In my last blog I said that our money was on the dog to win Britain's Got Talent but as soon as Tina and Chandi started to perform on Saturday it was obvious that they would not be taking home the £100,000 prize. They just didn't have the same appeal and the routine was much worse than their semi final performance which led me to my tip. Fortunately I also had a bet on Spellbound which won me a princely £31.50 and, equally fortunately, the impressionist, on whom I had £150 liability, did not win. It's fun watching these live shows with the laptop logged onto Betfair. Throughout the programme on Saturday the odds on the singing Grannie from Scotland were shortening as piles of money backed her and she fell to under 5-1 leading me to wonder if someone knew that her act was going to be a show stopper. Fortunately I didn't fall for the trap of leaping onto the bandwagon as, before she stopped singing, her odds had fallen to 100-1.
I had a rare day off work yesterday and went up to Yorkshire with my brother for a spot of metal detecting. We had researched a new site and were delighted to be given permission by our friendly farmer to search it. We climbed an enormous hill (no fun when you need a hip replacement) to get to the field only to find it full of cows. Metal detecting in a field full of cows is no fun so we had to revert to plan b and search fields that we have gone over time and again in the past. But it goes to show that you can never empty a field completely and I found a Girl Guide Badge, an 18th Century livery button, an interesting and probably Victorian decorated fitting (probably for a book) and this copper alloy lion. I have no idea what the lion used to adorn but he was once gilded and will have looked quite impressive. I guess that he is from the 19th century but would love to know what he was used for. Any ideas?
Three weeks into the diet tomorrow and tonight is a highlight as we are having spaghetti bolognese. From this, my first experience of dieting, it seems that diets are really a matter of self discipline.It is so tempting to add another 5 grammes when you weigh out your 25 grammes of nuts or raisins but no, back into the packet they go. Last night's evening meal of one fishcake and some salad leaves left us a bit hungry for the first time but it's still so far so good and we are both losing some weight.
Here at Instanta, I have carried on with the task of helping Nick to vet the applications that have been flooding in via www.jobsite.co.uk for the position of our new Southern Area Sales Manager. Applications have exceeded a hundred now and, whilst it is not very green, we have printed every one out in full so that we can give them proper consideration. The standard looks to be high although I am leaning towards those who have actually checked out Instanta and decided that they want to work for us rather than those who appear to have sent off their CV without tailoring it to us. We have written to all those we have rejected as there is nothing worse than not knowing and we have asked about thirty more to tell us why they really want this particular job. Some applications are very good but let themselves down with poor English (incite instead of insight was a classic and a letter with I as i from start to finish)but I am not going to reject these as we are looking for a sales person not an English teacher.
I got my Liverpool Season Ticket renewal this morning. They are offering an incredible £52 discount for renewing online. Not sure that it costs them £52 to process an application over the phone but I will be happy to take whatever they offer. Speaking of football, World Cup fever is officially upon us. Now I like James Corden who did a good job of hosting Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" but I'm not sure about the lyrics to his new World Cup song which include the yobbish "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough". What do you think?
Having wasted several hours this week watching Britain's Got Talent with the aim of having an enjoyable flutter, it all comes to a head this weekend with the grand final. At the moment the acrobat troupe Spellbound are hot favourites at 2-1 but I have a sneaky feeling that Tina and Chandi (the lady and her dancing dog) might just steal it (remember that Subo was favourite last year but was wiped out by Diversity)and at 10-1 on Betfair the dog lady represents very good value. Britain is dog mad and the dog is extremely cute (and can actually perform) so expect dog lovers in their thousands to start dialling as soon as the lines open. I will win a few pounds if either win but the impressionist will set me back badly.
I am delighted that the new WA5N is selling very well with boilers leaving the factory almost as quickly as we can make them. I wish that the customers would notice that we now have two more models in this range and start taking the WA10N and WA2N but as always, it takes a long time for the message to get across whenever we bring out a new range. Most customers have the new brochure, all they have to do now is read it.
