Sunday sees our office cleaner Dave Boutle's 49th birthday. Dave, otherwise known as eBay legend Lydiate_Boutie is a keen gardener and odd job man as well as an art lover and bibliophile. He also happens to be a world authority on hostess trolleys scouring the country for the holy grail of the Croslee HL6232 or the Philips Executive before listing them on the web. Dave has amassed 884 eBay feedbacks (100% positive) and a purple star. His feedback bears testimony to his expertise.
"Since Dave delivered, my husband has had something hot on the table every night.5 stars"
"My sausage is never shrivelled thanks to my new hostess. 5 Stars"
"Sausage? Huh. You should see my meat and two veg. 5 Stars"
"Oo er missus. 5 stars"
Anyway Dave I hope you have a wonderful birthday and a nice day with your own trolley dolly Bernardette.
I particularly enjoy reading the wonderful Guardian political sketch writer and columnist Simon Hoggart (above). In last Saturday's column he wrote about how he might be spending time now that the credit crunch was starting to bite "Books are a cheap pleasure, and you can share them round. Sex. TV will go on pumping out, and there will be stacks of escapist entertainment. You can go for a walk in the country rather than a weekend in Prague." I just loved the construction of that bit. Was there a subliminal message to Mrs Hoggart there? Blink and you'd miss it but 12 words about books full stop sex full stop 14 words about TV and 15 about other recreations. I can just imagine life in the Hoggart family last Saturday "Have you read my column yet dear?" "Not yet, why?""Oh nothing in particular" and later"Have you read my column yet dear?" "Not yet, why?""Oh nothing in particular" and later still"Have you read my column yet dear?" "Yes I have read your column and if you think I'm going to spend the credit crunch having long sessions walking in the bloody country you're severely mistaken. Now come here mon petit choux. Lydiate_Boutie has just been round and oh boy have I got something hot for you".
Which got me thinking how Marion and I will spend our penniless days of credit crunch penury. Building a scale model of the Titanic in macrame? Starting chain letters asking for compliments slips? Burning compliments slips instead of coal? Sex? Dining on mince and slices of quince? Worrying about the Yorkshire problem? Stealing empty champagne bottles from the bottle bank to leave in our recycling box to impress the neighbours? Oh the joy and anticipation.
And so to our competition. Now it is becoming increasingly obvious to me that only Margaret from ABC Direct is trying to win my wonderful prizes so I might as well just give ABC more discount and save myself the effort. However just for ,bottle, Margaret, there is ,of, somewhere in this sentence a completely, smoke, subliminal message. Good luck Margaret and no more competitions for a while.
Oh and a quick message to Marion. Have you read my blog yet?
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