Do you remember that catchy jingle of a few years back? Of course you do. So how can people running a major Police force invest taxpayers money in somewhere that's famous for nothing but bumper packs of cheap frozen sausage rolls? If you have had recent experience of the law it will come as little surprise to discover that their ineptness spreads far beyond their ability to find out who dunnit. When they made these investments they were probably expecting a bonanza of fish fingers in police canteens across the country and free chicken nuggets for all. At least the Scottish force got it right. They put all their money in Tescos.
In fact that's probably not as daft as it sounds. Lets face it Tesco seems to be pretty heavily involved in offering all the services you can get from your bank; insurance, savings, credit cards, loans, cash etc. Why don't they start a bank and it can be yet another step towards their world domination? Next time you go for a big shop you can stick a hedge fund or toxic loan in the trolley along with your finest ciabatta bread and organic muesli. Except they seem to be cutting back on the organics at the moment. I haven't been able to get my organic green tea for weeks now. I believe that it is a sign of the credit crunch. We all want to be green, healthy and organic but one sniff of a recession and its back to value white bread and, er, bumper packs of cheap frozen sausage rolls.
And what the hell is a hedge fund? Have the bankers been putting all our money into leylandii, box and privet? Are their trading floors a jungle of topiary animals? We should be told. Here we are working our socks off in manufacturing whilst the country's economy collapses and what are the bankers doing? Wasting all their money on their bushes.
Well if we keep talking about recession we'll get one so it's time for more important things.
Who do you think will win this time? On Saturday they had last year's winner Leon performing and I have to say that he was as bad then as he was when he won. But Cheryl Cole has got some great acts and I can't help feeling we will be seeing a final consisting solely of her performers. I have had a few bets on two of the girls and can't see any others touching them. It must have been quite incredible in the Cole household on Saturday night. Cheryl wowing millions on X Factor and husband Ashley watched by millions playing for England. Mind you if we had telephone votes on the England match Ashley might have found himself on the way home with Bad Lashes. (Not that he'd complain about that).
And having watched "Britain’s Got The Pop Factor And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice "on Sunday it's a great pity that R Wayne isn't in the X Factor. He'd win by a mile.
Did you see about the Fisher Price doll that indoctrinates kids with subliminal Islamic messages? According to mad mothers in America the doll says "Islam is the Light". Check it out for yourself in the video. Sarah and Paul had loads of Fisher Price stuff when they were kids so that might explain Sarah's dressing in a burka and Paul praying to Mecca half a dozen times a day. I think it was the Jack in the Box that did it. While we all thought he was just jumping out of his box going "WEEEEEEEESQUEAKSQUEAK" he was actually doing a kiddy version of the call to prayer. Maybe the American moms haven't realised that FISHER PRICE is an anagram of AL QAIDA (well almost).
Having watched that again it seems clear to me that the doll is saying "ICELAND is the light". I bet there's one of those dolls in Police Investment Division. (In charge probably).
Off to Leeds now to deliver the second Sous Vide water bath for evaluation. It's going to a brilliant chef and I am sure that his feedback will be extremely useful.
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