Sorry Lucas

I was made to feel a bit guilty about my comments on Liverpool's young Brazilian Lucas Leiva last night. After writing on my blog that he wasn't very good on Saturday he came on as sub last night with about ten minutes left. The crowd gave him a huge and encouraging round of applause by way of support for a struggling player and I felt very bad about slagging him off. However with my recent high blood pressure and fifty quid riding on a Liverpool win it was a substitution I could have done without. Fortunately we hung on against a very impressive Marseille side and as for Lucas? Let's hope that next time he comes on there's only one minute left (and we are at least two up).



Into the last two days of the holiday now. This week has been more relaxing than last but with all the doom and gloom in the papers it hasn't exactly been the happiest fortnight. Today we have Woolies finally going under together with MFI. You have to wonder who is next? I feel a bit sorry for some of the big stores who have been having sales as I know a few people who have been taking stuff back that they bought pre-sale and then buying it again at the sale price. It's not really in the spirit of things is it? I thought the idea was that we are all in it together. Dunkirk spirit and all that or is it every man for himself? In which case God help us.




On the betting front I was pleased to see that favourite Joe Swash has drifted slightly in the IACGMOOH market. I lose over £200 if he wins so I want him to drift a lot more. My big problem is I can't bring myself to watch the programme as I honestly feel that it is cruel to animals. OK they are only grubs,eels, rats and maggots but if you are not a creationist your ancestors might have been one of those millions of years back.



We are off to the pictures this afternoon to see the Changeling. I like Clint Eastwood as a director and this looks like it could be a good film. In the meantime there is a big pile of ironing to be getting on with. No news from work is good news so maybe I'll get the blood pressure below 140/90 before we go back next week. In the meantime let's have some real bears playing ice hockey. Is this cruelty or are the bears having a good time? Wouldn't bet on it.

The Colour of Money is almost here. We're so excited

As son Paul's creation "The Colour of Money" draws closer to reaching our screens we are now able to see small snippets on ITV's promotional website Click Here And Follow The Link Six Shows Not To Miss . Having shared in Paul's agonies whilst the show was in development it is great to see the end product getting such a high profile. Let's hope it's a success. As Instanta staff who tested it will testify,  it's great fun to play so let's all hope it's great fun to watch. 

Talking about great fun to watch, regular visitors to the Instanta blog will know that I am a huge X Factor fan. In case you missed  the disco week, here is favourite Diana performing. Sub titles added for the hard of hearing.

Still on holiday but I met up with some of the lads last night when we had our regular Tuesday night five a side. It was a good game with a magnificent display of goalkeeping from Max giving my side an unexpected win by 10-8. I was a bit miffed when the council sent us a reminder for the fees for hiring the gym when last time they bought a boiler they were about six weeks late paying.

Staying with football a friend cried off the Marseille Champions League match tonight so the long suffering Marion is joining me on the Kop. Who says I don't know how to show a girl a good holiday time?

And finally for today as another bit of holiday fun (going through boxes in the attic) awaits, here is a short film that captures exactly what football is all about and shows what life in Peter Brindle and Tony Lowe's households was probably like one night a couple of weeks back.

Stu Turns 27

Today sees our tank man Stu Long celebrate his 27th birthday. Pictured above doing his Spanish Olympic basketball player impression (Google it if you don't know what I mean), Stu is a proud and doting father to baby daughter Mischa. He also enjoys golf and football and is a talented and speedy forward. In addition, in our eleven a side match a few months back he also proved himself to be an excellent goalkeeper. Stu is responsible for making sure that all boiler components are fitted correctly and, judging from our low warranty breakdowns , is doing a good job of it. Keen fan of Birmingham City FC (well nobody is perfect), Stu enjoys a weekly football flutter and specialises in enormous accumulators which invariably fall down on a freak result. (Which one this week Stu, Liverpool, Chelsea or Man U?). Have a great day Stu. My holiday doesn't mean you don't get a mention.

So ex Telegraph editor Charles Moore is going to withhold his TV License fee if the BBC don't sack Jonathan Ross. It's not like someone from the Torygraph to advocate civil unrest and uprising and I find this proposal pompous in the extreme. If we all withheld our fees because we objected to something on the Beeb they would have no fees at all. Here are a few excellent reasons to withhold the fee. "Hole in the Wall"."Top Gear""Eastenders". Now I'm sure some of you will totally disagree with me but that's the beauty of democracy and that's why I say bring back Ross and **** Charles Moore.


