We Were On Telly Last Night

Well not quite "we" as in me and Marion or Nick, Peter or anyone else who works here it's just that on last night's episode of "The Restaurant" there was a quite lengthy interview with one of the contestants right in front of one of our CT2000 boilers. I imagine the producer saying "We've got to get that beautiful boiler in shot so what excuse can we make? I know we'll interview that dull contestant in front of it to liven her up." It must have helped as she didn't get kicked off. Hope she's grateful. Maybe we'll see one every week a bit like Harry Hill's "Where has the knitted character been this week?" we'll have "Where has the Instanta boiler been this week?"



Speaking of Harry Hill, I'm afraid that Harry went down in my estimation by some considerable way the other week when he had a go at Nigel Slater. Why? Because Nigel's mannerisms were a bit camp.Come on Harry let's not get dragged back into the homophobic dark ages. I'll forgive him this once as he's made me laugh so many times in the past but any more of this sort of thing and that's the end of me praising the show on the blog. (Bet that will make Harry think twice!)





Here are two new additions to our store man Tony Lowe's family. They are twin granddaughters Edetha Jane (top) and Lily Rose. Edetha Jane weighed just 3.5lbs and her sister was 5.5lbs when they arrived in the world on 9th October. Tony tells me that mum Sara and the twins are doing well after a short time in hospital while they put some weight on.Their dad Steven is Tony's eldest son and he is delighted with these lovely additions to the family. Congratulations Tony.



Our lovely 2008/9 brochure is almost at its end now and I'm busy getting the new one ready in time for launch in late January. It has been a great brochure and will be hard to better but we are having a good try. I'm going to devote most of next week to preparing the writing to accompany the wonderful Workhouse Marketing's super layout.

I realise that I forgot to mention Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time the other week. In case you didn't see it here are his highlights.

How To Win Friends And Influence People

So Colonel Gaddafi is visiting Mr Berlusconi in Italy this week. Having been extended the privilege of erecting his tent in a park in the centre of Rome (an opportunity the Roma would never get), how does the colonel thank his host? By turning up to official engagements wearing a photo of a Libyan hero Ohmar Mukhtar the day before he was executed by Italian colonialists pinned to his uniform. Nice one Muammar. Mind you anything that keeps the press off Berlusconi's predilection for teenage girls, is probably welcome to him at the moment.



President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could see himself out of work when the Iranian presidential election results come in. I for one will be pleased to see a regime that treats women with a greater degree of equality replace this humourless despot.



I was saddened to see this idiot being pelted with eggs by protesters. Not only was it a waste of good eggs but it also managed to get the BNP on the TV yet again and might even get some people sympathising with them. Lets' just hope that, before the next election, people realise that this is a fascist, whites,heterosexual and non Jews only party. I have plenty of Jewish, gay and non-white friends,acquaintances and customers and whilst it might sound far fetched don't forget what happened when a party with similar views took over in Germany.So please argue all you can against the BNP but don't do it undemocratically. In order to win those seats they had to win a share of the vote. Thankfully here in Sefton this was less than 6% but in Barking and Dagenham it was a very scary 19%.



So farewell to Cristiano. The Barclays Premier League will certainly be worse without him. However much we non-Man United fans loved to hate him, anyone with an ounce of knowledge of football could only admire his skills. Whether or not they justify Real spending £80m is anyone's guess but whilst Sir Alex will be wondering how on earth he can find a replacement for a once in a decade player, the bosses in the finance department will be rubbing their hands over a £68 million profit.



Don't forget that our June special offers continue with 10% off the WM15 until Monday morning at 10 am. To qualify orders must reach us by the deadline and quote blog offer 110609.

As we said on the blog on this day last year, there May be a birthday here at Instanta today but the celebrant May not want a photo on the web. So Maybe we will mention it or perhaps we May not.Whatever the case we hope that it goes well if that May be the case.



What happened to that barbeque summer those forecasters were promising us? I was looking forward to long evenings in the garden with the smell of singed and burning flesh wafting across from the neighbours' together with loud music, clinking bottles,talking and the sound of stomachs being evacuated until the early hours and will really miss it.Last night's forecast? Light ground frost. Mind you last time I asked "what happened to", it was swine flu and now we've officially got a pandemic. There was a doctor on the radio last night saying that people over 56 don't seem to be affected. That means I've only got three months at risk.

