuesday 9 March 2010

We're Almost Ready



Following the successful show at Excel last week we are busy pulling all the loose ends together for the new products. We initially aimed to have them on the shelves for 1st March but we had too many orders to fulfil and we had a two week setback. However things are looking to be running well now and we anticipate the first units rolling off the production line towards the end of next week. We are busily writing up the new programming instructions which will allow the users to set the time that the boilers come on and switch off on a daily basis. They are pretty user friendly and the customers should find them easy to understand.



Yesterday I posted a video of Robbie Fowler on the blog with the comment that you should watch it and weep. This would be especially poignant to fellow Liverpool fans. Last night I watched Liverpool on my subscription to ESPN and wept. The spirit of Shankly is no more. The once mighty Liverpool who could always be relied upon to put in an effort even if there was no skill in the team have faded into a jaded and unrecognisable team of misfits and moaners. Apologies to Carragher, Mascherano, Reina, Kuyt and Kyrgiakos who still have the Liverpool work ethic and team spirit but you need all eleven to have it for things to work. I still have two season tickets but it's going to take a lot of persuasion to fill in the renewal form when it arrives a few days after the season ends. By the way lads, we play in red. Last night our passing suggested that we thought that we were playing in blue.



I went to the gym last night (not this one). The recent wedding and 21st parties and Hotelympia have left me overweight and unfit. This has been exacerbated by the need for a new hip which has kept me away from the gym. I managed to cycle for twenty minutes. As long as the saddle is at the correct height the hip moves perfectly but if it's set too low or too high the results are excruciating.



Mark Jones from Workhouse marketing sent me a copy of a press release about his son Tom's opening of a wine store in Whalley later this month. I suggested a headline of "Tom Jones To Open Wine Store In Whalley" fully knowing that Tom will have heard all the jokes about his swinging namesake before and Mark came back with a brilliant response in which he told me that he was off to Wales next week to visit the green, green grass of home (which is not unusual for him) but best of all if the weather was good he was going to take de lilo with him (groan).

Don't forget to get your ticket for this week's draw Mark