Just had a blood pressure reading of 135 over 80. First day I haven't been in touch with the office. Coincidence?

After the atrocity of the stoning of poor Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow in Somalia for the crime of being raped, I see that Islamic fanatics have now blinded and scarred Kabul girls with acid for the sin of daring to go to school. It is so brave of these "Men" to spray battery acid into girls' faces for their wickedness in seeking an education. Is it not time that the true Muslims stood up and denounced these extremist fanatics for what they are - women hating bastards.

I am so pleased that I live in a word where Eddie Izzard can say this about Christianity without fear of reprisal. I somehow doubt we will ever see a similar routine about Islam. I hope you don't think I am being flippant in adding this after a serious comment but I hope it makes my point.





 

It's A Jolly Holiday

On Saturday our good friend Malcolm Fryer came round with the painting for our new loft conversion bedroom. We are delighted with this large work in oils which finishes the room perfectly. Almost thirty years ago I was Malcolm's bank manager and he introduced me to the world of art and antiques. We have many items of furniture that we bought from Malcolm during his spell as an antique dealer but it is his work as an artist that we treasure the most and have five of his works in our collection to date. Although he has been a listed artist for many years it is only late in life life that he has found critical acclaim and success. He recently illustrated a book "Bugz Contact" which I understand is selling very well and he is currently working on illustrations for a sequel.It is a tragedy that his wonderful wife Sally did not live to see his success. She would have been very proud but not at all surprised.

We are on holiday for another week and hope that this week will involve less time at work as we have so much to do at home. Today we have been up to our armpits in mud as we had our occasional clean up of the garden pond. I planted two small water lilies almost twenty years ago and it was like "The day of the Triffids" today as we completely filled the wheelie bin with the mass of vegetation that sprang from those two tiny plants.



Still struggling to get the blood pressure down so I wasn't helped on Saturday by Rafa's decision to name Lucas ahead of Alonso in Liverpool's line up to face Fulham on Saturday. He then ratcheted the blood pressure even higher as he put Alonso on but didn't take Lucas off. I just don't see how something that is patently obvious to every Liverpool fan (that Lucas is crap) is missed by a manager with his experience. Our failure to win therefore came as no surprise. Although, as I put a bet on Liverpool to win BEFORE I saw the team I lived in hope throughout the ninety minutes.



I have been limiting my betting recently to the "Specials" markets on Betfair. At the moment I stand to win £100 plus on all contestants except Eoghan and JLS in X Factor, about £5 on all the contestants in Strictly, £12 on everyone except Hamilton in Sports Personality of the Year, from £5 to £175 on the Next Newcastle Manager but things not going to plan on IACGMOOH where I laid Joe Swash who has now stormed to odds on favourite. Win a couple of hundred pounds on all except Joe but lose £200 on Joe as things stand now so will have to start trading out of that one.

Let's Just Clear One Thing Up

I would like to point out that the advice from my doctor as mentioned on the blog yesterday was to relax. It was not, ,as suggested by some readers, to go out and indulge in gay sex. OK, now that's cleared up, I would like to start by wishing a very happy 41st birthday on Sunday to my right hand man in the office Mr Max Vidal (below).



Devoted father to three girls, Max is a keen Liverpool fan and golfer. He will be known to many customers as the friendly voice who tells them we are not paying for their boiler to be de-scaled under guarantee and to many more as the friendly voice who gives them sensible advice on how to carry out running repairs on their old machines. We get few of these nowadays as Max initially forgot to mention that these repairs are supposed to be carried out with the boiler disconnected from the mains electricity supply (only kidding Max). Max has a beautiful singing voice and constantly serenades us all in the office so we are keenly awaiting his performance at the Christmas Karaoke. As well as supporting a decent football team, Max is no mean player himself and can be relied on to put in a full ninety minutes every week at our five a side sessions which, as we only have the hall for an hour, does cause some hassle with the badminton players who come on after us. Max has worked in many departments at Instanta before making a niche for himself here in the office. Next week he's going to make one for me too. I know that everyone at Instanta will join me in wishing him all the very best for Sunday.