I went on Google images and googled "Benitez" for the following comment on my football team. When Elsa Benitez turned up on the first line I felt that she would brighten the blog a lot more than any picture of Rafa. Anyway, what can I say about Rafa. He won us two cups (both on penalties after coming back from behind), he bought our most talented player for years in Torres and our best goalkeeper in Reina, we played some decent attacking football in 2008-2009. Apart from that he alienated the brilliant Xabi Alonso, insisted on playing the boring and negative Lucas week in week out, managed to turn Dirk Kuyt from a prolific goalscorer into a midfielder, Ryan Babel from centre forward to winger and bought enough duff players to fill two second division teams (and most of them wouldn't get a game in the second division). So Rafa, I know that the fans loved you for Istanbul but, let's face it, you were a bit lucky there weren't you and I,for one, won't be saddened by your departure. Adios.
Weekend beckons. I wonder what to do. I haven't had much exercise lately due to my bad hip but I don't think I'll be following Taig Khris. Jumping off the Eiffel tower for kicks is not my idea of fun.
I've been watching Britain's Got Talent this week. Well, not really watching rather reading the newspaper with it on in the background and the laptop in front of me. When this bloke , Paul Burling, came on last night, he was described as an impressionist so I glanced up to watch his act. Apart from Harry Hill, I had no idea who any of his impressions were of so I laid him (bet against him)£10 to win the competition at odds of 15-1 (leaving me with a potential liability of £140).I was confident that he would lose and we would never see him again so thought it was £10 for nothing. Imagine my surprise when I tuned in later to see that not only was he still in the competition but he had WON his semi final.I can't see him winning the final so I am not that worried about the £140 but if an act like this can get to the final my comment on the show the other day becomes even more valid. Come on ITV and be realistic if you bring this back next year "Britain's Got No Talent" would make a better title.
And talking about being as sick as a parrot, did you read about the drunken parrots in Australia. I am indebted to the Independent's website for the following:-"In Australia's northernmost city it is not the people who are behaving like drunks, but the native parrots, which are falling out of the sky. Darwin's red-collared lorrikeets are suffering from a puzzling condition, with symptoms strikingly similar to those that accompany inebriation. Hundreds have been treated in animal hospitals, where they are fed sweetened porridge and fresh fruit – the avian equivalent of a hangover cure.In recent weeks the brightly coloured birds have been observed falling out of trees, stumbling around the streets and crash-landing when they attempt to fly. Those recovering in hospital are said to be dishevelled, disoriented and grumpy. Above all, they seem to shun bright lights and to experience an overwhelming desire for a good lie-down." The Aussie vets have not got to the cause of the problem yet but eating fermenting fruit seems to be high on the list of possibilities.
There's very little chance of Marion and me getting drunk in view of the diet that we are on at the moment although we are eating plenty of (not fermented)fruit. Three weeks into the diet and my record reports that we have each had three units of alcohol in total. Only about three months to go to reach the target. We seem to be doing OK but I won't be telling you about our progress until we have concrete figures to report.We are having a small party in a couple of weeks and the diet will have to be suspended for a day.
I just went onto the Liverpool FC website to read the latest news about Rafa Benitez. The press is full of reports that he has been offered £3m to leave. But the Liverpool site? Nothing, nada, silence. I had a quick look at how much the season ticket is going to be next year but, surprise ,surprise they haven't decided yet. Maybe they're waiting to see how much it costs to get rid of Rafa and we mugs will have to pay for it. I, for one, won't lose any sleep if Rafa goes. Last season was the worst I can remember with us playing the most boring football ever.
