How's that for a catchy headline? If I get much better I'll be writing for the Sun soon. Well I suppose that it covers today's main story. Here are Sean Johnson (right) and Lee Moore (left), from our factory, with John Hall from VOSS. John is training Lee and Sean on driving and using fork lifts. This will leave us with better cover for holidays and other absences and make sure that there will always be someone available to load the carrier's wagon when he collects our daily sales.
And the training is pretty timely as the factory is getting clogged up with pallets full of boilers for a big order that we are due to complete this week. Perfect for Lee and Sean to put their new skills into practice.
I wrote about Angels of Ribchester yesterday. Here's a photo taken by Mark who took us there. I told you it was a bit different.
There's a debate about legalising drugs going on at the moment. I'm glad that it's being raised again as I've been pushing for it for years. Just think how much crime is caused by drug addicts trying to raise the cash for a fix, how much money is wasted on prison for possession, how many lowlife make a fortune from others' misery. Prohibition of booze caused Chicago to turn into a paradise for Al Capone and mobs like his and areas of many inner cities in England are controlled by drug barons here. Make drugs legal and it comes into the open. Buying from a chemist means that risks of adulterated powders are eliminated. The drug barons will no longer cause misery for their customers and the savings in drugs squad and the like will be phenomenal.On the downside, making drugs more accessible may encourage more users but we have a demand that is being fulfilled by criminals and that demand is not going to go away.
What do you do when you have money to burn? Go out and buy 15,000 fireworks. A bit of a damp squib in my opinion.
Congratulations to assembly worker Lee Moore and his partner Emma. They are now proud parents of baby Ellen who was born yesterday morning. Ellen weighed in at just under seven pounds and she and her mum are both doing well. I look forward to getting a photo to put on the blog when Lee gets back to work from his paternity leave.
Yesterday evening at the gym I had a surreal experience. I was sitting on an exercise bike (the only apparatus that I can use at the moment) setting the controls when suddenly I looked up and a woman was standing right in front of me her face a few inches from mine. I jumped in surprise. She was massively overweight (20stone plus) and she had a neat goatee beard. "I'm an ugly sod aren't I?" she said. To which there was only one honest answer but, before I had chance to utter it, she went on to add that the DHSS were paying £1,100 for her to have her beard removed. Why I was brought into this confidence I have no idea but it was a very strange moment. Fortunately, as I was lost for words and the conversation was all going one way, she left and went on to repeat her story in a very loud voice to the lady on a nearby treadmill. I felt sorry for her but if she had appeared as a character in "Little Britain" Lucas and Walliams would be accused of being over the top.
Sad to read the news that Freddie Flintoff's recovery from his knee injury is not going to plan and the chances are that he won't be able to play again for at least another four months (if ever). Oh well that might mean that he is available as team captain again for the new series of Paul's show "A League Of Their Own" which was announced yesterday. Having seen Freddie's memorable rendition of "Suspicious Minds" at the recording of an episode of the last series, it would be great to see him back. There's a big article about Freddie in today's Guardian (click here) in which, amongst the list of alternative money making opportunities available to him, the bizarre possibility of him wrestling in the USA's WWE or similar is suggested.
This year's football close season has been a disaster on the betting front. Last year my son gave me a lot of help in betting on Big Brother and I ended up a winner as the footie season kicked off again. But this year's betting has gone pear shaped. The tactic was to pick an outsider who might grow in popularity and lay the bets in the last couple of weeks of the show. Paul suggested Caohomine might fit the bill. The plan was running well and I put steady bets on her until I stood to win thousands if she won but then, just as her popularity was on the rise, she walked out before I had chance to lay the bets so I am left with a best case of a £500 win (with an extremely unlikely housemate)and a worst case of a £190 loss on some of the more likely ones. Fortunately the potential loss on the favourite is under £55 so I may not have had my fingers burned as much as I thought. The dilemma now is whether to bet against her (Corin) and guarantee a loss of no more than £100 or to stick with her. I've got two weeks to decide. As I haven't seen the programme I suppose it was all a bit of a er (is "gamble" the right word?)betting on the show.
Twiddling my thumbs a bit a the moment. I am all psyched up to get cracking on our new computer system. It's in Australia but I can't log on to it yet. I'll have to pass my time somehow. How about a trip to the local lake in all this glorious balmy sunshine?
Nothing could give me more pleasure than telling you about the return of Liz Clayton to the Instanta fold. Liz first worked for Instanta six years ago and was a very popular member of staff here until she left us to take maternity leave. Liz stayed off work for a couple of years while son Sam was a toddler and she then returned to help us out part time when Natalie took her maternity leave. Now that Sam is at school and Marion and I are making plans for our retirement we felt that it was time to find another part timer to ensure a smooth transition and we immediately thought of Liz and were delighted to hear that she was in the job market. So here she is again. Liz will be working from 9.15 until 2.15 and we are all looking forward to her company. She will be involved in answering the phones and dealing with both the sales and the purchase ledgers.
We will be on the way to London for Paul's wedding on Wednesday so we won't be able to go to the local Vue for the Orange Wednesday promotion. So we went last night to see "Youth in Revolt" starring Michael Cera. Cera has been typecast as the dorky teenager in Juno, Superbad and now in this but it is a role that he carries off superbly and the film is great fun. I assume that, at 22, Cera will have to give up these roles soon but until he does, just enjoy them.
Things are running smoothly with our new colleagues at Zip. There is no real change here in the office and now that the phone has stopped ringing with all the congratulatory messages we are back to normal. We are in daily contact with Norfolk as we are getting the brochure and exhibition together and are looking forward to meeting Zip's sales force and service engineers in the near future.