Marion and I had a very enjoyable lunch yesterday at Southport's excellent Warehouse brasserie. Apart from enjoying lunch with two old friends Paul & Ann Johnson from Skelmersdale, I was supposed to be getting feedback on our new sous vide unit from Marc the chef who is running trials on it for us. Unfortunately by the time we had finished gabbing, the kitchen had closed and Marc had gone home. However he did give me a friendly wave from the kitchen while we were eating so I think I can safely assume that there are no problems and when I visited the kitchen hatch I was pleased to see the unit on with several timers running. I am quite excited about this unit. We have spent a long time developing it and I can see it doing very well.



It was like Armageddon in Southport's M & S yesterday. After lunch we made a quick visit as we had heard that there was a sale on and , sure enough, there was 20% off everything for one day only. It would have been daft not to take advantage of this as we always buy our Xmas turkey there so we promptly bought two turkey crowns and all the trimmings plus a couple of good bottles of wine. Now I don't know about you but I can't see the logic in this offer. The store was absolutely heaving but, apart from a huge boost to cash, what has M&S gained from this? They got our £50 for turkey three weeks early but instead of £50 they only got £40. I reckon that works out at an annual interest rate of 343%. The argument may be that we would not have bought the turkey from them so they at least have something from us but unless they pay virtually nothing for their turkeys. clothes, wine whatever, the price cut must have driven a big hole through their profits.

The new medication for the blood pressure had an immediate impact with a first result of 153 over 85. That 85 is the first reading below 100 for a couple of weeks so maybe I can stay around a bit longer and take the doctor's advice. Think we could relax by going to the pictures tomorrow. Just found this trailer. Looks good.

We're Worth More Than Woolworths

Reading the Guardian this morning it seems that plans are afoot to sell Woolworths for just £1. Blimey that's less than we pay for Friday's bacon butties. I can just see tomorrow's order. "15 Bacon, sausage, egg on baps. How much? Twenty five quid! I could get Marks and Spencers for that. Throw in Next and you've got a deal." It will be sad to see the end of Woolies. I can't remember it not being there. It seems that the credit insurance companies won't insure their debts for suppliers who are therefore pulling the plug.

Despite being on holiday, I spent last night at work doing our figures for October and I am pleased to say that we have a huge improvement on last year and have made a profit for the first two months of our financial year despite raising provisions for potential bad debts in excess of £20,000 just in case. I am raising these provisions out of prudence as the big customer with the bounced cheque has issued a notice of intention to appoint an administrator. The frustrating thing is that I know they have at least nine boilers in stock but we can't go and get them back without going through legal proceedings during which time they can sell them! I have every sympathy for businesses that are having a hard time but I don't have much for this one as no phone calls have been returned after their cheque was not paid. Fortunately we had sufficient funds to cover this but if we had not and had issued cheques against it on the basis that it was good it could have lead to us having to grovel to our bank and that is the last thing that we want. Honesty is always the best policy. Avoidance can only lead to suspicion and ultimately tears.
Whilst not at work, we are trying to do a few holiday things. On Tuesday night we went to the Philharmonic Pub in Liverpool (above) and had fish and chips before going to see Will Young over the road at the Philharmonic Hall. An excellent concert spoiled only slightly by the ubiquitous camera phones. The whole theatre was alight with miniature screens as the audience (who I assume had paid good money to watch Will performing live) spent the evening watching him through a small screen held head height in front of them and then sending this to their friends. What message are they giving? "Na na nya na I've got tickets for Will?" "The sound on this camera phone is crap?""I am not very good with a camera?" Anyway ,this minor gripe apart, I have to say that Will Young is a great showman and excellent singer to boot. A bit like the visit to see "Mama Mia", I was in a very small minority of men in the audience of women of all ages. From their passionate shouts it was obvious that many of the women had less than innocent designs on Will and, as he is on the Julian Clary and Lary Grayson scale of campness, I had to wonder if I had missed something.