I was almost tearing my hair out in desperation this morning as I did the payroll. Why should something that I have done week in, week out for twenty years, take me over four hours to complete when it usually takes half an hour? We decided to change to monthly pay during this tax year after fifty three years of weekly pay. In order to make this transition smoothly (roll on 1st August), I have been running a dummy weekly payroll and paying these sums into the staff's bank account. But, at the same time I have been running the real monthly payroll in order to ensure that there are no complications on 1st August. Problem is that some people have regular weekly deductions from their pay (which is fine if they are the same every week)and these have given me real headaches in calculating their monthly equivalents when they have changed the sums during the month. I felt like screaming at around noon. But an hour later armed with a multi columned spreadsheet I had cracked it. I dread to think how long it will take the accountants to work out what I have done.
I am pleased to welcome Danny Rimmer to Instanta this week. We finished last month with an unprecedented number of outstanding orders (none overdue I hasten to add)and Dave felt it was time to beef up the numbers on the shop floor. As always we looked to the lads to come up with suggestions and our machine shop worker Steve Eyres was pleased to introduce his cousin Danny. Danny lives locally and is a keen angler and motocross enthusiast. We hope that he enjoys being part of the Instanta team.
The job applications keep flooding in from the Jobsite website. I've written to a few of the better applicants and asked them why they want to work for Instanta. I've had some very positive responses but some of them look as if they have simply cut and pasted generic comments and I wonder if they have taken the time to look at what we actually do.
Watching ITV's weeklong light entertainment fest that is Britain's Got Talent the last couple of nights raised the question "Has it?" This is the first time that we have seen the show this series and, as the thousands of entries have now been whittled down to just forty, we expected that these would show a pretty high level of quality. We were wrong. Apart from a brilliant dancing dog and some talented acrobats, the acts on Monday and Tuesday were universally bad.So bad that I wouldn't expect them to get through onto the stage at the summer talent shows that we have here in Southport.I'm watching the shows as I thought it might be a good opportunity to have a flutter but so far, dog and acrobats apart, the only way you could bet on any of the acts is for them to lose.
After a gap of what seems like five minutes, our Saturday night TV is once again dominated by Simon Cowell in his new show which,in the arena format, should be called "Britain's Got The X Factor".You've got to hand it to Simon; it really is a slick piece of entertainment but the freak show elements are starting to wear a bit thin. On the basis that (a la Susan Boyle), they have showcased the best acts in show one I think we may have already seen one of the final two. But I'm not expecting it to be Danyl Johnson (the best audition Simon has ever seen).No. Marion and I think that Joseph McElderry with his boyish good looks and pitch perfect voice has much more to offer than the dreadful Eoghan Quinn (Chucky)who made it to the last three last year. And Danyl had the benefit of a track complete with backing singers (another first). Looking at Youtube hits to date Danyl is out in front but at only 41,000 views so far he's not another Susan Boyle.
With son Paul(The Colour of Money, Are You An Egghead), heavily involved in the development of game shows we watched Phillip Schofield's new programme "The Cube" with great interest. Favourite critic Charlie Brooker gave it the thumbs up and I thought it was OK but would have preferred it in a teatime slot rather than in the middle of Saturday night when we like to watch a good film.
If you are on our Christmas present list, look away now. You can now buy the Colour of Money board game. Unfortunately Paul won't get any royalties but it will make the perfect stocking filler and we've just ordered ours from Amazon.(we got the last one but more are coming soon) You can buy it by following the link here.
I've spent a lot more time on my novel before uploading it on authonomy. I've done a new cover. Let me know which you prefer.
