Wednesday 28 October 2009

Victor Ludorum?






Yes, our multi talented sportsman Craig Mercer could soon be Instanta's very own Victor Ludorum. Already the Instanta golf champion, Craig has reached the final of the Instanta Pool Tournament and could be our Victor. That is as long as he beats the favourite, Jason Poland, in the final. Craig has a two game lead in a best out of five final and we plan to hold the rest of the match at the next staff meeting. No pressure there then Craig.



Our week of culture continued last night with Pinter's The Caretaker at the Liverpool Everyman. It's good this culture isn't it? Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. Yep I am offering a prize to the first blog reader who can tell me what it was about. First prize is a ticket to go and see the play. Runner up prize will be ten tickets. Sorry for sounding like a Philistine but basically it's a play set in a gloomy room. There's a tramp. There's a saddo brother who turns out to have had some sort of electric therapy so he's a bit dodgy. And then there's the sinister older brother. Saddo brother offers the tramp the job of caretaker (heavy irony this is the grubbiest bedsit ever)but tramp thinks he's better off with sinister older brother and starts slagging younger brother off. Result tramp gets kicked out by them both. The end. Oh and there's a bucket hanging from the ceiling and every now and then a drop of water lands in it with a resounding and extremely loud plop.




After that I think that tonight's dose of culture will be sitting in front of the TV and watching Liverpool's Carling Cup Tie against Arsenal.It's said that there may be just a possibility of our newest signing Alberto Aquilani making a brief appearance. This season teams are not taking this competition as lightly as they have in the past and I expect to see a fairly full strength Liverpool side out tonight. Arsenal may well put out there youth players again. I'd rather we played the seniors. Last time I saw Liverpool play Arsenal's kids we got thrashed about 6-3 at home!



I wonder how many of the postmen realise what they are doing in going on strike? I have always been a bit of a Guardian reading leftie softy but these poor blokes (and women) seem to be being led up the garden path by a leadership that is probably made up of covert agents of someone like TNT or DHL.I mean what are they going to gain from the strike if half the business disappears to competitors? "Whoopee. We won the argument but you've lost your jobs anyway because the turnover has been decimated" won't put food on any plates.As for end users, like Instanta, we have to apologise for the failure of spares parts to arrive on time or apologise because we have had to use a more expensive alternative service and then we may have to apologise for paying late because the cheques are purportedly "in the post". Give it up lads and see a bit of sense.

May not have time to blog tomorrow until we get to Woodstock. Speaking of which, we are looking forward to the film.



Tuesday 27 October 2009

By The Time We Get To Woodstock



No we aren't off to a festival. It's just that Marion and I have decided to indulge ourselves and take two days off work. That's a bit of a luxury although we did have a week off work booked. However with the accountant in full flow it wasn't the best time to be away. Anyway, we are off to the NEC for our favourite Antiques For Everyone Fair. It's a great antique fair for anyone interested in good antiques instead of the rubbish that turns up in your average fairs which should be called "Find the Antique fairs" being filled with so much repro that was made last week. After that we are going to stay at the Kings Arms in Woodstock.And hope to visit nearby Blenheim Palace on Friday.



Then on Saturday we are going to see the opening of P J Crook's latest art exhibition in Burford. PJ is our favourite artist and we have two of her paintings in our collection. We scraped together the money to buy the first one years ago at one of her very first exhibitions in Theatre Clwyd in Wales and are so pleased that we did. The second (similar to the one below) was a surprise gift for Marion's birthday last year.





We have to be back for Saturday evening as we are off to see our favourite comedian Eddie Izzard who is performing his "Stripped" show at the Echo Arena. This will be our third visit to one of Eddie's shows. He is just superb. If you haven't seen him, do try and do so.



But before that there's yet more culture in store for us with a visit to the Everyman in Liverpool to see Jonathan Pryce in Pinter's The Caretaker tonight. I am really looking forward to this. I didn't enjoy it much when it was read to us by our English teacher at school (doing all the parts himself) but I guess that Pryce will be much better than "Sir" was.