Marion and I took Marion's mum Flo to Liverpool yesterday to buy a few Xmas presents and to get some new curtains and bedding for her newly decorated bedroom. Marion kindly told me to go off on my own so I had a good look around the Tate at the Albert dock which has some fantastic art and some stuff that bore no semblance to art whatsoever. I honestly think that some of this stuff is King's New Clothes territory. Jackson Pollock, Andy Warhol yes, but a square canvas of just one colour (albeit a very nice one) or a cast of a blow up bed by Rachel Whitbread? Sorry. I also got to look at the excellent museum of slavery. A trip to this should be compulsory to all racists.

This morning as the holiday continues, Marion has gone to work. "I should be back by ten o'clock" she said. It's now heading towards 12 and we are taking some friends to lunch at half past. So while she has been out I have whiled away my time with a visit to the doctors. Blood test results were good but blood pressure is now sky high. I think this recession is going to cost the NHS a fortune. The doctor's advice? See below.

Things on the up?

It's about time we had some good news so I was pleased to check our lottery ticket last night and find that we won £10. OK that's not exactly cause for major celebration but a positive is a positive. 



I managed to get hold of a couple of black market tickets to Will Young's sold out concert at the Liverpool Philharmonic tonight. Will is a huge favourite of Marion's and I know that she will love to see him. She voted for him hundreds of times when he was on Pop Idol and when he won she burst into tears. When I got the phone bill so did I.

We are still officially on holiday but in the light of the current economic climate are staying close to work in case yet another customer goes under. We haven't heard any news of the big debtor with the bounced cheque today but I am not raising my hopes and have written the debt off in my mind and am getting on with things as if they've gone. Any glimmer of good news from them will then become a bonus but I am not hopeful. I have to say that I should have trusted Marion's judgement with this. Since she has run the credit control we have had virtually no bad debts and she recommended court proceedings over a month ago but I overruled her.



On a more positive note we heard that son Paul and his fiancee Josephine are coming to see us next weekend. We have not seen them for over six months so we are really looking forward to their (sadly brief) visit.

I have just written a newsletter to send to all our customers. In it we highlight our new prices for 2009. These range from 0% to 5% with the 5% mainly pitched at the Economy range WA5 and 1500LCD which have been held at £399 for some time.With the increased cost of transport and the huge drop in the value of the pound against the dollar (our taps come from the USA) the margins on these low priced boilers have been squeezed too tight and the increase was unavoidable. Blog readers will be given the opportunity to buy at 2008 prices until 28 Feb 2009 and details of how to qualify for this offer will appear on the blog in December.

In Praise of Charlie Brooker

Regular blog readers will know that I am an admirer of The Guardian and many of its writers. As an aspiring writer myself I am an avid reader of regular columnists in the hope that a little of their magic may, one day, rub off. As a big fan of X Factor I have to share with you Charlie Brooker's take on X Factor contestant Eggnog or Eoghan Quigg

"Tiny little eyes and a ruby-red mouth. He's like a cross between the Test Card clown and a crayon portrait of Jamie Oliver. Weird. Eerie. Like the spectral figure of an infant chimney sweep that suddenly appears in an upstairs window, gazing sadly at your back as you walk the grounds of a remote country mansion on a silent Christmas afternoon; alerted by an indefinable chill, you turn and, for the briefest moment, his wet, sorry eyes meet yours... and then he's gone.

That's Eoghan, the ghost of X Factor present. Even if he gets voted out, I'm frightened I'll still spot him intermittently in the dead of night, popping up on screen during old black-and-white films, pleading through the glass like a kitten in a microwave. Swear to God, if he's not gone by New Year's Eve I'm having my television exorcised by a priest."

I am longing for the day when I can write like that.

I am in work today even though we are officially on holiday. This spoiling of our break is the result of the almost £12,000 bounced cheque that we received on Friday morning. We went to St Andrews on Friday to visit our daughter Sarah but the bounced cheque was looming over us like a black cloud and, although we did our best to have a good time, it was hard to get it out of our minds. Consequently my blood pressure is now running at 168 over 104 and I have got an appointment with the doctor. I am sure that this is going to be a holiday to remember. The debtors still have a £2 million credit limit although I think this will be plummeting when the county court judgement that we just issued arrives in the public domain. One good thing is that we managed to recover 20 boilers that were on the way so we stand to lose about £18,000 in total and not an even bigger sum.