Off to Anfield again on Monday night. After months of failure on Betfair I won £90 on an accumulator on Thursday. I put all the winnings on another accumulator of seven teams. Six have won so far. If Liverpool win I get £900. If they lose or draw I lose £150 (£90 plus a hedge I took on another game). I think that the reds will win. But my head says lay Liverpool and guarantee a win of £440. Nice problem to think about though. I'll leave you with my betting tip for X Factor
I pay a subscription that lets me know who has been looking at the blog and how they got to it (Big Brother is watching you) and it's quite fascinating to see the search terms used. After writing about briefly meeting Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard and getting his autograph I got hundreds of hits from his fans but it is often more obscure and quite surprising musings that result in most visits. Yesterday someone arrived via, of all things, a search for a Lakeland Microwave Egg poacher (if it was you and you are back, it's highly recommended but put the boiling water in after the egg and you get better results with two eggs than with one and have a look at their pineapple slicer too its fantastic)and another was searching for Jenny Wright but was it our Jenny Wright? "Fat baby" seems to be a very popular search term but why on earth was someone searching "Instanta Meeting Of Creditors"? Do they know something we don't know? It's quite amazing how few people arrive by way of looking for a water boiler and sadly the photo of knickers that accompanied a blog last year still gets the most hits.
The papers have been full of the Baby P case again following the naming of his mother Tracey Connolly. Nobody can possibly condone the terrible suffering caused to the poor child but the lynch mob mentality that is now being brought to fever pitch by the press and others (at least half a dozen Facebook groups with thousands of members including a group called "name and shame the horible basterds" (their spelling not mine))is worrying. The Guardian ran a full page article on Connolly yesterday.Her own background and childhood was truly horrific and the abuse escalated after her lover's brother moved in indicating his influence as a major factor.There was a parallel in the drama documentary on the Manson family the other night where the influence of one man turned half a dozen normal twenty year olds into vicious murderers.Let's stop the lynching and try and understand how someone could become so dehumanised that they could allow this tragedy to happen.
Yet another plug for Charlie Brooker's "You Have Been Watching" on 4 on Tuesday nights. As long as you aren't offended by bad language this has to be the most laugh out loud show on TV at the moment and the comments on the BBC's "Dragon's Den" last night were just brilliant.
As I took Sarah to the station yesterday I was struck by the lack of originality of the front covers of the magazines Now, Heat and one other which I can't remember. Every one had photos of celebrities in bikinis and some comment on their bodies. But the lack of originality goes further than that. Above is the current cover of Now magazine and below is the cover for August 2002. Are they simply recycling their articles year after year? Must save a fortune on staff.
We are getting lots of interest in the Sous Vide equipment and yesterday had a very positive enquiry from Australia and New Zealand. We know that this product will have universal appeal and expect sales to increase rapidly after we exhibit the equipment at next year's Hotelympia show at London's Excel.
I said that "You Have Been Watching" is the funniest thing on TV but Sales Director Nick tells me we should be watching the BBC's "Walk On The Wild Side". Here's a taste.
The blog hit counter went into overdrive last week with my best ever number of visits by a mile. I have had many hundreds of visitors to the blog in June and I was, obviously , made up with the surge in numbers. Were they fellow BNP haters sympathising with my views? Maybe Apprentice lovers who rued the day James left as much as I did. Or perhaps even people who want to buy a water boiler and have finally realised that there is no sensible alternative to Instanta. So I had a look at who had been visiting and how they got here. (We know who you are Lincat and Marco). OK so there were a few fellow Billy Britt mockers and one or two who were searching for boilers but far and away the most visitors were reading about how me met the wonderful Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard when he was a waiter at the Celtic Manor Hotel. Now I don't know how the tale of our meeting with Greg reads to you but as far as I am concerned I just told the story that I overheard one of the waitresses mentioning that Greg was going to appear on BGT, I asked him all about it, got the autograph (not the T Shirt) and went to bed. A pretty unremarkable story if truth is to be told. However, this has been so misconstrued that I have now become the gateway to Greg. One who knows Greg. I may even know more about Greg than his mum and dad if the emails are to believed. I have had requests to pass on best wishes and much more but sadly I don't know Greg. He seems like a lovely bloke and I want him to be the biggest thing since Elvis (after all I have got not one but two autographs from his waiting on days) but I'm really sorry to disappoint all you Greg fans. I don't know him. But hey. You are all very welcome and you never know, one day you might need a super boiler for making hot drinks. (PS Marion says anyone want to buy one of the autographs towards son Paul's wedding fund?). - Just kidding.