Here in Southport you can't keep a good man down and local businessman JB (not me) is back on the front page of the local midweek paper. This week shots were fired at his front door whilst his wife sat in the front room with the curtains open and all the lights on (as you do when you are in the midst of some sort of underworld war).The local paper chose to illustrate the piece with a photo of Kenny Dalglish. Poor Kenny who is a completely innocent party, happens to live nearby. What next? A piece on stabbing in Brixton accompanied by a photo of the Queen because she lives in London? I'll leave you with the new Southport anthem.

I Wish I Did Know Greg Pritchard But Sadly I Don't

The blog hit counter went into overdrive last week with my best ever number of visits by a mile. I have had many hundreds of visitors to the blog in June and I was, obviously , made up with the surge in numbers. Were they fellow BNP haters sympathising with my views? Maybe Apprentice lovers who rued the day James left as much as I did. Or perhaps even people who want to buy a water boiler and have finally realised that there is no sensible alternative to Instanta. So I had a look at who had been visiting and how they got here. (We know who you are Lincat and Marco). OK so there were a few fellow Billy Britt mockers and one or two who were searching for boilers but far and away the most visitors were reading about how me met the wonderful Britain's Got Talent star Greg Pritchard when he was a waiter at the Celtic Manor Hotel. Now I don't know how the tale of our meeting with Greg reads to you but as far as I am concerned I just told the story that I overheard one of the waitresses mentioning that Greg was going to appear on BGT, I asked him all about it, got the autograph (not the T Shirt) and went to bed. A pretty unremarkable story if truth is to be told. However, this has been so misconstrued that I have now become the gateway to Greg. One who knows Greg. I may even know more about Greg than his mum and dad if the emails are to believed. I have had requests to pass on best wishes and much more but sadly I don't know Greg. He seems like a lovely bloke and I want him to be the biggest thing since Elvis (after all I have got not one but two autographs from his waiting on days) but I'm really sorry to disappoint all you Greg fans. I don't know him. But hey. You are all very welcome and you never know, one day you might need a super boiler for making hot drinks. (PS Marion says anyone want to buy one of the autographs towards son Paul's wedding fund?). - Just kidding.

Two birthdays today at Instanta. Firstly an important 50th celebration for Martin Rimmer who heads up our wiring department. Martin has worked for Instanta for 26 of his fifty years and has an exemplary attendance record having less time off in 26 years than some have had in one. Being somewhat (extremely) shy Martin has declined to have his photo taken for the blog this year although he did appear last time and his photo was included in our blog dogs and birthdays this time last year



The second birthday is Kevin Marshall's 38th. It has been an eventful year for Kevin with new baby Sophie arriving just a few weeks ago and his promotion to head of the Sheet Metal department after his predecessor was found with his hands in the brass swarf. Kev has coped well with the pressure that both these changes brought and our sheet metal department is running as smoothly as ever. We wish him all the very best for the day.

Our thoughts go out today to our very dear friend Jane Haworth. Jane, whose cousin Sue worked for Instanta in 2008, has lost her mum after a short illness. Marion and I are thinking of you Jane and hope that you and your dad get plenty of support at this difficult time.



It was only a little field mouse but it was definitely a mouse that scurried across my view when I was having a glass of wine in the conservatory last night.The mouse was outside but Marion was looking up Pied Pipers in the Yellow Pages within a few seconds of the sighting.I blame it on all the bird feeding we've been doing lately. You've heard of the gastronomic delights of The Fat Duck? Well weve got the fat pigeon, the fat blackbird and even the fat blue tit in our garden. The pigeons are stuffing themselves so much that I think that the next step in their evolution will be the loss of flight. Why fly when you can waddle around John and Marion's garden and stuff your face to your heart's content.Anyway I think that the little field mouse may have heard about the free feasting available here and before he brings his mates along I am off to the hardware shop for a couple of traps. Don't worry, I'm not getting one of those traditional little nipper things that leave mouse brains all over the lino, I'm going for one of those humane ones that keep the mouse alive until you set it free (preferably not just as the cat is waking from his afternoon nap).



Blimey I was getting so carried away writing about mice, birthdays and Greg Pritchard that I almost forgot today's special offer. Today's offer is the CT2000 Today's special June offer will run until 10am on Tuesday 9th June. Until then you can buy the super CT2000 boiler for the very special price of £485. That means a saving of £52 or almost 10%.To qualify for this special price, orders must reach Instanta no later than Tuesday 9th June at 10 am and must quote the reference blog offer 080609.