I managed to watch quite a lot of TV at the weekend as Sarah was poorly. I was delighted to see that Daniel was kicked off X Factor but mystified by the allure of John Sergeant to the Strictly Come Dancing Voters.



Yes it might have been a bit of a joke for a week but I thought it was quite sad to see Cheri Lunghi who had obviously made a huge effort competing in the competition and looking very glam for someone almost exactly the same age as me, go out to someone who has less dancing ability than Nellie the Elephant.



Finally there was IACGMOOH. Hope to have a couple of bets on this but can't bring myself round to watching people eating and abusing living creatures even if they are only grubs and rats.

Just When We Thought It Was Safe

Just in time for Marion and I to go on holiday an envelope arrives at Instanta containing a bounced cheque for £11735. Bloody marvellous. We were worried about a debt of over £18,000 a few weeks ago but thought all the probems were over when the cheque arrived on Monday. If a company of this size (the cheque issuers not us) goes under, what hope the UK economy. They've still got a £2 million recommended credit limit on our credit reference agency this morning!

Not in the mood to blog on.

Nice One Cristiano

There were two headlines that caught my eye in today's Guardian. The front page was full of the usual doom and gloom about the economy and included a graph that looked like the design for a new roller coaster at Alton Towers; the second was in the sports section and reported how Cristiano Ronaldo was unhappy with his recent £120,000 per week contract and his advisers want it upping to £160,000. With unemployment climbing inexorably upwards, Ronaldo and his advisers would be well advised to keep their mouths firmly shut. I am sure that plenty of Man U fans will be worried about their mortgages at the moment and the thought that Senor Ronaldo could pay a typical one off with 90 minutes' work but is still not satisfied is not exacty going to make him flavour of the month. Is this worth £160,000 a week?



As I write we are loading a lorry with 20 pallets of boilers for a big order. We continue to buck the recession. Long may it last. (Continuing to buck the recession that is, not the recession).

Marion and I are officially on holiday from tomorrow lunchtime for two weeks. This will be the first time that we have stayed in Southport for some time. I was looking at some old videos the other night and we used to have a model village and a funfair but we will have to make do with gardening, meals out and maybe a trip to the cinema. This time last year we were off to Venice but the local pizzeria is as near as we will get to Cafe Florian and the Leeds-Liverpool will have to replace the Grand Canal this year. You may ask why we are we foregoing our overseas trip if the business is doing so well. The answer is simple. The economy needs us to recycle our cash here in the UK and not abroad so we are doing our bit for the country and putting our holiday cash into sunny Southport (that should keep unemployment down for a couple of weeks).



....................You've seen one canal. You've seen them all..................



A week after the euphoria of the Obama success I just found this re-take on the old Bud ad. Sorry if it's a bit after the event but it made me laugh and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


And just in case you are too young to remember the original.

A Triumph For Common Sense

In 1988 the EEC regulation No 1677/88 made selling these vegetables illegal but I am delighted to read this morning that steps are in hand to cancel the ruling on the humble carrot and around another 20 species of vegetables and fruit.Sadly tomatoes are still covered so you still won't be able to buy one like this.



As a huge believer in the value of the EEC I am not going to go on a Richard Littlejohn rant about the idiocy of all this but it does worry me how much time and money has been spent in creating and rescinding these rules. Just imagine how your life would be if you actually worked in one of the departments responsible.You would go down a storm at parties ."So what do you do?" "I write legislation about acceptable sizes and shapes of potatoes, carrots and aubergines" To be honest you wouldn't admit it would you? You would come up with some fancy title like "aubergine kink eliminator" or "potato knobbler". A fitting epitaph would be "He straightened your cucumbers."

I just read about the contestants for the new IACGMOOH (another special betting opportunity). I have to say that I have never heard of five of them but the interaction between Kilroy Silk and Esther Rantzen might be worth tuning in to. They've got Star Trek's Mr Sulu there so no doubt we will be hearing a new catchphrase "I'm a celebrity, beam me out of here". Martina Navratilova is another interesting contestant. She's hardly likely to need the cash so will probably enter into the spirit of things very competitively. I think I will start my bets by laying Kilroy. (pictured below after leaving the auditions)



I have just written the 70th Instanta Dealer Newsletter. It's all about the 2009 price list which is in the course of publication and will be in the post in the next couple of weeks.