With such a glut of culture we may not find time for our regular visit to Orange Wednesday this week. But if we do, we will definitely be off to see Fantastic Mr Fox.And speaking of fantastic animals, did you see the meerkats in Life on BBC1 last night? I couldn't find a clip from the programme but this one is as near as dammit.

Monday 26 October 2009

Happy Birthday Mike




It's Mike Chubbs' 37th Birthday today but he's not in so I can't get a photo and have had to use the one that I used last year (hopefully I can update it tomorrow). We all wish him a really great day. Mike has been working at Instanta for 15 years and he is in charge of our engineering workshop where he runs 2 CNC lathes. Mike has had a rough time this year after he injured his shoulder whilst playing with his son Jamie.Sadly the hospital missed the dislocation and has had a very painful few months. As he enjoys golf this has prevented him from playing. We have to admire the stoical way that he has handled this injury.Being an Evertonian he's used to suffering. Have a great day Mike.



Love it or loathe it you have to hand it to the X Factor as it certainly provides plenty to talk about. Today the office has been awash with indignation over the survival of John and Edward and outrage over Jamie's song but, let's face it, the boys' dire performance was more entertaining than some of the Karaoke that we had to sit through.I managed to win £117 by betting that Rachel, Jamie and Lloyd would not be eliminated.Whilst it was clear to the world and his dog that the Irish twins were the worst act by a million miles you have to remember that this is being voted on by a British public who put John Sergeant through on Strictly every week and kept Barry from Eastenders on ice for weeks longer than he should have been.I hope that blog readers took my advice and backed Joe when he was at 13-1.He's 4.9-1 today.



Yes, all in all, yesterday was a pretty good day. I went to Anfield to watch Liverpool beat Manchester United 2-0 with yet another sublime performance from boy wonder Fernando Torres. I forecast a 2-0 win in our Guardian Pick The Scores competition and that catapulted me to the top of the league for the first time this season. The forecast was not wishful thinking. I forecast a defeat at Sunderland last week too but I thought that as long as Fernando played we could get something from the game. Mind you, standing up for a full ninety minutes did nothing for my arthritic hip (ouch).



Our prodigal son Craig (above right) returned to the office today from his brief adventure on the road. But as Lee (left) did so well standing in for him he is staying in the office and Marion has been showing him the ropes this morning. In no time he will be an office all rounder.Last week I said that I was treading water here in the office but Lee has now made things a lot easier for us.

I think Alan should be on X Factor.


Friday 23 October 2009

The Times They Are A Changin'




I said on here the other day that we were treading water a little but things have moved on since then. Firstly we've got the most important job done and we have booked a party night at the Floral Hall on the promenade. We've got in for Friday 11 December and by all accounts it should be a good night with an Abba tribute band, a disco and entertainment from 8pm until 1am.There's a three course Christmas dinner thrown in as well.



Then there's the problem of the empty office. It started to feel like the Marie Celeste in here a few times lately while we were waiting for Craig to decide on his future on the road as a salesman. He's made his decision and on Monday he will be back here with us on his sales desk duties. We'll all be pleased to welcome him back. Not everyone loves being out selling but at least Craig has had the chance to give it a try. It's not all been bad for him.There have been some good times too.Now we've got to decide what to do with the sales team.



The Instanta Pool Tournament is progressing well. I just watched the match between Northern Sales Manager Peter Brindle (taking shot above) and store man Phil Joce. It was level pegging until I turned up and put Peter off by taking this photo. After that Phil potted every ball and is through to the semi final. (Sorry Pete).



On the business side the 1500lcd is selling like hot cakes and we are struggling to keep up with demand. I know that they are great but why not be green and think about the CT2000 with the ECO mode that allows you to set the water level lower during quiet periods? Just a thought.