So it's all over and Yasmina is Surallan's new apprentice.After perfect Kate presented her delicious chocolates I thought she would walk it especially after Yasmina came up with strawberry and basil flavoured choc. I always thought that Yasmina's restaurant would be the stumbling block for a win but perhaps Sir Alan saw something of the young Sir A in her and Kate was just a bit too good to be true.If all those straight A's and the first class degree are correct then she should have no trouble finding a top job.Last year's Lee McQueen (he of the reverse pterodactyl fame) has recently had success in winning a major deal for his boss. It has not been the best series of "The Apprentice" and the format has looked a little tired at times. It will be interesting to see how the 16/17 year old candidates being sought for next year brighten up proceedings. The adult version certainly needs a bit of a facelift. I'll leave you with Sir Alan's best bits.

Instanta's Month Of Special Offers Starts Today

I imagine that the competition will see this promotion as Instanta trying to shift slow moving lines. But how wrong can they be as our very first offer in this month long give away is on our best selling 1500lcd boiler. For today only (Monday 1st June 2009) the 1500lcd reverts to its 2008 price of £399, that's £20 off the current list price of £419. To qualify for this offer, orders must reach Instanta no later than 10 am on Tuesday 2nd June and MUST quote ref blog offer 10609.



It looks like we might be in for a long hot summer. On Friday we had our first outdoor production meeting of the year. A few years ago these meetings were a regular Friday feature but two bad summers have meant that they have been very irregular of late. Here is the production team planning what we are going to build during June. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts trying to raise "any other business" we couldn't stretch the agenda any longer and had to go back inside after fifteen minutes. I want everyone to raise at least five points next time the weather's like this




Not quite an Instanta production meeting but another opportunity to sit outdoors arose when we held our senior citizens lunch in the garden yesterday. We get together with a number of older friends several times a year and it was very nice to be able to dine al fresco for a change. We plan a few weeks in advance and, although the Sunday roast was delicious, it was not quite appropriate for the exceptional heat.

I've woken up feeling like I've just done ten rounds with Mike Tyson for the last few days.



And here's the reason. After developing a cavity the size of the Mersey Tunnel over the last few months I finally managed to get an appointment at the dentist on Thursday. The tooth was beyond salvation and a few minutes later it was out. This is my first extraction in over forty five years and, under local anesthetic, it was not something I would recommend. Looking at how white the tiny remaining bits of enamel on the tooth are shows how good that Phillips Sonicare toothbrush I was raving about is. There's one weird side effect as I nurse a gaping hole in my upper gum. When I drink, some of the drink comes out of my nose.Not the most pleasant party trick.



I am indebted to my favourite Guardian columnist Simon Hoggart for the following joke. Two nuns were driving along the road when a demon suddenly landed on the bonnet. "Show him your cross" said the mother superior to her novice. The young nun wound down the window, leaned out and shouted "Get off the bloody bonnet you bastard"



So "Britain's Got Talent" or BGT as it has now become known is all over for another year. Sadly young waiter Greg failed to get through to the final. Although he had some problems with his cape he didn't get the chance of another go unlike young Hollie who bawled the producers into submission. I foolishly layed my winning bet against Susan Boyle after the judges raved about her final performance and ended up losing £14 when Marion's favourites Diversity stole the show. They were good though weren't they?



Commiserations to all the Everton fans both here at Instanta and amongst my friends and family. I know that my nephew Chris was getting wildly excited about the FA Cup Final and I am really sorry that he came home from Wembley disappointed. Better luck next time. I'm sure it won't be another fourteen years before they win something again.

And speaking of not winning anything, it's elections on Thursday and let's hope that the BNP get nothing. Although you probably won't believe it the following video appears on the YBNP web site. It should be compulsory viewing for anyone who thinks that the BNP is a realistic choice.





And here is a video response.

Who Needs McV's When We've Got Max V's

Max Vidal proved to be more than a first class Service Manager yesterday when he turned up with his own home baked cookies to go with our afternoon cuppas. The hand crafted oat, toffee and apple confections proved a huge hit and had everyone looking for more and asking Max for recipe hints and tips. Even Lauren, who can rustle up smiley faces with chicken nuggets that would put Jamie Oliver to shame, was impressed. She has promised to make us all one of her speciality burgers next week.



Yesterday's slightly political slant on the blog raised a few comments and I was accused of historical inaccuracy when I stated that we were a nation of immigrants. But Britain's earliest political leaflet which was unearthed recently by archivists at the Bodleian Library proves my point. It was written in Olde English but Marion, who studied the language at university and still uses it today with a smattering of Anglo Saxon, has translated it for me. Here are a few excerpts. "The Romano British National Party calls upon all citizens to vote RBNP in next month's election. Lets put an end to Angle immigration. Fed up with Saxons taking your jobs (and torching your hovels)? Sick of all that Viking raping and pillaging. Any time you feel the pain hey Jutes refrain and Vote RBNP and together will make Britain great again like it was before we were taken over by the er Romans."