Tomorrow we are shipping twenty pallets of boilers which are going to a new sports stadium. Let's hope that the delivery driver is a bit more competent than this one.

Ex Tory Leader Wins It For ABC Direct

It almost goes without saying that ABC Direct have won our latest competition and yet another £50 off. I am beginning to wonder if they have a mole here at Instanta. All of the incidents related concerning our trip to Athens were true except the dining in a taverna at the next table to an ex-Tory leader. I am pretty sure that it was Michael Howard in the taverna (he was definitely in Athens for the match)but he was not at the next table but about four away. Well done Margaret. Next time we'll just send you the prize before we devise the competition.



Talking about football. Is it just me or are all footballers thick? We all admire people who stand by and support their friends in times of need but David Norris (above) of Ipswich would have been better going to visit his pal Luke McCormick in gaol or encourage him in his rehabilitation after he was imprisoned for the needless deaths of two young boys in an horrific drink drive accident. Instead he makes some ludicrous handcuffs gesture. This sort of gesture might be fine in support of a character like Nelson Mandella or Aung San Suu Kii but when your friend is about as popular as Rose West or Ian Huntley it's hardly the best way to make friends and influence people.


That doesn't mean that I don't have any sympathy for McCormick. What he did was tragic, reckless and completely wrong but he did what many thousands of people have done. Fortunately the vast majority of drunk drivers somehow manage to find their way home without killing anybody. I confess that as a youth I once drove two miles whilst over the limit. I should not have done it and have regretted it ever since, even though, through good fortune, I caused no accident. The problem was that I did not intend to drink when I went to work that day and drove to the station. My judgement was impaired when I got back to the car. It's no excuse. I don't know how it happened. No mobile phones in those days to call for a lift but I could have killed someone and would have had to live with that for the rest of my life.It would therefore be hypocritical of me to denounce McCormick despite my horror at what he did.




Which leads me to Paul Dacre the editor of the Daily Mail. He's been having a go at the judge who found in favour of Max Mosley in his privacy case. I have to say that I applaud Mosley in bringing this case because everyone has something in their life that others could criticise. Along with thousands of others I got away with my drunken two miles but if I had an orgy with several German hookers it would not merit press coverage (until Marion had murdered me). So why should anybody be interested in a public figure's peccadillo's? If anybody has anything at all on Dacre, we should know it now.

Oh well I have to go now. It's time to pick the football teams for tonight's five a side. It's getting quite difficult but now that Pete Barlow is a permanent goalkeeper I only have nine selections to make.

All Not Quiet On The Western Front

Numbers have been dwindling lately for our Sunday old people's dinners. Marion and I have been cooking for our mums most Sundays for many years and we frequently invite their friends so that the house often resembles an episode of "Last of the Summer Wine". Anyway, with my mum in Spain most of the time, widowed neighbour Vincent otherwise occupied and Marion's mum Flo's friends away we had only one for dinner this week which should have meant a quiet Sunday. However Flo somehow managed to make up for all the missing friends. Fortunately it was Remembrance Sunday and we got the welcome respite of a minute's silence. In honesty mother in laws have been the butt of many music hall jokes but I have to say that mine is really quite nice.

We've had a few entries to the competition but I have been told that it is too hard. So I am going to make it a bit easier. Mad as it may seem, only one of the listed happenings is FALSE.

With the recession supposedly in full swing now we are bucking the trend and doing overtime in the factory today to try and keep up with the outstanding orders. We had 238 boilers ordered last week which is very nice. I am really looking forward to hearing what the government is going to do to help manufacturers like us because, whilst we are doing well at the moment, every little helps.



I was sorry to see Laura leave the X Factor on Saturday although I suspected that she would be at risk and laid my bets on her whilst the programme was running. This means that I now stand to win £65 if Diana, Alex, JLS or Eggnog win and just a few quid if it's anyone else. I don't share the world's apparent hatred of Rachel. OK she was bad in her youth but does that mean that she has to be vilified for ever? I don't think she's a great singer and for that reason won't be voting for her but come on everyone, lighten up, she only mugged a pensioner. It's not as if she left obscene messages on his answering machine. Perhaps she'd enjoy a Sunday lunch at our place.

