Good At Sales And Living In The South Of England?

We are looking for a conscientious sales professional to join the Instanta team as our Southern Area Sales Manager. This is a new position within Instanta. The successful candidate will cover the area south of the M40 and, ideally, will live within that region. This is a wonderful opportunity for the right person. You will be selling products that are both the best in their field and can be used in virtually every workplace in the country providing fabulous potential to hit sales targets. Whilst we expect our new manager to have outstanding sales ability, past experience does not necessarily have to have been within our markets. If you are interested contact me via the blog or by telephone here at Instanta. A very attractive pay and remuneration package is available.



Here is just one of the products that the successful candidate will be promoting. The new WA range of economy wall mounted water boilers with their stylish new front fascias that both look good and keep the user fully informed on the boiler's status at all times are proving very popular.



Quality Reliability And Value For Money

I came up with that simple phrase to accompany our logo around twenty years ago and I was fascinated to listen to one of the speakers at the CEDA conference on Friday. He was talking about a survey that his company had recently carried out on the most important factors taken into account by buyers when deciding upon new equipment. And which was top and classed as very important by about 86% of respondents? Quality (which encompasses reliability). And second at well over 70%? Value for money. Which shows that for years Instanta has been taking into account exactly what the customer really wants.



This time last year we had our brush with fame at the CEDABOND conference at the Celtic Manor. Regular blog readers may recall that Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard was working as a waiter at the hotel. Well, at this year's dinner, I was seated beside the charming Blanco MD Robin McKnight who told me all about his son Graeme (above). Graeme has been successful in landing a place at RADA and his proud dad told me about his (and his daughter's) progress to date. I will be looking out for him in the future and wish him very well.

Unlike a couple of other people who were at the dinner and who shall remain nameless. One of them asked Marion "Is he with you?" looking me up and down. When she nodded in confirmation, his retort was "you could have done better." Laugh? The tears were running down my face - I don't think. Wars have started over less and I can only say that I am glad that I had not drunk enough to start one then. What a relief that I won't be going again next year.One other point. If you are successful enough to qualify for tickets for an important match for your football team and you can't make the match, what do you do? You sell them to another loyal fellow supporter at face value. You don't boast about selling them for thousands. Do you?

Mind you, that particular guest said that he was off to the airport in the morning.

More Hits On The Blog

I pay a subscription that lets me know who has been looking at the blog and how they got to it (Big Brother is watching you) and it's quite fascinating to see the search terms used. After writing about briefly meeting Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard and getting his autograph I got hundreds of hits from his fans but it is often more obscure and quite surprising musings that result in most visits. Yesterday someone arrived via, of all things, a search for a Lakeland Microwave Egg poacher (if it was you and you are back, it's highly recommended but put the boiling water in after the egg and you get better results with two eggs than with one and have a look at their pineapple slicer too its fantastic)and another was searching for Jenny Wright but was it our Jenny Wright? "Fat baby" seems to be a very popular search term but why on earth was someone searching "Instanta Meeting Of Creditors"? Do they know something we don't know? It's quite amazing how few people arrive by way of looking for a water boiler and sadly the photo of knickers that accompanied a blog last year still gets the most hits.



The papers have been full of the Baby P case again following the naming of his mother Tracey Connolly. Nobody can possibly condone the terrible suffering caused to the poor child but the lynch mob mentality that is now being brought to fever pitch by the press and others (at least half a dozen Facebook groups with thousands of members including a group called "name and shame the horible basterds" (their spelling not mine))is worrying. The Guardian ran a full page article on Connolly yesterday.Her own background and childhood was truly horrific and the abuse escalated after her lover's brother moved in indicating his influence as a major factor.There was a parallel in the drama documentary on the Manson family the other night where the influence of one man turned half a dozen normal twenty year olds into vicious murderers.Let's stop the lynching and try and understand how someone could become so dehumanised that they could allow this tragedy to happen.



Yet another plug for Charlie Brooker's "You Have Been Watching" on 4 on Tuesday nights. As long as you aren't offended by bad language this has to be the most laugh out loud show on TV at the moment and the comments on the BBC's "Dragon's Den" last night were just brilliant.



As I took Sarah to the station yesterday I was struck by the lack of originality of the front covers of the magazines Now, Heat and one other which I can't remember. Every one had photos of celebrities in bikinis and some comment on their bodies. But the lack of originality goes further than that. Above is the current cover of Now magazine and below is the cover for August 2002. Are they simply recycling their articles year after year? Must save a fortune on staff.





We are getting lots of interest in the Sous Vide equipment and yesterday had a very positive enquiry from Australia and New Zealand. We know that this product will have universal appeal and expect sales to increase rapidly after we exhibit the equipment at next year's Hotelympia show at London's Excel.

I said that "You Have Been Watching" is the funniest thing on TV but Sales Director Nick tells me we should be watching the BBC's "Walk On The Wild Side". Here's a taste.