One of the things that is necessary for when we retire is to have cover on the service desk. At the moment when Max is not in I man the pumps but with me going at the end of the year we need an alternative and Lee Moore has stepped into the breach. At the moment Lee and I are answering calls on speaker phone which is great for Lee but not so great for everyone else in the office. Mind you, perhaps they are all learning too so instead of having just one person to cover for Max we will now have three.
I'll finish today with Charlie Brooker's lesson on how to present the news.
It's a sad day for us all at Instanta as our cleaner David Boutle reports his second negative feedback on eBay. Never in the history of eBay has one man bent over backwards so much to help his customers and what does he get by way of thanks? "A fait échouer la vente sans même me prévenir." Like David, we've no idea what the buyer meant but we are sure that it wasn't justified. Never mind David, with the new eBay system it will be gone in 12 months and you'll be back to being Mr 100%, the position you rightly deserve.
I got an email from sales director Nick (left above). It was a report on something called the Darwin Awards. These are a lists of people doing stupid things and the name is derived from those who are least evolved. This one is my favorite as it relates to the catering industry
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he too lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
Special mention in dispatches to Lee Moore.Lee has only been in the office for a few months after moving in here from the factory floor. He found himself thrown into the deep end this week as Craig (who normally handles the sales order processing) is on holiday. A holiday that coincided with a rush of over two hundred boilers being ordered in just a couple of days. Well done Lee for rising to the challenge.
Thanks to the vagaries of Sky Sports, Liverpool's match against Man City this weekend is being played at 12.45. Whatever happened to the days of 3pm kick offs? One good thing is that I'm going to take Marion with me and leave her to do some shopping in Liverpool while the match is on and then we can meet up for some tapas in La Vina later. So what am I moaning about? I don't know it's just obligatory to moan about Sky. Mind you I shouldn't moan as son Paul works in TV and just got some very good news from Sky so, here's to Sky. You're wonderful really.
And how this for a tenuous link to end the week? Speaking of sky.
Our machine tester Andy Fyles turns 28 today. He's having a day off but you can't escape getting your photo on the blog that easily at Instanta Andy. You know everyone is interrelated. So here he is enjoying a walk around the local fields courtesy of his cousin Lee. Andy tests all the machines before they leave here so, if you've got one, you'll find his signature on it somewhere. He's good at the job and manages to flag up any problems before the boilers leave the factory and get out into the world. Proud father to Bethany and partner to Claire, Andy lives next door to the factory which means that he can almost roll out of bed and straight into work.Have a great day Andy.
And talking of interrelations, here is Andy's cousin, Lee Moore. Lee works in the office but don't worry, we haven't given him a Skype web cam yet so he won't be scaring the customers. Actually he doesn't look like this all the time. He was just having a bad hair day.
I suppose that's got me thinking about families and Instanta being a family business. There are so many connections here. Of course there's me and Marion but then there's Jenny who is married to Craig. I've told you about Lee being Andy's cousin but we've also got twin brothers Gaz and Daz Rodwell and then father and son Tony and Craig Mercer and cousins Joey Jones and Colin May and mother and son Margaret and Gavin.You know that old saying "You don't have to be mad to work here. But it helps" we should rehash it to "You don't have to be related to work here. But it helps!"
We Liverpool fans are not fickle. We know that Rafa's boys won't let us down and I'm sure that last night we let in that late goal just to make the last couple of group matches in the Champions League a bit more interesting. We only need Lyon to draw or win in Florence. No problem! Why not have a flutter on Liverpool to win at 55-1?Perhaps Rafa should sign these lads up.
Here's Marion's mum Flo celebrating her 84th birthday with us at the Ramada Hotel in Southport yesterday. We booked afternoon tea for Flo and eight family and friends and I think everyone enjoyed the afternoon even though the hotel managed to serve us with the cheap afternoon tea when we had wanted the posh one. It probably wasn't their fault as we only booked "afternoon tea" but we assumed we would be offered a choice when we arrived. Mustn't grumble I suppose as nobody seemed to mind and we saved a few quid. It's Flo's birthday on Thursday and I think that you will agree that for someone who has overcome two major cancer treatments she's looking pretty good.
Whilst still on the subject of birthdays, here's assembly worker Sean Johnson who today celebrates his 31st. I had hoped to put a new photo of Sean on here but he was on holiday last week and is off today so I will have to update it tomorrow. In the meantime here is how he looked at 30.Sean still likes to keep himself fit and spends his free time at the gym. Now that we have our own gym here at Instanta I am hoping that he can give me a few tips. He also enjoys running and swimming and in the last twelve months has become one of our regular Tuesday five a side soccer players with a number of "man of the match" performances. Congratulations Sean. Have a wonderful day.
A few weeks ago we reported that assembly worker Lee Moore (left) was trying out life in the office and, now that Lauren has departed, he has taken the plunge and is here with us today learning the sales desk duties. Craig Buckley(right)is going out on the road in four weeks and is busily preparing Lee for a smooth switchover.
It's quite unusual to see a literary prize the subject of gambling stories in the press but today's Guardian front page reports that money has been flooding onto Hilary Mantel's "Wolf Hall" for the Man Booker prize for fiction. Bookies have reported that they have never seen anything quite like it and have slashed her odds from 12-1 to 2-1. Let's hope that the erudite intellectuals who form the judging panel haven't got together in a match fixing scam. Seems unlikely but I'll stick to betting on Big Brother and X Factor and a bit of soccer. This year's BB sees me with a win of between £5 and £90 at the moment. Just can't get very excited about it at all as nobody here is watching it so I haven't had any tips. Speaking of books I have started rewriting my novel and have added 2,000 words to the first five chapters. If I continue at that rate I should get to my target of 70,000 words. Don't think I'll be nominated for the Man Booker though.
And speaking of gambling. Here's Paddy Power's new advert with------- Bruce Grobbelaar????!!! WTF