I've been warned by a reader to lay off Daniel so I took his advice and laid him off at 90 to 1.

I seem to be far more successful betting on special events like the US Election, X Factor and Big Brother rather than football. There are a couple more running on Betfair. These are BBC Sports Personality of the Year and Strictly Come Dancing. Having no idea about sport other than football I had to look up who Rebecca Adlington and Chris Hoy were but, on the basis that I had never heard of them, I think it will be a pretty safe bet to go for Lewis Hamilton who everyone has heard of. Trouble is I can't find out who he's dancing with.

I have to make a mention of Sales Director Nick. Nick is currently in joint 32nd position against many thousands of entrants in the Guardian's Pick The Score competition (will we ever hear the end of it?). Mind you he was 11th on Sunday morning so this could be the start of a long slide. I've only got 2600 places to go to catch him up.

Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow Not Forgotten

I don't get blogging time on Saturdays and Sundays so I am bringing a previous blog to the top of the pile. This story haunts every civilised person who reads it and the perpetrators got away scot free. I hope that the groundswell of opinion grows until someone in the muslim community denounces this barbarity.

In a step away from the usual frivolity I am devoting today's blog entirely to the memory of Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow.

I can't tell you much about Aisha other than that she was 13 and Somalian and died after being raped by three men. I can't tell you if she was pretty or she was tall, if she enjoyed singing or perhaps to dance. I don't know if she had a favourite little brother or a big sister that she looked up to but I can tell you that she is dead.

You may wonder why I move away from my usual light heart to write this after months of blogging. Hundreds of people have died in terrible circumstances in that time but Aisha has struck a chord with me. One that has made me ashamed of my gender.

Because although she died after being raped. It was not the rape that killed her. She died because an Islamist court decreed that in going through the ordeal of rape she had committed the sin of ADULTERY. Read it again. Yes that's right. A thirteen year old is raped and then found guilty of adultery.

And what was her punishment for her wickedness in being raped?

To be taken to a football stadium and, in front of 1,000 people buried in a hole up to her neck and then stoned to death by a dozen men. To make matters even worse; half way through her ordeal she was taken out of the pit to check if she was still alive. She was. So she was put back in the hole and the atrocity continued until she expired.

People ask me why I am an atheist. This deed was done in the name of religion. This religion stinks.

Rest in peace Aisha.

Planes Trains & Automobiles

I said that we would have a competition today so, as it has been a busy week of European football, I am running a competition with a Champions League theme. Last year my son Paul and I had a "big adventure" going to the Champions League Final in Athens.Here are a list of ridiculous things that might or might not have happened. To win the competition place an order for a boiler and tell us which of the following is FALSE (there may be more than one). The first correct answer will win £50 off their order.

1 Despite being season ticket holders at Anfield and attending all home Champions League games we did not qualify for tickets so we paid £301 each for tickets on eBay.

2 We could not get direct flights to Athens so we travelled by plane from Heathrow to Prague and then from Prague to Skopje. We hired a car from Skopje and drove to Thessaloniki. We flew from Thessoloniki to Athens. We flew back from Athens to Thessoloniki drove to Skopje, flew to Prague and from Prague to Heathrow and then drove from Heathrow to Southport. Journey time 2 days, match time 90 minutes.

3 I was pickpocketed on the Athens underground and lost all my money and credit cards.

4 We dined at the next table to an ex conservative party leader in an Athens taverna.

5 My Acropolis Now poster (above) got a full page in the book of Liverpool Fc Posters "Joey Ate The Frogs Legs"

6 A drunken Italian fan poured my wine onto the floor in a taverna.

7 After the match we were kept in a pen for 3 hours before catching a bus back to the airport.

8 I had octopus tentacle for dinner

9 On entering the ground the first official said that my ticket was a fake.

10 I arrived back at Heathrow with 2 euros to my name

You couldn't get much more ridicuous than that.



Another sign of the credit crunch taking hold. Here is Marion training our new office assistant Nick (assistant director Gavin's son). He's really bright and is picking things up fast. He's saving us a fortune as he gets paid in Smarties. Here is his design for our next Dealer News Letter.