Two birthdays today at Instanta. Firstly an important 50th celebration for Martin Rimmer who heads up our wiring department. Martin has worked for Instanta for 26 of his fifty years and has an exemplary attendance record having less time off in 26 years than some have had in one. Being somewhat (extremely) shy Martin has declined to have his photo taken for the blog this year although he did appear last time and his photo was included in our blog dogs and birthdays this time last year
The second birthday is Kevin Marshall's 38th. It has been an eventful year for Kevin with new baby Sophie arriving just a few weeks ago and his promotion to head of the Sheet Metal department after his predecessor was found with his hands in the brass swarf. Kev has coped well with the pressure that both these changes brought and our sheet metal department is running as smoothly as ever. We wish him all the very best for the day.
Our thoughts go out today to our very dear friend Jane Haworth. Jane, whose cousin Sue worked for Instanta in 2008, has lost her mum after a short illness. Marion and I are thinking of you Jane and hope that you and your dad get plenty of support at this difficult time.
It was only a little field mouse but it was definitely a mouse that scurried across my view when I was having a glass of wine in the conservatory last night.The mouse was outside but Marion was looking up Pied Pipers in the Yellow Pages within a few seconds of the sighting.I blame it on all the bird feeding we've been doing lately. You've heard of the gastronomic delights of The Fat Duck? Well weve got the fat pigeon, the fat blackbird and even the fat blue tit in our garden. The pigeons are stuffing themselves so much that I think that the next step in their evolution will be the loss of flight. Why fly when you can waddle around John and Marion's garden and stuff your face to your heart's content.Anyway I think that the little field mouse may have heard about the free feasting available here and before he brings his mates along I am off to the hardware shop for a couple of traps. Don't worry, I'm not getting one of those traditional little nipper things that leave mouse brains all over the lino, I'm going for one of those humane ones that keep the mouse alive until you set it free (preferably not just as the cat is waking from his afternoon nap).
Blimey I was getting so carried away writing about mice, birthdays and Greg Pritchard that I almost forgot today's special offer. Today's offer is the CT2000 Today's special June offer will run until 10am on Tuesday 9th June. Until then you can buy the super CT2000 boiler for the very special price of £485. That means a saving of £52 or almost 10%.To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta no later than Tuesday 9th June at 10 am and must quote the reference blog offer 080609.
So it's all over and Yasmina is Surallan's new apprentice.After perfect Kate presented her delicious chocolates I thought she would walk it especially after Yasmina came up with strawberry and basil flavoured choc. I always thought that Yasmina's restaurant would be the stumbling block for a win but perhaps Sir Alan saw something of the young Sir A in her and Kate was just a bit too good to be true.If all those straight A's and the first class degree are correct then she should have no trouble finding a top job.Last year's Lee McQueen (he of the reverse pterodactyl fame) has recently had success in winning a major deal for his boss. It has not been the best series of "The Apprentice" and the format has looked a little tired at times. It will be interesting to see how the 16/17 year old candidates being sought for next year brighten up proceedings. The adult version certainly needs a bit of a facelift. I'll leave you with Sir Alan's best bits.
And so went James the master of the foot in mouth from last night's Apprentice and the world seems such a sadder place for it. Not that I could ever see James becoming a world class businessman but because he has been the highlight of this year's series with so many bon mots that it would be easy to fill the blog with them.So we are left with the glamorous Kate and the restaurateur Jasmina to battle it out for the title. What I don't understand about Jasmina is, if she has only recently started up a successful restaurant using money from her mum remortgaging her house, why go for this job? What I also don't understand is why the final has been switched from its Wednesday slot to Sunday night. Seems that there's a football match on the other side.
