Instanta News Blog: Weeping Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth

When I was young, my Dad, during a religious phase told me that on judgement day there would be "Weeping and Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth". Well today must be judgement day as I have just witnessed such weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth at the local Vue cinema as the girl on the till announced that all tickets for "Wall E" had sold out. The queue instantly burst into tears (and that was just the mums and dads who now had to find something else for the little buggers to do in glorious Southport for two hours). The kids had a spontaneous multiple nervous breakdown as pandemonium broke out with much stamping of feet, bawling and a lot of snot in evidence. This was followed by a mass exodus which left me alone to sneak up to the counter and in a hushed tone buy two tickets for tonight's performance of "Mamma Mia".

You may wonder what on earth I was doing buying tickets for "Mamma Mia" after the Guardian gave it the worst film review ever and no stars. However, everyone we have spoken to who has seen it absolutely loved it. Having said that,apart from Max, these people were predominately female and over 50. On a positive note my son Paul tells me it is about a slut who sleeps with so many men in one month that she doesn't know who fathered her baby (so quite raunchy then) although Margaret in our office tells me that the audience were clapping (it's a bloody film who are you clapping?) and, what's more, dancing in the aisles (oh frabjous day). Oh well we are going to the Warehouse beforehand for a slap up meal and pre- film anaesthetic courtesy of my mum. Thanks Mum.

I think its Meryl Streep who plays the slut.

Meanwhile here at Instanta things continue to go well. We have paid all our bills on time again which makes it about 30 months in a row now. If only the customers would do the same we would save a bomb in interest charges and Lauren's time in chasing them up. It is amazing how many people ask for a copy invoice. They have already had two statements. Does nobody check statements any more? We post them religiously every month and no we don't email them as email is crap and slow payers don't need additional excuses. Fortunately we get a nice big payment from CEDABOND early in the month as most members pay promptly although there are some who are persistently late (you know who you are). Come on lads. A deal is a deal.

All Lauren wants is for you to pay on time.

Which leads me into a message for all the kids who missed Wall E