Today it's the annual CESA conference and AGM. There is always a clamour for tickets to this event but we can't afford to send more than one delegate so we have a raffle and lucky Nick was the winner. I know that he will gain a lot from the day before enjoying a relaxing Friday evening journey back from Reading along the open roads of the M5 and M6.

Which reminds me that it is weekend at last. Bacon butties have been and gone so now is the time to think of how to spend our well earned rest. Annoyingly Liverpool's game against West Brom has been put back to 5.30. Now I am a huge Liverpool fan but traipsing to Anfield on a Saturday evening, getting home late for the X Factor and leaving Marion on her own on a Saturday night is not on so I have given my tickets up. It's about time that someone thought about the fans and not just the TV companies. I can watch the game at home, save on the travel, have a glass of wine and a bet on the laptop and escape the noxious odour experienced at the last game when someone in our vicinity spent the entire match discharging the most incredibly terrible farts (unless Marion has been on the beans again).

Not Interested

That's right. Today the Bank of England announced its biggest interest rate cut in 27 years and what does it mean to us having just taken out a huge commercial mortgage? Nothing. Because a condition of the loan was that we had to take out an interest rate "collar" whatever that is and this means that when your rate goes down, ours goes up. Call it sod's law. We told the bank we didn't want it but we had no option. No collar-no loan. At least there will be a small saving on the overdraft and other loans.

Marion and I went to see the latest Bond movie last night. I always think of James Bond films as being a large measure of action with a dash of sex and glamour and a slice of humour, shaken not stirred, but whilst Quantum of Solace has plenty of action it is distinctly lacking in the other ingredients. The film starts with a brilliant car chase and an even better chase across the rooftops of Sienna but it's all downhill from then onwards with a turgid plot and not much else until the usual final showdown which is dwarfed by (and not a patch on) the opening sequences. I think this genre of film has to be judged alongside last year's Bourne Ultimatum which raised the bar so high and, although Casino Royale was OK, I think it will be some time before anything comes close to Bourne.



Just getting the staff orders for the Christmas lunch together. There are so many sirloin steaks on the list that the local cows are getting twitchy. Looking at the vegetarian options chosen, the tomatoes have nothing to worry about.



Happily our sales continue to surge ahead with growth of over 7% in our first two months of our new financial year. We hope that we can continue to beat the recession. We're still waiting for some big late payers though and that could be a drawback. In view of the growth I think it's time for another competition.

Come back tomorrow and all will be revealed.

Oh Frabjous Day

Isn't it great to see the US of A coming to its senses and putting the right candidate into the White House. Apart from my self interest in winning £75 on his election I am delighted to see Barack's success. The following video captures Obama's message beautifully and lets hope that this hope and idealism is fulfilled. I'm not sure if Bob the Builder will be claiming royalties on the punch line though.





I know that Andy Fyles (below with daughter Bethany)will be sharing my excitement at Barack's success as he celebrates his 27th Birthday today. Andy joined Instanta for the second time when I bumped into him at our 2003 Christmas party at the local pub. I had ordered a lot of wine but none of the lads were drinking it and, having been brought up by my mum never to waste food and drink, I took it upon myself to ensure that there was no waste. However, although I was staggering by the time I met Andy, I made a good decision in offering him a job and yes I did remember offering it to him when he turned up for work in January. Since joining us Andy has gone from assembly worker to being our machine tester. Along with partner Claire he has bought a house right next to the factory (there's dedication for you) so Andy can lay claim to having the shortest commute at Instanta. Keen Liverpool fan, Andy is a good footballer and regular in our five a side sessions. Have a great day Andy. The future's bright, the future's orange.

Now here's a spooky photo. If you had pulled up alongside our director Dave Wilson at the traffic lights on Friday you would have had quite a fright. And if you had seen him after he had donned his Dracula Halloween party outfit!

In the midst of the credit crunch the winter Firebox.com winter brochure landed on my doormat. Now if there is one company that I hope to succeed and thrive in the recession it is Firebox. Where else could you find such essentials as a condiment gun, a voodoo knife block or a Henry Desktop Vacuum Cleaner. Life would not be the same without them.