Did you see Barack Obama's stand up speech at the White House Press Correspondents dinner? A great and very funny turn from Mr President but the best lines of the night came from Wanda Sykes (above)."This is amazing, you're the first black president. I'm proud to be able to say. But that's unless you screw up. And then it's going to be, 'What's up with that half-white guy? Who voted for the mulatto? "

After bouncing into Graceland recently, Gav's mum Margaret Quinn seems to have been bouncing off a chair, landing on a shoe and ending up in A & E with a severely bruised leg. Sorry to hear about it Margaret. Gavin suggests that you were dancing on a table with your toy boy at yet another Elvis do but I'm sure that your explanation is far more plausible.



I am indebted to our local ace photographer Peter Raymond who kindly commented on the photos on my eBay sales listings and showed me how I had got the colour balance wrong. Thanks Peter. You are spot on. Lets hope that none of the buyers send the stuff back because they were expecting it to be yellow.



We're all Arsenal supporters for ninety minutes tomorrow. It would be absolutely brilliant if Liverpool could start the final game of the season next week knowing that a Premier League Championship was still a mathematical possibility. Before that can happen Arsenal have to beat Man United at Old Trafford. So no pressure there then Arsenal. I'll end the week with a footballer who doesn't respond well to pressure. And don't forget Eurovision tomorrow night. Jade's a brilliant singer but I'm pretty sure it won't be "Her Time" with a Lloyd Webber dirge like that.

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid

Because, having received an unsolicited pile of drivel from this lot yesterday, I am. This is the first time ever that right wing extremist organisations have pamphleted our house for any election and I can't believe some of the stuff that they are pushing.To quote the BNP. "British Jobs For British Workers Because We've Earned The Right. Trafalgar The Somme Dunkirk D-Day The Falkands" . What absolute and utter rubbish. Apart from being a nation of immigrants ourselves (think Saxons, Romans, Vikings, Normans) we have a massive debt to non-Brits for most of the battles listed. A spitfire is highlighted with the slogan Battle Of Britain 2009. Wasn't one of our leading spitfire squadrons (303 Squadron) manned (as pointed out by the Guardian yesterday) entirely by expatriate Poles? So it's fine for them to get killed for us but take our jobs? The BNP's MEPS will give 10% of their salaries to the "English Fair" to help fund the celebration of St George's Day. "British?" National Party. "English?" Fair. What happened to Scotland Ireland and Wales then? And who wants to support a party that wants to celebrate a bloke who purportedly once killed a giant lizard? At least the leaflets were printed on recycled paper because I hate to think of a tree being cut down to produce this rubbish. And as for UKIP? They want a return to Churchill. Let's all have a war then.

This was just a brief sample of the content. Whatever you do. Don't vote for any of this lot. If Adolph Hitler once said "German Jobs For German People", it wouldn't come as a surprise.



OK so you logged onto the Instanta web site to read about our super boilers not to be subjected to a political tirade so I'm sorry.But I've been fortunate enough to live my life in a democratic, fair and highly tolerant country and any creeping erosion of those values must be rejected at all cost. Start by targeting immigrants and what next? Gays, Jews Gypsies? Sound familiar?



I got a panic call from Marc at Bistrot Verite this morning at 8.30. Marc is the chef who put everything into the development of our sous vide baths and he told me that his bath wasn't heating. Dave and Nick went to the restaurant straight away and found that Mark's element safety cut out had activated. This was due to the water level probes being dirty and failing to sense that the unit had been switched on with the tank empty. A quick clean of the probes and push of the reset and the bath was fully operational again. It is pleasing that our fail safe devices worked and the bath was back working in no time.It is also pleasing that Marc is so happy with the bath that being without it is now unthinkable.



Orange Wednesday last night was Star Trek. I was extremely impressed by this film (which was a sell out) as I really don't like Sci Fi but totally enjoyed it. The movie has pace and humour and for once the computer generated images don't look like computer generated images but look very real. Newcomer Chris Pine was brilliant as Kirk and I can see a great future for him. His character was, tough, good looking, very funny and, above all, totally credible - the new Brad Pitt.

No doubt the UKIP and BNP candidates won't be tuning in to Eurovision on Saturday night. I wonder what treats we are in for this year. I've been humming last year's Latvian entry for twelve months now and need something new.