I just took delivery of a lawn aerator and scarifier and will be having a go at using it this weekend. For the last few years we've used Green Thumb to come and do this for us but they hiked the price up this year by so much that it made more sense to buy our own machine. A classic case of price sensitivity in market economics.If they had held last year's prices they would still have the business.

We're playing Manchester united on Sunday. I somehow don't think it will be as easy as this game. The Brazilian side Viana needed to score nine goals in the last nine minutes in order to gain promotion on goal difference. Impossible.....of course!

Thursday 22 October 2009

The Eyes Have It



I went to our local auction house yesterday. It's a good auction but they aren't exactly knowledgeable when it comes to antiques and quite often there's something good stuck in amongst the boxes of rubbish that comes with house clearances. Usually these goodies are spotted by the local trade but now and then one slips through. I was delighted to find a Wemyss ware cat like the one in the photo stuck in a box with a load of junk. These are valuable and have sold for over £1500 in the past. Sadly the cat was missing an eye which would be expensive for a restorer to match so I decided not to go overboard with my bidding and dropped out when it got to £500. The hammer went down at £530 and then auctioneer said "By the way, I've go the missing eye in my office!" AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH. Never mind.



This morning we had the annual discussions to decide when we would be closing during the Christmas period. As the office work Monday to Friday 9-5 and the factory work Tuesday to Friday 7.30-5.15 it gets quite complicated making sure that when we close everybody is treated the same. We sat around a desk with everyone scribbling away trying to make sure that equality ruled. And we finally came up with the right solution. The office will close at 12.30pm on Thursday 24th December and the factory will close at 5.15pm on Tuesday 22nd (but work Monday that week instead of Wednesday). Believe me it works out correctly but what a palaver.



Last night's Orange Wednesday film The Invention of Lying was good. We didn't expect a great deal but it was a very clever take on religion. There's a man in the sky who makes good things happen and bad things happen but you can't see him. Excellent.



And whilst we are on the subject of Christmas we have decided to have a Staff Christmas party in the evening this year.We usually have a lunchtime do but timings don't fit this year and we're all set for a night out. All we have to do now is find somewhere that will take thirty three men and three women. Should be a doddle! At least our lot are not big drinkers. Unlike some people!






Wednesday 21 October 2009

Treading Water


I really feel like I am treading water at the moment. Not in a bad way. It's just that we've got so much going on in preparation for next year but we are waiting for others until we can get really cracking.



Firstly there's the new literature. We're in the more than capable hands of our creative designers Workhouse marketing of Ribchester who are well under way with the design for the 2010/2011 brochure. We've agreed on the pagination and the colour scheme but we have to wait now for the bits that we have to fill in.



Then there's the new products for next year. We've got plans to introduce a fair few new models and everything is running smoothly but we're waiting for the tooling to be made and the software to be written so again there's not a great deal that we can do.Although when everything starts to come together we'll be buzzing around like the proverbial blue arsed flies.



And then there's the office. Things didn't quite work out with our last office member so we are understaffed in here at the moment which means Marion is not getting the time off that she was getting and is here for an eight hour day every day. And that means we're spending all our weekends on housework. But due to Craig being on a three month trial as a salesman we are hanging back on changing the office around and getting someone else in case he decides to come back and rejoin us.Fortunately he has only one more month's trial and we can decide how to man the office when he makes his decision.

So that's why I feel like I'm treading water.



There's a lot of water in my novel. I had a day's holiday yesterday and spent most of the time (apart from the wasted trip to Anfield) checking the edits that were done for me by a professional editor. It was a hard slog but I think that the book is now as finished as it will ever be. All I have to do now is try and find a publisher. That's really not going to be an easy task but I will persevere. I have put the book back on Harper Collins website. You can read a sample of it by clicking
here.If you have any comments I would love to hear them.