I got a very nice email from Beth in the USA. She's a 50+ mom from near Seattle and tells me that Greg Pritchard has a growing fan base who have set up a web site. She wants Greg to know that there is overwhelming support for him out there and that someone can help him get that support he needs to get a show on the road ... just let him know that. Unfortunately, having only met him as a waiter at the Celtic Manor CEDABOND dinner I'm not in a position to pass that on to him but I'm sure that he will get the message. In the meantime, as Greg seemed such a nice bloke during our short meeting, I'll be happy to promote him as much as possible so here is a link to that fan site.. The more I reflect on that semi final the more I feel he was hard done by. If you had a gigantic cloak malfunctioning would you be able to put on your best performance?
Continuing our June month of daily offers, today's special offer is the 3000LCD boiler for the price of a 1500LCD. Yes, for today only, the 3000LCD is £419 instead of £450. To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta no later than Friday 5th June at 10 am and must quote the reference blog offer 040609.
The man from the council duly arrived yesterday to investigate the jungle that abuts our factory. We let him into the plot but he hasn't been seen since and we are about to arrange a search party. Good job Dave Wilson got him to sign that Health & Safety disclaimer.
This political cartoon originated some time ago. It could easily be resurrected today with at least half a dozen rats and the ship even lower in the water. I hear that Susan Boyle has been phoning Downing St to check how Gordon is.
So we drew a blank last night in trying to find a movie worth watching and gave Orange Wednesday a miss. The next smash hit of this summer is almost certain to be Sasha Baron Cohen's new persona "Bruno". The trailer is hilarious (in a gross sort of way) and the film is probably going to be as embarrassing as "Borat". Here he is plugging the new film at the MTV movie awards with the help of Eminem. Was Eminem in on it? You decide.
I imagine that the competition will see this promotion as Instanta trying to shift slow moving lines. But how wrong can they be as our very first offer in this month long give away is on our best selling 1500lcd boiler. For today only (Monday 1st June 2009) the 1500lcd reverts to its 2008 price of £399, that's £20 off the current list price of £419. To qualify for this offer, orders must reach Instanta no later than 10 am on Tuesday 2nd June and MUST quote ref blog offer 10609.
It looks like we might be in for a long hot summer. On Friday we had our first outdoor production meeting of the year. A few years ago these meetings were a regular Friday feature but two bad summers have meant that they have been very irregular of late. Here is the production team planning what we are going to build during June. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts trying to raise "any other business" we couldn't stretch the agenda any longer and had to go back inside after fifteen minutes. I want everyone to raise at least five points next time the weather's like this
Not quite an Instanta production meeting but another opportunity to sit outdoors arose when we held our senior citizens lunch in the garden yesterday. We get together with a number of older friends several times a year and it was very nice to be able to dine al fresco for a change. We plan a few weeks in advance and, although the Sunday roast was delicious, it was not quite appropriate for the exceptional heat.
I've woken up feeling like I've just done ten rounds with Mike Tyson for the last few days.
And here's the reason. After developing a cavity the size of the Mersey Tunnel over the last few months I finally managed to get an appointment at the dentist on Thursday. The tooth was beyond salvation and a few minutes later it was out. This is my first extraction in over forty five years and, under local anesthetic, it was not something I would recommend. Looking at how white the tiny remaining bits of enamel on the tooth are shows how good that Phillips Sonicare toothbrush I was raving about is. There's one weird side effect as I nurse a gaping hole in my upper gum. When I drink, some of the drink comes out of my nose.Not the most pleasant party trick.
I am indebted to my favourite Guardian columnist Simon Hoggart for the following joke. Two nuns were driving along the road when a demon suddenly landed on the bonnet. "Show him your cross" said the mother superior to her novice. The young nun wound down the window, leaned out and shouted "Get off the bloody bonnet you bastard"
So "Britain's Got Talent" or BGT as it has now become known is all over for another year. Sadly young waiter Greg failed to get through to the final. Although he had some problems with his cape he didn't get the chance of another go unlike young Hollie who bawled the producers into submission. I foolishly layed my winning bet against Susan Boyle after the judges raved about her final performance and ended up losing £14 when Marion's favourites Diversity stole the show. They were good though weren't they?
