The Final Countdown. The Art Of The TV Review.

Its November 1st and today marks a major milestone for us. It's the first day of our last working month and the clock is now well and truly ticking down towards our retirement. I'm going to devote the blog for the final month (or at least some of it) to the things closest to our hearts as well as to people and businesses that have meant a lot to us over the last twenty years. I'll probably be including some of my all time favourite YouTube videos too.

Regular blog readers (and yes there are some - hello Mum), will know that Marion and I are big fans of the arts.You might think us a bit lowbrow as we love X Factor just as much as we love Puccini or Piero Della Francesca but we're comfortable with that, unlike those who wouldn't dream of confessing to enjoying the weekly Cowell glitterfest or the daftness of Harry Hill.Our son Paul is often amazed when people he meets in the industry who make shows for the masses proclaim without a trace of embarrassment that they don't watch that sort of TV.

Anyway, to get to the point, if you love entertainment and the arts, you love reading about them and the first page that I turn to every morning after checking on the soap opera that is my football team is the TV review. I've been lucky over the years as The Guardian has employed some of the finest TV reviewers and previewers including the inimitable Nancy Banks Smith , Charlie Brooker, Grace Dent and now Sam Wollaston. Unlike reviews of theatre productions, new albums, concerts, books, films or exhibitions which people tend to read to form a decision on whether to see or buy the product a good TV review is in itself a form of entertainment and I am happy to read about something that was on the box last night irrespective of whether or not I saw it.

A good TV critic will always sell papers. Jim Shelley at The Mirror, AA Gill and now Caitlin Moran of The Times are all talents who must be treasured by their proprietors and kept at all costs - as was the legendary Clive James whose ten years as The Observer's critic resulted in no less than four books of published reviews. In today's Guardian, Sam Wollaston writes a fabulous piece on Return Of The Rhino: A Last Chance To See Special (BBC2). It's not a programme that I would watch but I am always happy to read a good review and speaking of how the white male rhino is taken back to Africa after thirty odd years in a zoo in the Czech Republic Sam writes "He sniffs the warm ground, stirring distant memories maybe, then takes a mouthful of long fresh African grass. Mmm... after 35 years of dumplings and pilsner." Perfect.

Which takes me back yet again to the absence of a good critic in our regular Sunday paper. When Kathryn Flett left the Observer I blogged on here "Heartbroken On Valentine's day" as one of life's pleasures departed. Her TV reviews were full of humour and clever observation and her magazine pieces on life in her home town of "Random On Sea" were a joy and guaranteed that both Marion and I could grab different sections of the paper without arguing who was going to read her contributions first. Since she left in February I have been patiently reading all of her replacements. All are good writers but none has mastered the rare art of the TV review (and it is an art) and this week I couldn't even be bothered to read to the end and that's a first. If the Observer doesn't find a decent replacement soon I'm going to have to break a lifetime's habit and drop the paper. And just to show what a difference a writer makes, I even read and enjoyed the car review in the Guardian recently when Sam Wollaston wrote it and if you know that I drive a Prius you'll appreciate the level of my interest in cars.



I see that a lot of genuine TV reviewers are active on Twitter while the big shows like X Factor and Downton are on so they are genuinely interested and not just reviewing from DVDs. With X Factor I put my money where my mouth was and, having suggested that Cher Lloyd seemed to be a good value bet at 14:1 last week, I was amazed to see her odds on Betfair rise to 15:1 on Saturday before the show started. Backing her at those odds I could now guarantee a profit as they have tumbled to around 7:1 now but I think that she's got a lot further to go and I am not hedging my bets just yet. Remember we both tipped Joe at the audition stage last year although Marion's got a few favourites this time.


Oh well, twenty nine days to go now. That's TV reviewers off my chest, what beckons tomorrow? With the news of Cherie's dabblings recently, eBay might be topical.