Orange Wednesday this week is Ricky Gervais's The Invention Of Lying. The reviews have been mixed but generally positive.I know that Ricky Gervais is not as popular as he was but he is a very clever writer and we really loved both The Office and Extras. The premise of the film should make for some good jokes.

Here's a clip that's no joke.Now what is it you are supposed to do at a red light?




Monday 19 October 2009

Happy 50th Birthday Dave



Yes, today our office cleaner, odd job man and eBay aficionado Dave Boutle (lydiate_boutie) is 50 and so a big happy birthday to you Dave from us all. Dave's got 99.4% positive feedback on eBay so I'll leave it to his happy customers to tell you all about him. "Excellent, thank you - great chap to deal with ((**_**))","Super man to deal with, fender looks great in situ...many thanks""Absolutely splendid, excellent ebayer, very nice, immediate payment.""top ebayer A1 ++ +". And here's some feedback from Instanta "You missed a bit of dust under my keyboard but otherwise AAAA++++" "Those toilets smell sweet.AA*****" Wow. What a guy.



We went to see Tom Jones at the Liverpool Echo Arena on Saturday. He started off performing tracks that he has written himself for his new album . The album is called 24 Hours and I thought that a very appropriate title as each song seemed to last 24 hours and I was almost asleep.But he turned the show around with his golden oldies and had the audience singing along to "Delilah" and "What's New Pussycat". I suppose that I shouldn't grumble, as Tom's pretty good for his age. Although I always think that when old people like Tom start saying "do you know how old I am?" I think you should make a guess and then add another ten years.Yes Tom you look 79. Mustn't grumble, a good night was had by all.



Another good performance from our favourite, Joe McElderry on this week's X Factor.I still think Joe is in with a good chance of winning although the Irish twins might do a John Sergeant and get through on comedy value (which is certainly what happened this week).



We've got a chef, Anton, coming in later this morning to teach us how to demonstrate the sous vide equipment. This should be a big help as, although we know all about the equipment we aren't cooks so this will be a valuable lesson.

I'll finish with a dedication for Dave. We've had the song before but here's a LIP DUB version.

Friday 16 October 2009

Tonight's Going To Be A Good Night

I'm turning the blog on its head today and starting with a video.



Why did I do that? Do you need to ask? This LIPDUB video is the best of its type to turn up on YouTube for ages. In case you don't know, Lip Dub is that method of making a video by miming to a popular song.It has been done to death in the years since the guy in speedos and his pal in a headband did Barbie girl and Gary Brolson's Numa Numa flew to the top of the charts but this takes the idea to a new level. Firstly, for the film buff, there's the beauty of a four minute plus single take (a technical feat on its own), and what a take it is with most of the participants coming in right on cue! Then there's the sheer attractiveness of the kids in the video (in a nice not a sexy way)and finally the absolutely brilliant choice of song. So I hope that for everyone who reads the blog I have given you a nice lift for a Friday. The students of Quebec University certainly did for me.



Here's a man with a heart of ice. Yes, after my gushing on about UP on yesterday's blog, Craig took Jenny to see it last night and he didn't shed a single tear.(although I believe that Jenny made up for him). Mind you all the kids in the audience were tearless too. So what does that tell us about Craig?



I got my novel back yesterday. I arranged to have a professional critic have a look at it a month ago and she gave me some great pointers towards where it could be improved.I took up her suggestions and incorporated them into the revised version.She has now checked it over again for punctuation ( a copy edit) and sent me further suggestions for minor changes and all I need now is the time to look at them. The plan is to get ten copies printed for family and friends (there's the surprise Christmas presents gone)and then try very hard to get a publisher. I might put it back on the Harper Collins authonomy website but I don't really want any more criticism as it is possible to flog your writing to death.



We're off to see Tom Jones in Liverpool tomorrow night. He's not an artist who features on my iPod but he's been a huge success for forty years so he must be a good entertainer and I'm looking forward to the show.Unfotunately we aren't near the stage so we won't be able to throw our undies at him.