I Wish I Did Know Greg Pritchard But Sadly I Don't

The blog hit counter went into overdrive last week with my best ever number of visits by a mile. I have had many hundreds of visitors to the blog in June and I was, obviously , made up with the surge in numbers. Were they fellow BNP haters sympathising with my views? Maybe Apprentice lovers who rued the day James left as much as I did. Or perhaps even people who want to buy a water boiler and have finally realised that there is no sensible alternative to Instanta. So I had a look at who had been visiting and how they got here. (We know who you are Lincat and Marco). OK so there were a few fellow Billy Britt mockers and one or two who were searching for boilers but far and away the most visitors were reading about how me met the wonderful Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard when he was a waiter at the Celtic Manor Hotel. Now I don't know how the tale of our meeting with Greg reads to you but as far as I am concerned I just told the story that I overheard one of the waitresses mentioning that Greg was going to appear on BGT, I asked him all about it, got the autograph (not the T Shirt) and went to bed. A pretty unremarkable story if truth is to be told. However, this has been so misconstrued that I have now become the gateway to Greg. One who knows Greg. I may even know more about Greg than his mum and dad if the emails are to believed. I have had requests to pass on best wishes and much more but sadly I don't know Greg. He seems like a lovely bloke and I want him to be the biggest thing since Elvis (after all I have got not one but two autographs from his waiting on days) but I'm really sorry to disappoint all you Greg fans. I don't know him. But hey. You are all very welcome and you never know, one day you might need a super boiler for making hot drinks. (PS Marion says anyone want to buy one of the autographs towards son Paul's wedding fund?). - Just kidding.

Two birthdays today at Instanta. Firstly an important 50th celebration for Martin Rimmer who heads up our wiring department. Martin has worked for Instanta for 26 of his fifty years and has an exemplary attendance record having less time off in 26 years than some have had in one. Being somewhat (extremely) shy Martin has declined to have his photo taken for the blog this year although he did appear last time and his photo was included in our blog dogs and birthdays this time last year



The second birthday is Kevin Marshall's 38th. It has been an eventful year for Kevin with new baby Sophie arriving just a few weeks ago and his promotion to head of the Sheet Metal department after his predecessor was found with his hands in the brass swarf. Kev has coped well with the pressure that both these changes brought and our sheet metal department is running as smoothly as ever. We wish him all the very best for the day.

Our thoughts go out today to our very dear friend Jane Haworth. Jane, whose cousin Sue worked for Instanta in 2008, has lost her mum after a short illness. Marion and I are thinking of you Jane and hope that you and your dad get plenty of support at this difficult time.



It was only a little field mouse but it was definitely a mouse that scurried across my view when I was having a glass of wine in the conservatory last night.The mouse was outside but Marion was looking up Pied Pipers in the Yellow Pages within a few seconds of the sighting.I blame it on all the bird feeding we've been doing lately. You've heard of the gastronomic delights of The Fat Duck? Well weve got the fat pigeon, the fat blackbird and even the fat blue tit in our garden. The pigeons are stuffing themselves so much that I think that the next step in their evolution will be the loss of flight. Why fly when you can waddle around John and Marion's garden and stuff your face to your heart's content.Anyway I think that the little field mouse may have heard about the free feasting available here and before he brings his mates along I am off to the hardware shop for a couple of traps. Don't worry, I'm not getting one of those traditional little nipper things that leave mouse brains all over the lino, I'm going for one of those humane ones that keep the mouse alive until you set it free (preferably not just as the cat is waking from his afternoon nap).



Blimey I was getting so carried away writing about mice, birthdays and Greg Pritchard that I almost forgot today's special offer. Today's offer is the CT2000 Today's special June offer will run until 10am on Tuesday 9th June. Until then you can buy the super CT2000 boiler for the very special price of £485. That means a saving of £52 or almost 10%.To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta no later than Tuesday 9th June at 10 am and must quote the reference blog offer 080609.



So it's all over and Yasmina is Surallan's new apprentice.After perfect Kate presented her delicious chocolates I thought she would walk it especially after Yasmina came up with strawberry and basil flavoured choc. I always thought that Yasmina's restaurant would be the stumbling block for a win but perhaps Sir Alan saw something of the young Sir A in her and Kate was just a bit too good to be true.If all those straight A's and the first class degree are correct then she should have no trouble finding a top job.Last year's Lee McQueen (he of the reverse pterodactyl fame) has recently had success in winning a major deal for his boss. It has not been the best series of "The Apprentice" and the format has looked a little tired at times. It will be interesting to see how the 16/17 year old candidates being sought for next year brighten up proceedings. The adult version certainly needs a bit of a facelift. I'll leave you with Sir Alan's best bits.

You Don't Need To Reinvent The Wheel With Me Just Fix A Few Spokes

And so went James the master of the foot in mouth from last night's Apprentice and the world seems such a sadder place for it. Not that I could ever see James becoming a world class businessman but because he has been the highlight of this year's series with so many bon mots that it would be easy to fill the blog with them.So we are left with the glamorous Kate and the restaurateur Jasmina to battle it out for the title. What I don't understand about Jasmina is, if she has only recently started up a successful restaurant using money from her mum remortgaging her house, why go for this job? What I also don't understand is why the final has been switched from its Wednesday slot to Sunday night. Seems that there's a football match on the other side.