Commiserations to all the Everton fans both here at Instanta and amongst my friends and family. I know that my nephew Chris was getting wildly excited about the FA Cup Final and I am really sorry that he came home from Wembley disappointed. Better luck next time. I'm sure it won't be another fourteen years before they win something again.
And speaking of not winning anything, it's elections on Thursday and let's hope that the BNP get nothing. Although you probably won't believe it the following video appears on the YBNP web site. It should be compulsory viewing for anyone who thinks that the BNP is a realistic choice.
It's a sign that the blog has been running for a long time when Instanta Staff birthdays start to come around for the second time and here is Peter Barlow who celebrates his 48th birthday on Sunday.
And here's how he appeared on the blog this time last year in happier times before credit crunches and recession and just after his beloved Manchester United had won the Champions League. For some reason he didn't seem keen on waving his scarf around this year. But I won't give him any stick as his workmates at ASDA (where he does a few extra hours)have already given him punishment enough. Storeman Peter lives and breathes football and it was a sad day when we reported on the blog that he had finally hung up his boots due to persistent injury. But you can't keep a football fanatic down and within a short while he was back only to be out again a few weeks later.Peter's football version of the hokey cokey continued throughout the year and he is now back again having made more farewell appearances than Frank Sinatra. Football aside, Peter is also a devoted father. His son James is a talented footballer as too is youngest son Alex who, along with his sister Heidi is an outstanding dancer. Have a great day Peter.
Heidi and Alex once auditioned for "Britain's Got Talent" but were not successful but tonight it's our CEDABOND waiter Greg Pritchard's turn to appear in the semi finals. I see that his odds on Betfair are very long so people aren't rating his chances but he is a charismatic young man and if he performs well he could easily cause an upset. I've had a very small flutter on the competition and have simply bet against Susan Boyle winning. Her behaviour after winning her semi final was weird to say the least and the subsequent press reports of four letter tirades against fellow contestants and the police are hardly the way to make friends and influence people. I was quite amused last night when Amanda Holden said that if Callum Francis didn't get into the final after his medley of Jungle Book songs the other judges would have her to answer to. So when young Callum was up against Two Grand for the judges' vote who did she vote for? Two Grand of course.
It's the last working day of the month. That's the day when our overdraft is at its very lowest level before we pay all our bills on Monday. That's right all our bills on Monday (customers please note we would appreciate it if you could do the same). Sadly we have a big corporation tax bill to pay on Monday so the overdraft will be right back up again. I was thinking of going cap in hand asking the Inland Revnue to give us a bit more time as I hear that they are very sympathetic at the moment (for a change)but to be honest I haven't really got any sob stories to spin, no big customers gone bust so we'll just have to pay up.
Speaking of efficient cash flow control, two days after the final game of the season at Anfield, the Kop season ticket renewal forms land on my desk. But amazingly all prices are reduced for next season from £650 to £634 a saving of £16 or 2.46%. But hang on a minute hasn't VAT gone down? So what's the saving before VAT? £2 per season or 10p per match. Thanks Liverpool. All prices reduced! The generosity astounds me. They should establish the club as a registered charity.
The weather forecast for the weekend is good. Marion and I have invited her mum and a number of her elderly friends and our neighbour round for Sunday lunch so we should be able to have the roast in the garden. The older generation tends to be overlooked and we know a number of widows and widowers who are on their own with families a long way away and they don't get many chances to get out. The conversation at the lunches is always interesting and I hope that when we reach that age somebody feels the same about us.
I'll leave you with young Callum and decisive judge Amanda Holden.