Have a good weekend and when you need a boiler don't buy anything but Instanta.


Thursday 15 October 2009


When we went to the pictures last night to see Disney/Pixar's latest animated offering UP, we were not expecting to leave the cinema emotionally drained. You normally associate Disney with fun and laughter but this is such a tender portrayal of companionship that it would melt the iciest heart and I left the cinema with a tear soaked collar having struggled (and failed) to control the sobs for much of the earlier part of the film. It is a beautiful example of cinema at its very best and I would not be surprised to see it nominated in the best movie category in the next Oscars. I urge you to go and see it.It isn't all sad and there is plenty of fun for the children but, if you are over forty,do take plenty of tissues with you.



We got a bit carried away with the orange tap handles on the boilers on yesterday's blog and, with the help of our friend Peter Raymond (Peter is once again doing the photography for our next brochure), we've now come up with some more ideas.Do you like them? I think they'll go down a storm.



After all my gushing (in more ways than one) I can't finish on anything else today.




Wednesday 14 October 2009

Big Al's Back



Today we are delighted to be welcoming back big Alan Finch our auditor from Moore Stephens. Although our financial year has only just ended we thought it would be good to get the accounts audited quickly just to make sure that we've done as well as we think we have done. We always enjoy having Alan around. He is a real gentle giant (and a good auditor too).




The only problem with having Alan around is he keeps asking questions and that means less time for writing the blog and, even more important, a delay in getting to VUE to get the tickets for UP. We're getting quite excited about seeing this film and are off to the 16.50 showing. No we aren't skiving, we are missing our dinners to make up time (liberté, égalité, fraternité and all that). Marion went to get one of those fancy Marks and Spencer special meals for £10 including a bottle of wine to have when we get home but it seems that they only do that for weekends. Never mind, beans on toast and water will be just fine.



Congratulations to Channel 4 last night for their new documentary "The Force" covering Hampshire C.I.D. After our own experience of the lousy and inept local C.I.D here in Southport it was refreshing to see real detective work being undertaken. Even by using split screen techniques and flashy editing there was no escaping the fact that there's a hell of a lot of hard work needed to solve a murder (900 hours of CCTV from one building alone and knocking door to door in Hackney bedsit land). And it was also fascinating to see that, but for one person spotting a car that looked out of place in a posh little village and taking a note of its number, the murderer could have escaped scot free. Respect to the Neighbourhood Watch.



Henry Ford is famously supposed to have said "You can have any colour you like. As long as it's black". But here at Instanta we're more flexible than Henry and, as you can see, you can have any colour you want as long as you order enough. Quite striking don't you think? Well it is Orange Wednesday.

We aren't the only innovative ones thought. What about that James Dyson? Have you seen his new fan?




Tuesday 13 October 2009

The Draw's Been Made Who Will Be Our Hustler



Yes I've just done the draw for the inaugural Instanta Pool Tournament and between now and Christmas fifteen Instanta employees will be battling it out for the coveted trophy (I haven't bought it yet but I am sure that it will be much coveted when I do).The matches will be played as best of three and the draw has brought together some interesting pairings with twins Darren and Gary Rodwell matched against each other. One contentious issue will be how Factory Leader Tony Mercer managed to get a bye but, be assured, everything was above board.

The full draw follows.

Andy Fyles v Joey Jones
Craig Buckley v Peter Barlow
Tony Mercer v Bye
Craig Mercer v Lee Moore
John Brassey v Peter Brindle
Mario Kiepas v Phil Joce
Gary Rodwell v Darren Rodwell
Jason Poland v Nick Neal



I had a visit from CEDABOND director Keith (3rd right above) of Instock in Carlisle today. CEDABOND is a consortium of catering equipment dealers who club together to negotiate the best deals they can from manufacturers and suppliers. Keith had a look around the factory and I am sure that he was suitably impressed for us to continue as a preferred supplier to CEDABOND.If you are a catering equipment dealer and want to know more about this catering band of brothers, click
here



This week we've none of the agonising that we had last week for our choice of film for Orange Wednesday. We finally gave it a miss last time but this time there's no competition with the new Pixar movie Up in 3D way ahead in the reviews. The reviews of the film were almost universally gushing with a number of papers giving the film the full five star treatment.I'll have to make sure that Marion brings the Kleenex as I believe that it's got a lot of weepy moments.