Well That's Next Wednesday Night Sorted Then

At last a film with decent reviews arrives at the local Vue. "The Last Exorcism" is right up Marion's street as she loves nothing more than a bit of horror - she married me! And it was reviewed with no less than four stars in today's Guardian which means that it should be passable at least. So that's Orange Wednesday sorted and, as I am going to see the specialist about my hip on Wednesday morning it will be a chance to get the horrors of the impending operation off my mind.



The Guardian devoted an entire page of the G2 section to sous vide cooking yesterday. The writer expressed surprise at how delicious the food that he cooked in the water bath was, although it was no surprise to us at all having seen the benefits of this method of cooking several years ago and acting upon our taste buds and developing our prize winning SV25 and SV38. Our sous vide water baths were developed in close consultation with leading chefs and are built with all the features that they demanded including our unique internal water agitation system.



With the prospect of a holiday next year after two years without one we have been planning carefully and are thinking of a return to Ile De Re. Looking at the photo you might wonder what the attraction is of a flat featureless French island but we hope to get back on our bikes and Ile De Re is perfect being criss-crossed with miles of purpose made cycle tracks with two or three lovely little towns on pretty harbours and the flatness should be a big help with bedding in the new hip. Only problem was that last time we went the weather was so (uncharacteristically) bad that we christened it Ile De Rain.




A week on Monday Stephen Fry is performing his one man show at the Royal Festival Hall.It is being used as promotion for his autobiography and as an experiment the show is being broadcast live at cinemas around the country so we bought a few tickets to see it at FACT in Liverpool. Problem is we might have something else on that evening so, if anybody out there is interested get in touch. We may still be able to go but we won't know for sure until Wednesday next. As it is almost sold out, we should have no trouble finding someone to take them off us.

Have a good weekend. I was going to embed the brilliantly innovative new YouTube video for Tipp-Ex but it can't be embedded. But you can check it out here. So instead I'll embed the now famous dancing dog. If you haven't already seen it, have a look it's a brilliant dog.

Back In The Old Routine

After a very quiet time here at Instanta last week things are back in full swing again today as the factory reopened after the summer shutdown. And bang on cue the sun has come out and I have been driving the car with the sun roof open for the first time in weeks.Sadly for the men here, the sun arrived a week late and nobody has returned looking like they've spent any time on the sun loungers. Oh well. It's a short week and the sun may stay with us until weekend.



With Marion and me into our last ninety one days working at Instanta we are handing over the books to Liz tomorrow to carry out the end of period for August completely on her own. Don't worry Liz we will be here to help if you have any problems. Craig will be doing our monthly return to CEDABOND and a couple of other buying groups and Max will be doing our guarantee reports (all of which leaves me with very little to do). As there will only be three period ends before we go it is important that we make sure that things go smoothly when we have gone so we reckon that three months should be about right. Mind you if the new computer system arrives before we go that might throw a pretty big spanner into the works.



I've been taking Nytol sleeping tablets for a few weeks now. They're available over the counter and they work really well. If I take painkillers before I go to bed I can almost get a full night's sleep but the Nytol give the extra edge of letting me doze off more quickly. However when I went to buy some more from the chemist on Saturday, the young lady behind the counter gave me such an interrogation you would have thought that I had been asking for crack cocaine. How long have I taken them? Am I taking anything else? And so on and so on. The result? I decided not to take either painkillers or Nytol last night. And the outcome? Didn't sleep a ****** wink.



The Times and Sunday Times Internet pay wall has been running for a few weeks now. I never visited either website so I don't know what effect the charges have had. I do know that by logging onto Twitter and following all The Guardian departments that I am interested in I can keep up with the news as it happens. It is a fantastic service and still completely free to use. I am not sure how they make money from it as almost all my favourite pages from the paper are online to read. Of course, being a loyal Guardian reader, I wouldn't dream of stopping my daily delivery but in these austere times, how many will? Just a thought. I hope that their website pays them handsomely as it is a credit to the newspaper.