As the girls in the office exhaustedly finished stuffing 2,000 Dealer Newsletters into envelopes, Jenny coyly asked me who had proof read it. Always a bad sign don't you think? Well, of course it was me who proof read it. Mya cuppa. Or should that be mea culpa? Having then been shown the glaring spelling mistake I gave the instruction to let it go and not to check for any more. (My proof reading skills are notoriously bad). A perfectionist might open 2,000 envelopes and redo the job but we are very green here at Instanta and there's quite a few trees worth of paper here.At least it will give the competitors something to tut about, "Did you see that spelling in the Instanta Dealer News?" Well, if they must know, it was there for a purpose - just to check that everyone reads it properly. Because whenever we do anything in print you can be sure that someone, somewhere (you know who you are M) will be on the phone to point out what we did wrong. Spelling apart it is an excellent newsletter, read it and you will find out how to take advantage of some special offers in June.
Just as I am reading about madman Kim Jong Il's latest nuclear bomb test, another madman Nick Griffin appears on TV in a political broadcast. The BNP broadcast ended with the slogan "Punish The Pigs" which implied that by voting BNP you would be getting one over on those wicked MPs. I think "Cut Off Your Nose" would have been more appropriate Nick as a vote for your dark politics would certainly be spiting our faces. Back with Kim Jong Il, what worries me is that if you dig a very deep hole and drop a nuclear bomb down it that produces a reading like an earthquake on the Richter Scale, isn't there some risk of killing us all? Just imagine. The bomb goes off at a particular weak spot on the earth's crust and it's curtains. Goodnight Vienna.
I said yesterday that "Britain's Got Talent" was ideal betting material and, once again last night, the final two were dead certs although I did expect it to be the other way around thinking that Stavros Flatly (above) would get through on the judges' rather than the public vote. There is certainly something appealing about the flabby duo but I'm not sure that I'd call it talent. I admire Simon Cowell who usually has the knack of getting his comments exactly right and does not shy from the truth. But , for once, I felt that he over stepped the mark with his criticism of the teenage dance duo Ben & Vicky Milan-Vega which, though truthful, was needlessly cruel and reduced the dedicated 16 year old Vicky to tears on the biggest night of her life. OK so truth hurts but is it always necessary? The couple were never going to win but had spent most of their lives practicing and deserved better. I suspect Simon regretted his remarks almost immediately.
Truly back in the old routine tonight with Orange Wednesday and "Drag Me To Hell" which will be like deja vu for Marion having joined me on the Kop for Liverpool's last home game of the season. How did the Hyypia mosaic look? Being part of it we never get the chance to see the effect. We simply turn up and hold aloft the coloured square of paper that's been left on our seats. It would be the perfect opportunity for sabotage. If the message read "We're All Gay" or We Love Sir Alex" we'd be none the wiser. Which reminds me that there is a football match on tonight. Better go to the early showing of "Drag Me To Hell" so I can get home in time to watch....... "The Apprentice". Seriously I wish United' apprentices well in their attempts to catch up with the masters Liverpool's five wins.
I see that Red Bull has been pulled from the shelves in Germany after inspectors found traces of coke in it. Was it Diet , Zero , Cherry or Classic?. I think we should know. I can see this giving all the drug test failing athletes an escape. Bath Rugby star Mat Stevens should lodge an appeal immediately. It was the Red Bull. Honest!
Two lots of charts arrived on my desk this morning. The first from the CBI shows little to enthuse about with the only glimmer of green shoots in the expectations of manufacturers who expect the fall in output to be slower. That's hardly a green shoot, more a seed. The second set of figures were from CESA. These are an industrial trends survey of how the catering industry as a whole is faring and I have to say that our figures are bucking the trend which is showing a pretty hefty downturn for the last three quarters whilst ours remains marginally up. The result? We have increased our (admittedly tiny) share of the catering equipment market by over 60%.
I'll close today with Simon Cowell getting his just deserts.