We're off to see Tom Jones at the Liverpool Echo Arena on Saturday night. He's being supported by Florence Rawlings. "Florence who?" I hear you say (which is exactly what we said) but we'll let you know what she's like and anyway she looks better on the blog than Tom would have done.

I'll leave you today with a clip from last night's Life on BBC. Marion's been raving about the nut cracking monkeys so, just for her, here they are. (brilliant aren't they?)


Monday 12 October 2009

Foot In Mouth Syndrome





It seems that we are experiencing a surfeit of celebrities putting their feet in their mouths lately. No sooner had the furore concerning Anton Du Beke (or is that Du Burke?)and his racist comments died down when our mouths dropped to the floor again during X Factor as Dannii Minogue made the crassest homophobic comment possible about the contestant Danyl. It was all swept away on the Sunday show but she was totally out of order.




On a positive note our favourite Joseph put in an outstanding performance on X Factor. And yes I did put my money where my mouth was and backed him to the tune of £60 at 13-1 but I did lay (back against) him when the odds dropped to 6.4-1 after his performance. Which leaves a guaranteed £70 profit and no risk on Betfair whoever wins. Sadly I have to wait until Christmas. I'm sure that I'll be dipping back into that market again.



I suppose that all the celeb's crass comments are just part of today's society where people don't think too much about their fellow man or his feelings. Nothing brought this into sharper focus than a report in yesterday's Observer that Charity shops are loosing a fortune to ................shoplifters! Can you believe that there are people who steal from charity shops?



And even worse, think about the people who conned the mentally ill Akmal Shaikh from north London into taking a load of drugs into China. They told the poor innocent dupe that they had got him a slot performing a pop song in a top Chinese venue "oh and, by the way, can you take this suitcase with you?" Shaikh was arrested upon arrival and is now facing execution.What a cowardly, dirty trick.

At least there is one uplifting thing shining through all this nastiness. Yes, Harry Hill is back and Saturday evenings are joyful once again.


Friday 9 October 2009

Brrrrrrrrrrr





Don't know about you but me and Marion are sitting here shivering today. We haven't got the heating on at Instanta yet (you know we are very green)but it just seems so chilly. Maybe we'll have to get it switched on soon. In the meantime we've got our coats on and I keep looking at the photo at the top of the blog and wishing we were back in Italy.



Bad news on the shop floor as our super Finn Power green punch press (yes I know it's blue but it's also very green) is on the blink. It's only five years old (which is young for a machine like this) but it seems that the on board computer keeps throwing a wobbler. As with all intermittent faults it's proving very difficult for engineers to spot the cause but they're coming next week and will see if they can solve the mystery. In the meantime we are getting as much as possible made on it while it is still up and running.



Sales are running well at the moment with the 1500LCDs going out of the door as soon as they are built. Have a think about trying the CT2000. It has a two year guarantee, full service diagnostics and an energy saving eco mode (which is going to be so important in years to come).



As you can see, there's been no expense spared with our stand for The Restaurant Show at Earls' Court in London next week when Nick and Craig (above) are going to be showing our superb sous vide equipment on the CEDA stand. We've got a square metre of space so as long as Craig and Nick squeeze close together they should be OK.They're sharing a bedroom too. Cheapskates us? There's a recession on.

I'll finish to day with a fun viral. OK it's a deliberate plug for Volkswagen but it's an interesting take on how to encourage people to take more exercise by using the stairs instead of the escalator.