A couple of weeks into the football season. Charming chaps these football managers aren't they? NB Bad language warning.

Year End Beckons

Here are Phil (left) and Tony from our stores who, against all odds, have managed to prepare for the annual stock take in record time. Circumstances this week have resulted in the stores being a couple of men down but Phil and Tony have pulled out all the stops and done a great job and must be congratulated. Thanks also go to Gavin for giving them a hand. The accountant arrives tomorrow and, as long as the quantities agree with the books, we'll be ready for the audit very soon.



I promise to stop banging on about my novel after today.When I first uploaded the blog yesterday I erroneously stated that my book was at number 103 (a typo honest). I later corrected it to 1034 (a bit of a difference!). Today it's inside the 1000 mark. I had a brilliant bit of advice from one of the best writers on the site (no it wasn't "Give up")and, as a result, I may well take it down from Authonomy and do a rewrite. Although criticism is sometimes hard to take, there's a lot of truth in the old saying that "you have to be cruel to be kind".



You really have to hand it to the Guardian. They have some incredible writers. I read a review of the X Factor written by Anna Pickard who is not their regular TV reviewer. She summed the show up with this brilliant line on the contestants "When they were good they were very very good. And when they were bad they were televised". Perfect.



Orange Wednesday last night was packed for "Inglourious Basterds". We could not even get into the car park. As for the film. Not as bad as the critics said but not great. A typical mixture of Tarantino violence and black humour with a spaghetti western like score. The cinematography was superb.




Did you read about the punishment planned for people who illegally download files? We all know some don't we? (They will remain nameless here)It seems that they are going to have it cut off. The Broadband that is.

Hasn't She Grown!

Here's Nat's baby Olivia who popped in to see us this morning.We haven't seen her for a short while and she has really grown. Nat left us recently to spend more time with her baby and we can certainly understand why as she is a lovely little girl and full of fun and energy.

And speaking of lovely girls, we are missing Rebekah already. She left us a card with some very kind sentiments and we know that she has a brilliant future ahead of her. We're missing Lauren too and poor Marion and Jenny now have to cope with an office full of men. I just read that Labour has imposed women only shortlists on over half the seats of retiring MPS at the next election. Maybe we will have to do the same when we next recruit.



The decision on the new car has finally been made and we have gone for the Toyota Prius. We test drove it and its performance is not a patch on the Mercedes 320CDI but hey we are supposed to be going green and at over double the mpg it will have to be a price worth paying. It's good to see that Toyota must be doing OK as the waiting time for the new car is over 20 weeks. It seems that leather and the solar sun roof options are the cause of the hold up but we've always had a sun roof and don't want to do without one.



Did you see David Mitchell on "Who do you think you are" last night? I don't usually watch this programme but as a big fan of David M I gave it a try. It was fascinating to see the history of his great and great great Scottish grandparents but, after dwelling on the wonderful deeds of one of these ( A Reverend Forbes) who had saved factory girls and managed to educate young islanders sufficiently for them to go to university, with comic timing a distant cousin turned up with this paragon's will which included this amazing bequest

"To my beloved wife personally I cannot entrust anything. Prudence and my sense of duty forbid it. I do it with grief and pain, because she has, during the last 18 years, proved herself utterly unworthy of trust or confidence, being unfortunately addicted to the vice of intemperance. Contracting debts without my knowledge or permission. Imprudent and without any proper regard to necessary economy. Generally disobedient to the admonitions, advices and directions which were kindly given to her for her own best interest, both by myself and by her relatives and friends. Constantly trying to avoid the vigilance that has been used to prevent her from going wrong ... I earnestly request that there be very little drinking at my funeral." As Nancy Banks Smith said in this morning's Guardian "His wake was, one conjectures, a singularly sober affair apart, of course, from Mrs Forbes' highland fling."

Daughter Sarah arrived home last night for a few days. We'll have to organise a few days out. Knowsley Safari Park is just down the road. Perhaps we should give it a try. Or there again maybe not.