I got a very nice email from Beth in the USA. She's a 50+ mom from near Seattle and tells me that Greg Pritchard has a growing fan base who have set up a web site. She wants Greg to know that there is overwhelming support for him out there and that someone can help him get that support he needs to get a show on the road ... just let him know that. Unfortunately, having only met him as a waiter at the Celtic Manor CEDABOND dinner I'm not in a position to pass that on to him but I'm sure that he will get the message. In the meantime, as Greg seemed such a nice bloke during our short meeting, I'll be happy to promote him as much as possible so here is a link to that fan site.. The more I reflect on that semi final the more I feel he was hard done by. If you had a gigantic cloak malfunctioning would you be able to put on your best performance?



Continuing our June month of daily offers, today's special offer is the 3000LCD boiler for the price of a 1500LCD. Yes, for today only, the 3000LCD is £419 instead of £450. To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta no later than Friday 5th June at 10 am and must quote the reference blog offer 040609.



The man from the council duly arrived yesterday to investigate the jungle that abuts our factory. We let him into the plot but he hasn't been seen since and we are about to arrange a search party. Good job Dave Wilson got him to sign that Health & Safety disclaimer.



This political cartoon originated some time ago. It could easily be resurrected today with at least half a dozen rats and the ship even lower in the water. I hear that Susan Boyle has been phoning Downing St to check how Gordon is.

So we drew a blank last night in trying to find a movie worth watching and gave Orange Wednesday a miss. The next smash hit of this summer is almost certain to be Sasha Baron Cohen's new persona "Bruno". The trailer is hilarious (in a gross sort of way) and the film is probably going to be as embarrassing as "Borat". Here he is plugging the new film at the MTV movie awards with the help of Eminem. Was Eminem in on it? You decide.

Happy Birthday Peter

It's a sign that the blog has been running for a long time when Instanta Staff birthdays start to come around for the second time and here is Peter Barlow who celebrates his 48th birthday on Sunday.



And here's how he appeared on the blog this time last year in happier times before credit crunches and recession and just after his beloved Manchester United had won the Champions League. For some reason he didn't seem keen on waving his scarf around this year. But I won't give him any stick as his workmates at ASDA (where he does a few extra hours)have already given him punishment enough. Storeman Peter lives and breathes football and it was a sad day when we reported on the blog that he had finally hung up his boots due to persistent injury. But you can't keep a football fanatic down and within a short while he was back only to be out again a few weeks later.Peter's football version of the hokey cokey continued throughout the year and he is now back again having made more farewell appearances than Frank Sinatra. Football aside, Peter is also a devoted father. His son James is a talented footballer as too is youngest son Alex who, along with his sister Heidi is an outstanding dancer. Have a great day Peter.



Heidi and Alex once auditioned for "Britain's Got Talent" but were not successful but tonight it's our CEDABOND waiter Greg Pritchard's turn to appear in the semi finals. I see that his odds on Betfair are very long so people aren't rating his chances but he is a charismatic young man and if he performs well he could easily cause an upset. I've had a very small flutter on the competition and have simply bet against Susan Boyle winning. Her behaviour after winning her semi final was weird to say the least and the subsequent press reports of four letter tirades against fellow contestants and the police are hardly the way to make friends and influence people. I was quite amused last night when Amanda Holden said that if Callum Francis didn't get into the final after his medley of Jungle Book songs the other judges would have her to answer to. So when young Callum was up against Two Grand for the judges' vote who did she vote for? Two Grand of course.



It's the last working day of the month. That's the day when our overdraft is at its very lowest level before we pay all our bills on Monday. That's right all our bills on Monday (customers please note we would appreciate it if you could do the same). Sadly we have a big corporation tax bill to pay on Monday so the overdraft will be right back up again. I was thinking of going cap in hand asking the Inland Revnue to give us a bit more time as I hear that they are very sympathetic at the moment (for a change)but to be honest I haven't really got any sob stories to spin, no big customers gone bust so we'll just have to pay up.



Speaking of efficient cash flow control, two days after the final game of the season at Anfield, the Kop season ticket renewal forms land on my desk. But amazingly all prices are reduced for next season from £650 to £634 a saving of £16 or 2.46%. But hang on a minute hasn't VAT gone down? So what's the saving before VAT? £2 per season or 10p per match. Thanks Liverpool. All prices reduced! The generosity astounds me. They should establish the club as a registered charity.



The weather forecast for the weekend is good. Marion and I have invited her mum and a number of her elderly friends and our neighbour round for Sunday lunch so we should be able to have the roast in the garden. The older generation tends to be overlooked and we know a number of widows and widowers who are on their own with families a long way away and they don't get many chances to get out. The conversation at the lunches is always interesting and I hope that when we reach that age somebody feels the same about us.

I'll leave you with young Callum and decisive judge Amanda Holden.